BBQ etiquette

I’m Irish as well and “both arms swinging “ is used around here as well.

Yes! Wine and a bunch of daffodils for the hostess at least

Yes you should take something. If any of you have any dietary requirements (vegetarian/ gluten free etc) then take the appropriate things needed for that (veggie burgers/ GF buns or whatever). The host will appreciate it.

If there no dietary requirements then take something that can either be offered at the barbecue or saved until later to be used by the host at leisure. For an adult barbecue that would usually equate to some sort of alcohol.

If this is for kids then a couple of bags of kettle crisps, or a box or two of those supermarket mini brownie bites. Something simple and packaged that can be tucked away if not needed. Don’t turn up with a homemade potato salad unless pre agreed because you could be stepping on toes.

Avoid taking any food you bought to the barbecue back home with you, it’s not a good look.

Always bring drinks

Honestly, if I say don’t bring anything I mean don’t bring anything. And I’m likely to take you at your word if you say the same to me.

I don’t want alcohol (I don’t drink) so it’s just something to sit in my cupboard and be eventually poured away if I’m not able to regift. I don’t like cut flowers. If you bring chocolates/biscuits I have the angst of whether to open them during the visit, which is annoying when I have already planned all the food items, or save them for later and potentially be considered rude for not sharing.

It’s an utter pain having this hosting gift rule, and I wish it would just die out.

Of course you take a gift.

There’s a difference between not taking a contribution to the BBQ and turning up with nothing to thank the hosts. They don’t want a contribution to their meal, which is understandable, but take a gift.

See this is just ridiculous isn't it? Telling someone not to bring anything and then thinking they were rude for doing what you asked?
I wouldn't turn up empty handed personally but if im hosting I'd never expect people to bring something. I think expecting that is rude.

Not rude to take something. Not rude not to take something.

a really nice olive oil or a posh chutney is also a fab gift if they don’t drink but are foodies !

This is the rule I was raised on:

You never ever turn up empty handed to someone’s house if they’re hosting you. If you ask the host what you can bring and they say don’t bring anything, you still bring something. If you’re hosting and someone asks what they can bring, you say nothing at all, just bring yourself. If they then do actually turn up empty handed I’d think they have no manners.

It sounds mad but that’s the social etiquette in my upbringing.

Boooo! I love getting flowers! I don't drink alcohol at home - I don't mind if people give me wine, because it's a nice thought, but it gets re-gifted.

Oh I actually love that idea. I might have to purchase my first host gift now. Some sort of really hideous ornament that has to be kept until the next event where you can pass it on! 🤣

If a guest asks “can I bring anything?”, it is an offer to bring something for the meal, and a polite host will always say no. That does NOT mean you arrive empty handed. In Northern Ireland, it is the height of bad manners to turn up anywhere “with both arms the same length”, ie. not carrying a gift. When you go anywhere as a guest, you should always take a gift for the host: wine, chocolates, flowers, a pot plant, etc are all ideal. I never cease to be amazed at how many English people think it’s ok to turn up empty-handed… it’s the height of bloody rudeness in my book.

I'd take a bottle of wine as a gift.

So it’s a sporting team event/ get together for young males? How about a bowl of mixed candy…small individually wrapped candy. Sour type stuff seems to be the favorite.

Please take wine / beer / chocolates. Please don’t take flowers - putting them in water gives the busy hosts another job and their jugs are filled with Pimms or squash already.

I’m with you. I find it awkward when people turn up with wine when I have already bought enough for my guests. I don’t drink so having left over stuff is annoying. Then there are the endless boxes of biscuits or chocolates, usually just grabbed on the way or from their cupboard because the “I have to bring something” culture seems ingrained. I don’t notice if guests bring nothing and I don’t expect it.

Wine or flowers or chocolates i'd say. If you go with a food they might have fully catered and have too much...

I'm sure we'd end up with 'stunt gifts' just going from house to house 🤣 much less hassle for no one to do it. 🤣

Different friends groups have different 'norms', some are literally bring nothing & some are 'bring a plate' or 'BYO drinks'. Absolutely none are 'bring host gifts'

Yeah it definitely seems like we’re in the minority. Though I don’t really do dinner parties with people I don’t know well, so generally speaking we all just say what we mean.

When asked to bring something I do but if not I don’t. Normally If I’m hosting I make sure there’s enough for everyone without expecting others to top it up but when I have needed help I’ve asked for it. The others do the same.

We spent Christmas Day with friends last year and none of us did gifts of any sort. Just spent the morning having a cuppa and a mince pie whilst the kids played. No obligation or expectations of any sort.

Im not saying OP shouldn’t take one. It’s just as a host I wouldn’t want 5 bottles of wine, 2-3 boxes of chocolates and more flowers than I have vases for.

Yes definitely take wine/beer/soft drink, plus another gift for the host (flowers, chocolate, nice candle).

@SpringIsSpringing2026 and @OhBettyCalmDown - i would expect the host to take care of the food but not of all the drinks or of things like chocolates etc. Wouldn’t you even take a bottle of wine or something?

I think its slightly different if you really know the people, and are close friends.

This is new people to the Op and whats normal in some circles would be rude im others, it definitely makes sense to me to play safe and take a host gift, chocolates/ wine not flowers that need dealt with and put in a vase.