Body image issues in your 40’s

@KindnessIsKey123 I don't follow any of that stuff on social media but I see so much of it in real life and they may be influenced by a bit? I don't want to make assumptions.

@friendlyflicka I started doing light weights when I was 18, it was honestly enough and I noticed that things like hanging from a strap on my Tube journey were much less problematic.

But… And a very important but… I'm one of these people who is not naturally fit, strong or anything. I'm naturally crap, basically. So it was valuable for me to do it. You may not need to do it at all. My mother has never done it, never did any structured exercise,and she was always quite naturally strong if you know what I mean? Anyway, she's 87 and doing quite well for her age. So much of this is how you were made. She has noticed a change over the years as well. So in her 60s, the GP used to see a certain inevitability about some of her problems. And it was silly, so we don't want to go back to that. But now after a few hospitalisations and pretty major health problems, there seems to be lack of realism about what an 87-year-old can do. Which is absolutely mad considering she has gone quite far past average life expectancy.

I have tried lifting heavy at a couple of different points in my 30s and forties. and my experience was it's annoying and you have to eat a lot of protein. Personally, I would not feel bad about not lifting weights. I'm back to light ones. I realised if I wanted to do rock climbing or something then heavy weights would be useful. But keeping it in perspective, I don't enjoy it and there isn't a need for me to do it.

Aged 50, I do think there is more pressure - as in external social pressure - which we can all ignore, and then there was before. I don't feel as if it would be okay to wear beige crimplene trousers 😂 or indeed have grey hair. I have quite a lot of grey hair. And my hair is black! I am dying it - can't really imagine walking into a work meeting looking as I really look if you know what I mean.

I think when I was 30, I just assumed I wouldn't feel any of those pressures at 50. But I do. And it becomes problematic in workplace because if everyone's doing it., I'd look unkempt by comparison.

Someone else mentioned pressure to look good after having babies. I haven't had children but I can certainly see how that would apply.

I have always been a low energy person and a low strength person, since I was a little kid. I have to do a little bit of exercising in order to function well. But what other people in my age group are doing feels like far too much.

I do have one acquaintance in her 30s who says the same as me - why do we never meet people who are just sitting on their sofa eating Oreos? 😂 thank goodness we have each other. We can go for a nice gentle walk on a sunny day - I remember going for a walk with someone on Hampstead Heath, a place I really like, and she charged around for top speed at two hours. That is not who I am!

sorry that was very long because I'm ranting now 😂 there's a local social walk thing that I would really like to join but they don't seem to ever do less than 7 miles. Please tell me it's not just me that doesn't want to do 7 miles?!

See I think this is a good thing. So many people don’t know what to do, it doesn’t mean you need to go for the six pack, few can achieve it. But strength training as we age is really important; I myself do a mix of cardio and weights. Social media, the media, has taught me a lot I did not know. About muscle,hydration, nutrition, etc,

I don’t sit and go on no, I’m doing it wrong and switch it off, i use it to educaye myself and tweak my activity in line,

I think that after a few years or so of this stuff seeming less of an issue, it's come back.
Not sure what my 'evidence' is, just, like you OP, I've noticed a lot of people on diets and talking about weight loss. Less celebration of 'curves' than we've become used to, and more of a return to thin being aspirational. Its a great shame because it was lovely to think the younger generation of women weren't obsessed with unobtainable Kate Moss style bodies. I hope we never go there again.

But i’ve been going to the gym for years & the vast majority look nothing like the above even the 20 yrs olds pre dc.

I think the expectations are even worse than the 90s waif. Admittedly I was a skinny teen so it wasn’t bad for me but now you are expected to have a 6 pack after dc, a firm high bum, pert breasts, long legs, strong arms etc.

I really agree. I read The Times and every other article in Style section is about some habit you should be adopting, in diet and exercise and lifestyle.

Menopause and perimenopause have been discussed to a degree that now as a post-menopausal woman I feel bad for not lifting weights. I do loads of other exercise but consider this the wrong kind of exercise because weights come up on every other thread.

I am largely off social media, and that would make my inadequacies far worse.

For everyone saying about referring to SWS, they’d take one look at this, see the child has been taken to the gp and do nothing. They wouldn’t get involved because a parent is frustrated about a face to face meeting when they can easily explain why

I was just saying to someone the other day that our generation is one of the most exposed to “advice“. There are a few people I like to follow on Instagram who do a podcast, but every week it’s a different expert telling you a different thing to change in your life. It sucks the fun out of things you previously enjoyed.

i exercise for five times a week & for 20 years have drunk 3 L of water per day out of my trusty water bottle. Sometimes I go wild & drink weak squash. apparently I’m micro dosing plastic and the juice is gonna ruin my teeth. And apparently my morning coffee isn’t doing me any good so I need to have lemon water, but actually don’t have lemon water cause that damages your teeth. (Etc etc).

Honestly, you can’t win and we need to stop following all these ‘experts’.

if it helps, with regards to your situation, I had a mother who loathed her body and it was obvious she did. It made my teenager years difficult because I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I’m sure you have a lovely body. Fake until you make it and accept it, no one cares what you look like on the beach.

Also have a look at Emily Skye if she’s not been mentioned so far - very authentic

Have a look at Move with Emma, she is on instagram and has a very realistic approach to exercise and body image in your forties.

@Leopardkilt i'm glad you said this

I'm not getting it suggested online

But in real life, everyone I know - I don't know a lot of people to be fair 😂 - has got into quite hard gym training and no one eats sugar any more.

I do some exercise, but I no longer say that - I'm very overweight and I think people are puzzled that I don't look different - i'm also physically incompetent, have no coordination, at risk of falling over my own feet etc so it's easier just to say "no I don't work out" in reality I do a bit at home.

I do easy exercise compared to what people seem to be doing now

I have noticed that for a lot of people it's a real passion, and I think that's great. More power to them. But your post has actually made me wonder if some of it is social pressure, social media pressure and if we're going back to the days of women being expected to look ... not a certain way, but I guess part of an increased range of certain ways?

i'm 50 and I was hoping to stop worrying about what I look like. I normally cut my own hair but it went a bit mad last time 😂 so I had to find a hairdresser and one of the first questions they asked on the phone was if the haircut is natural hair.

I talked to them about it when I went in and they said that so many women are wearing additional hair pieces, etc that they like to ask before the appointment because it complicates the cut I guess.

I initially thought it's great if people are enjoying working out. But then I fell down a rabbit hole trying to google something about functional stuff and exercise - and I realised how many people are working out to fit a particular aesthetic.

I've been struggling to articulate this but I think you've hit on part of it and now I'm wondering if social media is a factor.

I was talking to one guy who has really enjoyed gym training after taking it up and said he just sees it as a bit of fun. Like many people, he's tracking macros and everything like that. I think his next aim is to hit 19% body fat. He's just finding it all incredibly fun. I can't imagine finding it fun.

I wish I did though.

I feel as if there's no class at the gym and that I could join now because they would all just be really hard - I did used to go to the gym years ago and you could always pick something moderate.

sorry if that doesn't link into what you were trying to say. I nearly started a thread asking "is everyone working out really hard now?" Because it does feel a bit like that. I've got neighbours in their 30s who are in the gym two hours a day. Also a new one opened up nearby and people were saying on the WhatsApp group that it's not open early enough. It opens at 6am. From this, I discovered that the 5 am club is a thing....

Op,you must be looking at that content , like you stopped and watched as that’s what feeds the algorithm, I’ve never had content for tummy tucks. Collagen glp’s etc and I’m actually on a glp. Because when that stuff came up I scrolled on. And didn’t view. My feed is full of the stuff I did pause and look at, clothes influencers, house renovations, wildlife, and, um punch, the little japenese monkey .😂

you can also click on the right hand corner dots and click not interested and it will stop showing you that kind of stuff.

but I think we will see a lot of this, as more and more women go on these meds, and most of them focus on healthy eating, protein, gym, some other women will start to compare themselves and feel they need to compete or feel bad about themselves. They will internalise it and feel they need to act. Like some people look at house renovation stuff on their feed and then feel sad about their own homes.

I'm using 2kg at the moment and that's working well for me, my son suggested 4kg but they were way too heavy!

Start with really low weights and just build up

I have loads of Sally Gunnell workouts saved! Bit haven't started them yet.

Can I ask want weight weights you use? At the moment that's the thing stopping me!

My first advice is reduce Instagram use and completely delete TikTok if you have it.

Beyond that - I have found that as long as I exercise 3 times a week (running) I know 100% that that's all I have time for, with the best will in the world, so my weight is what it is (probably about 24 BMI with big boobs!)

Honestly, and I mean this nicely - nobody is looking at you and judging your body. And if they are you don't want to know them.

@Thelankyone did I say people can't define their waists or add muscle anywhere? Or did I say that people can't do so to the level that is suggested on SM?
I am a hobbyist but I train alongside athletes. They look pretty ordinary. They are not the levels of lean and sculpted that are promoted on social media. The very lean looks, where people have very defined muscle, striations etc, for most people require a level of bodyfat that leaves them feeling tired all the time, cold, and constantly thinking about food. It's well known amongst those who compete in bodybuilding about how strong they look yet it's the weakest they've ever felt. A good friend of mine broke her hip in her early twenties due to the impact that BB had on her body. Yet her 'look' at the time wouldn't even be considered that extreme compared to what is normal on SM fitness pages now. Another young woman I train with cut specifically for a competition in a combat sport, to drop a weight category. Only temporary, very carefully managed by a professional, went as low as 11% bodyfat (her body tolerated that, most women couldn't perform at a level that low, it's close to 'essential for survival') You know what she didn't have at that weight? Visible abs. Not her bodytype.

The current trend for women is to have huge glutes and a tiny waist. Glutes can grow, sure, but not to the level commonly shown on social media without a BBL. And to grow enormous glutes and then retain that growth while cutting to the amount needed for a 'snatched' waist is again really unrealistic if not impossible for many bodies.

To be clear I absolutely advocate strength training for everyone, especially women. But the idea promoted on social media is that regularly working out and eating well will give you a certain look that is actually based on filters, lighting, temporary extreme cuts, surgery and/or being in a genetic 1%.

Ironically the stronger that people 'look', the physically weaker they are

yeah that’s not true, if you’ve visible muscle and tone it is overwhelming likely you are physically stronger than someone who does not, and a sign of visible muscle doesn’t mean you’re physically weak it’s the opposite.

and you’re also incorrect on we would look”normal” I have no idea what that is, but consistent exercises and weight training does build muscle and impact body shape. Sure you can’t go against genetics. If you’re short you will always be short, if you’ve slim hips you will always have slim hips, but to say people can’t tone their stomachs and waists and build their glutes or define their shoulders with consistent strength training is very wrong.

A lot of our media and fashion is influenced by North America, and the use of weight loss injections there is really high, particularly for celebrities but also amongst the general population. I've definitely noticed the 'skinny is back' trend and as much as I do focus on what my body can do rather than how it looks, it is hard to ignore.
There has also been a big shift in social media trends about what fitness 'looks like'. The bodies online are so unrealistic, it's pushed that going to the gym and eating healthily will give you abs and significantly defined shoulders, a giant bum and a tiny waist. Whereas the vast majority of people, even if they went to the gym four times a week for years and ate well, would look very 'normal'. The very lean looks pushed on SM are actually very unhealthy and require body builder type training + an eating pattern that is entirely unsustainable and unhealthy. Ironically the stronger that people 'look', the physically weaker they are.

I get this, and I suspect it’s a lot to do with all the angry negative posts about weight loss injections you see on here.

social media, chat forums are full of people on these drugs, most having huge successes, feeling brilliant, and it leads people to believe everyone is on them, and they are being left behind, but the reality is about 10 percent of the eligible population are on them, 90 percent are not.

so in real life it is not prevalent, it also doesn’t help people exaggerate on line, proclaiming they know multiple people on them, and assuming everyone who loses weight is lying and on tnem. As it’s so prevalent on social media, it is like an obsession for some of those who can’t access.

and so then people feel as they think they are being left behind, they need to step up, also get slim, get strong, and it has a wider impact. As doing it with the help of meds is of course much easier. Still work, but it makes it achievable

the only solution is try to contextualise it, focus on yourself not others, and come off social media, so you start to focus on it less.

@Endofyear thank you so much.