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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think XH has outdone himself

184 replies

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:28

DD1 is 24 DD2 Is 18. The father is not a good man or father. DD1 is estranged through no fault of her own. Paternal grandfather died last year and DD2 was told all grandchildren were left 5K.
Few weeks ago a letter arrived for DD2 asking her to attend solicitor with proof of ID/address etc for inheritance. Nothing for DD1. She is currently travelling abroad so we assumed her father had said he didn't know where she was. She emailed the solicitors and got no response. Very upset thinking she had for some reason been left out the will (no reason she loved him and visiting him more than the other grandchildren including DD2). She requested a copy of the will online and it states 5k to all his grandchildren but not named by name.
I rung solicitors who confirmed that XH when asked for a list of his children did not identify her at all so they were unable to communicate with her until her identify was proved. I have since taken in her birth certificate.

They have been estranged for years since she was a teen. After years of letting her down and gaslighting she decided to leave it to him to make contact and he never did. This has affected her hugely. She is so upset about this.
I am sadly not surprised he is a spiteful abusive little man.
AUBU that this is pretty low even for him.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 07/03/2026 10:15

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

@socks1107

People like you make me mad. Read the post

it’s the grandfather who’s will is being discussed. She was not estranged from him and visited him more than the other grandchildren including her own sister

hence yes she is entitled to money from her GRANDFATHER

clear?

loislovesstewie · 07/03/2026 10:05

PhaedraWas · 07/03/2026 09:59

There is nothing odd in saying "my grandchildren". It avoids having to add codicils or re do the will.If more grandchildren are born later.

Edited

As there seem to be grandchildren from a previous/ other relationship I would have thought for the avoidance of doubt that naming them would have resolved alll issues.

Mosman2020 · 07/03/2026 10:03

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Ffs seriously, she is a biological grandchild she has every right.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 07/03/2026 10:02

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Maybe read the OP before posting a reply?🙄

Bonkers1966 · 07/03/2026 10:02

Your ex is a spiteful little shit. Sorry OP

OneNewEagle · 07/03/2026 10:00

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:54

Very good question. These men are master manipulators and liars. I don't regret it because I have 2 wonderful DD. I regret they have such an awful father.
His current wife has a DD with him 5 months older than my DD2. We were married when they were both born.

Sounds like my family and I’m the eldest daughter as well. My dad had a few others whilst married to mum it all came out when I was a teen.

I’m in my 50s now it’s still awful, I hope things are easier for your DD.

PhaedraWas · 07/03/2026 09:59

loislovesstewie · 07/03/2026 09:19

FWIW, I think the grandfather was a fool not to name the actual beneficiaries. It would have been so much simpler to have done so, particularly as there seems to be a child of his who was unknown to the rest of the family. (If I've got that right) It shows how important it is to be specific.

There is nothing odd in saying "my grandchildren". It avoids having to add codicils or re do the will.If more grandchildren are born later.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/03/2026 09:58

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Bullshit. It’s her grandfather’s will

Ponoka7 · 07/03/2026 09:57

You need to be prepared for when he dies, it sounds as though she will be cut out again. Does DD2 see how terrible he is? They need to not let his behaviour ever affect their relationship.

StarlingTheConqueror · 07/03/2026 09:54

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

I think you might to read the OP again
1- the dd was still in touch with her grand father. They loved each other and had no issues. Hence she IS in the will!!
2- the dd isn’t estranged. It’s her father that decided to not contact her when she was a TEEN. Or are you expecting a child to still do all the song and dance to appease a crap father?
3- the will had nothing to do with the father. By omitting to mention his own daughter, he was lying. And clearly the aim was to hurt and punish her. That, in itself, is disgraceful

But yes, it has to be the dd who is wrong for exoecting to be in the will as she was to,do she was…. 🙄🙄

Pokko · 07/03/2026 09:53

He sounds awful but it would be the decent honourable thing to do to give the solicitor the heads up that he is being party to your Ex denying his half sibling's children their part of the estate.

Do this before money is released or it will be very messy.

Definitely report him. He is dishonest scum.

Youdontseehow · 07/03/2026 09:53

justasking111 · 07/03/2026 08:24

Well ex is in for two nasty shocks one with the daughter and one with the secret family.

indeed. How did the Gf have a “secret family”? Sounds like he was a bit of a shit too.

Maybe the apple doesn’t fall far?

RvLl · 07/03/2026 09:51

That’s pretty fucked up. Being an executor is a legal duty and lying by omission like that is probably criminal.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 07/03/2026 09:47

anddeepbreathandsigh · 07/03/2026 09:44

Has anyone replied to socks yet?

I hope someone does soon! 😆😎😉

Socks Agencylife GIF by Kochstrasse™
52andblue · 07/03/2026 09:47

clarabowlips · 07/03/2026 09:13

I presume the ExH inherits the residual estate so the less that goes to grandchildren the better for him. So, if another four grandkids are going to come out of the woodwork that's another £20K lost to him? Ha, make sure they know to claim, OP.

Indeed. What an awful man, to try to deny her very existence for the sake of 5k. She made the right decision & this confirms it, but it's painful nonetheless. Counselling may help.

anddeepbreathandsigh · 07/03/2026 09:44

Has anyone replied to socks yet?

fivepastmidnight · 07/03/2026 09:43

Brewtiful · 07/03/2026 07:55

It's not a valid question because it doesn't take a lot of common sense to work out that people like the OP don't realise what these people are like until after they have had the children. Surely you could have worked that out without commenting on the thread...

but without commenting on the thread how would they show their judgy judgement? or attempt to subtly imply how much better they are?

AreYouBrandNew · 07/03/2026 09:42

ThreeTescoBags · 07/03/2026 09:38

A friend of mine, her dad did the same whilst married to her mum, both babies were given the same name 🫠 I just can't begin to imagine the thought process of a person doing that and thinking 'well, I'm sure this will all be fine'

What an epic tit your ExH is

Saves the idiot from accidentally using the other baby’s name in the wrong household 🤷‍♀️

AreYouBrandNew · 07/03/2026 09:40

ProudTurtle · 07/03/2026 09:34

In not revealing the existence of the secret grandchildren to the solicitor, is the OP not doing the same as her ex?

She’s not an executor on the will nor does she have an interest in the residual estate so no. Hope she and DD1 do share that info with solicitor asap though

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 09:39

ProudTurtle · 07/03/2026 09:34

In not revealing the existence of the secret grandchildren to the solicitor, is the OP not doing the same as her ex?

And hardly the sane as not identifying your own child who you know adored and spent time with her grandfather. I don't know them, have never had any contact, was long out of the family when they appeared.

OP posts:
ThreeTescoBags · 07/03/2026 09:38

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 07:54

Very good question. These men are master manipulators and liars. I don't regret it because I have 2 wonderful DD. I regret they have such an awful father.
His current wife has a DD with him 5 months older than my DD2. We were married when they were both born.

A friend of mine, her dad did the same whilst married to her mum, both babies were given the same name 🫠 I just can't begin to imagine the thought process of a person doing that and thinking 'well, I'm sure this will all be fine'

What an epic tit your ExH is

AreYouBrandNew · 07/03/2026 09:38

op your ExDH is beyond petty and is definitely stupid. Trying to defraud your young daughter out of money that could help set her up for the next stage - a rental deposit or amazing holiday is so low.

I imagine the solicitor was surprised both because they wouldn’t expect a parent to defraud in this way but also because you could raise it as an issue that he is not executing the will lawfully which is an knotty problem for them.

he’s also stupid because you were clearly going to find out (he wanted you and DS1 to?). He then looks very bad to DS2, wider family, family friends, solicitor. Tell everyone you can.

new secret family is an interesting twist.

BurnoutGP · 07/03/2026 09:38

ProudTurtle · 07/03/2026 09:34

In not revealing the existence of the secret grandchildren to the solicitor, is the OP not doing the same as her ex?

I mean it's not really my place but DD1 has had contact from one of the (much older granchildren) trying to make contact with the family so she intends to let her know about the will

OP posts:
ProudTurtle · 07/03/2026 09:34

In not revealing the existence of the secret grandchildren to the solicitor, is the OP not doing the same as her ex?

Phiyto9812 · 07/03/2026 09:28

socks1107 · 07/03/2026 07:31

It is petty but, she is also estranged. She cant expect the money or the same if she has no relationship with them.

Edited

Yes she can, it is not his money to dish out. A will is a legal document and if his father decided to leave 5k to his grandchild then that has to happen and he cannot withhold the money. He can withhold information but that is rather cunty.