son becoming a chef

Different careers suit different people, and we don’t know your son. One of my kids is a chef, doesn’t do drugs or alcohol, loves his job and copes well with the peculiar hours. The best thing, I’d say, is that he has never had a problem finding work - an experienced qualified chef can always get a job. When one place he worked closed at six hours notice (owner went bust), he had just one day out of work before he started a shift in another restaurant. There are also loads of opportunity for travel, since there are hotels, restaurants and cruise ships all over the world.

We all know that trying to discourage him won’t be successful.
I wanted to train as a florist when I was his age. My parents kept calm, told me that it was my choice and sent me to career counselling.

I ended up becoming an attorney! (I still adore flowers, floristry, gardening etc but I absolutely do not regret my career choice…)

I know quite a few bakers btw. The hours are gruelling (as well) and it’s obviously very hard work. But the ones I know seem to be quite happy, are married, usually have children and are active in their (well, our…) community.
I am not trying idealise that business. But based on my anecdotal evidence? It seems to be considerably less destructive to the people involved.

Edit: I am absolutely not trying to imply that there is anything wrong with floristry or with being a florist. It simply would not have been the right path for me. My parents were aware of that. But I definitely would not have believed them had they told me so at the time. That was something I needed to discover for myself.

As parents we should be encouraging whatever passions our children have.

Every single industry will have people who take drugs, it doesn’t automatically mean he will.

Better to do a job you love, than a job you hate and if you force him into something he doesn’t like or isn’t passionate about then he will resent you for it.

Or on the flip side, he may well change his mind, he is still young after all.

First of all, having worked in numerous restaurants, it is not a drug filled industry and secondly, support your son. His life, his choices.

I wouldn't be overly worried about drugs, plenty of professional careers are rife with drug use.

The upside is that cheffing won't be affected much by AI. That's a big plus.

I'd say keep an open mind for now. Encourage him to keep at the science subjects. Food tech/innovation is a really interesting area to look into.

My angle is marketing and I work with lots of big food and drink companies. I'm always fascinated when the Research and Development teams tell us about what they're working on. Great careers to be had in this area.

Oh I read that back to front

My nephew is a chef, and loves it. It's all he's wanted to do. I know he used to smoke weed when he was younger (he's 31 now) but don't know if he takes anything now.

Your son's only 11, he may change his mind, but if he doesn't that's fine.

ETA, I see he's Y10, not age 10. I'm nearly 60 with no kids, if someone says Y10 I always ask 'whats that in old money?'🥴

Sometimes I genuinely worry about some of you guys and the level of anxiety you live with

He is in year 10, so 15/16.

I’ve always said if you want to buy some drugs, ask a chef, they will know a dealer.

Ive a hospitality business and chefs are a nightmare. Mental heath problems are rife. The hours are long and unsociable. And the pay isn’t great. It makes it very hard to maintain relationships when you work all weekend and holidays etc.

As already said there is work in the food and beverage industry that isn’t soul destroying.

This! There's a whole world around food technology and food science. I studied food science with the plan to become a food buyer.

I wouldn't discourage him, I'd open him up to the wide range of opportunities within the food industry. Chef in a test kitchen for example?!

Before reading any of the thread and just seeing your title - I know three chefs and they’re all alcoholics…

I wouldn’t dissuade him. It’s a really good career, lots of opportunities, chance to work abroad.

I do a fancy professional job that’s about to be largely consumed by AI, whereas being a chef isn’t.

If I had my time again, it’s something I’d consider.

One of my oldest friends is a chef. He's never touched drugs but in the earlier days of his career he worked some gruelling hours. He thrives on the dynamic in the kitchen though.

He started a business with another friend of ours, and worked as executive head chef. The business has grown massively and he now happily kicks back enjoying his family life living on the several million pounds he made from selling his stake in the business.

It's his life and if he has a clear view of what he wants to do, having found something he has a talent for and enjoys, I think it would be ludicrous to try to make him fit your agenda instead of his own. And so incredibly selfish.

In a similar boat- 15year old here though and gets stressed easily. He’s watched so many chef shows including ones that would make you think ‘why would anyone do that?’ I don’t worry about drug use but more the constant stress, bad pay and the knowledge that if you do anything wrong it’s a huge problem. No help just solidarity op!!

DS is training to be a chef, he is 17, he struggled at school after his dad died when he was 11, Covid and undiagnosed ADHD. He wanted to cook as that was his strongest memory of his father. While he enjoys it and like the money he is earning, it’s not something he wants to do long term but it will allow him to travel and work while he decides what he wants to do. And yes his head chef does do coke quite a lot but it’s put DS off to be honest

I'd worry more about all the alcohol and sex. God I miss those days

Plus, he’s 10, he’ll change his mind another 6 10 times by 16

people who work in finance are also known for doing cocaine, would you tell him not to work in finance? He’s 10, he will probably change his mind anyway

You can’t dissuade him but you’re not wrong, the industry is rife with drugs. My family member is an amazing chef worked in high end restaurants but has an alcohol and coke problem, they changed to work in a high end cafe for better hours but it was still happening in the kitchen, it’s so common and seen acceptable to get through the shift

Honestly I think you should stop being a total.snob and recognise what your son chooses as a career is his choice, not yours.
Do you do his school projects as well?

I would also encourage being dietician/nutritionist

I was in the exact same position with my daughter, she had her heart set on joining a chef/catering course after her GCSE's as she wanted to become a chef. I talked her out of it and convinced her to stay in school and do an A level and BTEC in marketing thinking this would be a much better career for her.
Well, she is in the first year of A levels, she absolutely hates it and she is dropping out, so she will do the chef course at college come September that she wanted from the beginning. So a complete waste of a year in her life that I regret influencing. My advice is let him choose what he wants, let him follow his dreams through his own choices and make his own mistakes in life choices. They are old enough to know what they want, and at that age they are especially determined! :)

I don't think you should ever discourage children's passions/skills unless it's illegal or dangerous.
As people have pointed out there are many 'chef' roles, not just in a kitchen, and real life isn't necessarily like you see in TV.

My DH is an executive chef. He works 10hr shifts, no splits, home by 9 most nights. He has Sundays off. He earns over £90k
He's trained with some of the best chefs in the world.
He's now in an R&D regional chef role so less kitchen/service based.
He's worked hard over his 15 year career, we've had to make sacrifices, but he was born to do this and i support him fully.
Oh and he doesn't take drugs.