DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

I am not sure why you posted. You clearly don't think you are being unreasonable.

OP I wouldn't trust the opinion of a load of people typing through their smart phones at 1am. If you want to find a pool of phone addicted people you've come to the right place.

Your pressies sound lovely and thoughtful. If she hasn't asked for one for her birthday I wouldn't stress.

I would give your sister some breathing space and wait for her to come to you.

You say your DD hasn't even really asked for one, stand firm in regards to your sister.
No means no.
Your parenting decisions are absolutely eff all to do with her, don't let her undermine you.
Let her have a hissy fit, leave her to it.

You can also download safety apps on a smartphone for when she is out and about should she ever need help, they are not all bad

My mum was a teacher
She taught 6-yr-old little bitty kids.

I can remember surprising her once during class and Mum introducing me:
”This is MY baby. She doesn’t LOOK like a baby, does she? But she’s MY baby.”

I think was 25 or 26, by then. Maybe older.

hahaha

@LuckyJadeMember I had no idea that 2000’s technology was making a comeback!

I do agree with PP - Don't want her left out with friendship groups etc

It's fantastic if she hasn't asked for one

All kids now days seem to have one ( I mean from about 8 years old ) and it's ridiculous. Completely agree they end up like zombies OBSESSED with it.

And you can't monitor everything. It's all Snapchat and tiktok etc

It's a tough one because when I was growing up you had access to the Internet with phones and laptops etc but everything just seems different now . So many more creeps around

If she was actively nagging you for the phone I think it would be a different story

@AnSpideog Yes, the social side is a consideration as teenagers do make most of their arrangements via messaging apps

@LuckyJadeMember I see your point, but do check with your DD that she’s able to keep in touch with her friends. Friendships are so important at 15.

You bought her lovely, thoughtful presents. If she's not bothered I wouldn't buy her a smartphone. My daughter is 23 and a few of get friends have gone back to flip phones. She dug out my old camera and her friends were all interested in it and like putting their phones away when they go out and they take photos with DD's camera. Your sister is over stepping the line and is in the wrong. I hope she had a lovely day and loves what you have bought her 🎂

Im not saying you can't survive without a smart phone, it just makes life easier and especially for a teenager. My daughter uses hers to track the bus timetable, for music whilst on the bus, to screenshot her location to me, if I ask for it. Not sure where you fly but all my boarding passes over the past few years have all been online, short and long haul. I don't bother to print out, to save trees and paper.

It all boils down to how well you've educated her about apps, tiktok etc...

When shes 18 and can afford a smartphone, you may have done her a disservice because she might be like a child being let loose in a sweetshop and you won't be able to control it then as she will be an adult. But, as I said, your child, your choice.

Quite.

If I'm honest, my friendships with people that aren't on WhatsApp/messenger etc, have tended to wane over the years. Not because of anything personal, or because I have a problem with them having a dumb phone, but because I can't include them in any group messages, and I invariably forget to send a separate one. So they don't get invited and stuff. Or if they do, and there's a change of plan for example, I then have to remember to update the WhatsApp and the other person. It's much easier just to send one group message.

IfI as a middle-aged mother get fed up on making special contact arrangements for people that I can't include in group messages, that's going to be 10 times worse for teenagers.

I guess you can survive without a smartphone, but it's going to be inconvenient and time wasting. Better to get a smartphone now and you work on healthy boundaries together, than her going nuts when gets she finally gets the technology. They don't have to be expensive, you can get them second hand, but she is a child of this century, and smartphones are going to be her future.

It's bonkers to think of her carrying around an MP3 player with a limited play of music since you've had to purchase, and a damn phone, and a camera, when all that and more could be in one device.

Then don’t let her download tik tok.

My DD never asks for anything. She internalises everything, doesn’t make a fuss. Is your DD like that?

My concern would be that she would be left out from all the social arrangements that happen via messaging apps on smartphones. If you are the only one out of your group of friends that doesn’t have, what is now considered a very standard piece of equipment, that it would be isolating.

I don’t think smart phones are all bad anyway. I don’t let her have any social media on her phone but it’s so handy for lots of essentials

Indeed they can but today’s 14 year olds are far more advanced now and so long as she is sensible what is the issue? You don’t seem to have much faith in her if you are assuming she will spend all her time on TikTok - maybe you should learn how to use parental controls and trust her not to access such sites?

Ah! you're a luddite @LuckyJadeMember 😉