DSis says I'm awful for not letting her give DD14 a smartphone and that my gift for her is ridiculous, outdated and cruel.

There comes a stage when other family members have to intervene when a parent is cutting their child off from the real world though.

DH is Spanish and it’s very common there for aunts and grandmothers to have words if they feel parenting is poor.

Ryanair

Stand your ground with your sister.

Well, yes, fair point, but it's interesting to note that UK problems with alcoholism are higher than they are in countries where children regularly having access to small amounts of, for example, wine at dinner, are more commonplace.

There's a middle ground between locking the booze away and acting as though one sniff of it will turn your child into a raging alcoholic, and giving them their own wine cellar, isn't there?

Same with phones.

Thats really up to the teenager a d mother to decide, not someone else’s child though. Can you imagine someone absolutely insisting that your child simply must have something to survive other wise your an awful awful parent and your just there like “errm… were managing fine…thanks?” How would you feel if someone forced their opinion on you so hard then started to scream and shout at you about it?

There's the other side to 'the Luddites being left behind'. I live out of the way, and we often lose internet and thus the ability for the tills to work in shops etc. So it becomes cash only. The tourists, especially the younger ones, often go into meltdown about this.

I always carry cash and back up train tickets printed out etc, You never know when technology will fail, as living here has taught me.

I didn't have a smartphone until I was 56. I then worked in customer support, teaching people how to access courses on their smartphone, solving their issues etc. It's not hard to use them if you are used to a PC/laptop/tech in general. Scrolling social media and using QR codes doesn't teach you anything much about how things function or how to resolve problems.

You are completely right - kids don't need smartphones. Well done for holding the line. So much research showing huge damage to mental health from screen addiction. She will thank you one day.

Your kid, your rules. Your sister gets no say.

also those saying “I’d go for the smartphone” misses the point. She’s already made the decision her DD isn’t having one (which is completely fair imo) so that isn’t helpful

I think what thus thread proves is people react badly from other people deciding that a parenting decision they made, is a bad one. Your sister, and half this thread.

My kids had a smartphone earlier than that and it isn’t a good thing. It’s a constant battle. Watch your sister doesn’t ruin DD’s birthday by giving her the smartphone anyway. You’re going to have to be really clear that if that happens you will be deliberately upsetting DD on her birthday and you won’t easily forgive it

You are not being unreasonable. I believe large expensive gifts like that should not being given without at least mentioning it or asking the parents opinion on it first! Don’t let anyone make you feel un comfortable or ungrateful for not allowing it, that is your decision as her mother and yours alone, certainly not your sisters place to push her own views and opinions onto someone else’s child. If sdhebthinks she needs a smart phone, her job as a decent sister would be to have a simple conversation with you about it and see how you feel and if its something you want for your daughter, if your sister really wanted to be helpful would be to say something like, Im happy to help gift it when you are ready. Not just buy it and rail road her way over you and create a great big argument because she doesn’t have the decency to reapect a parents opinion.

No, you dont.
Its just people are manipulated to think they do, or conditioned to be addicted to it.
Also, I have noticed how some people arent able to do simpliest of things without a smartphone which is quite worrying.

I agree with you.
Eventhough I feel its starting to get a bit difficult sometimes without it.

If she hasn't asked for one then I wouldn't give it. As you say she's welcome to use her savings to buy one so potentially could get one at any time anyway? I'd be surprised if by 15-16 she doesn't buy/ask for one though.

I don't have a printer at home -hence using apps for boarding cards

I can also have the option of having my football season ticket on my phone -train tickets too. Just makes life easier

Yes. You do need a smartphone nowadays.

We still print out boarding passes. I see paper ones being used all the time. It’s much easier to have a paper ones being used handy when e.g paying for duty free than having to faff around with your phone.

Also in my area. The cheapest bus tickets you can no longer buy from the driver (monthly tickets). You have to get them on a phone

Some gig tickets can only be downloaded to a phone too

I scan my supermarket loyalty cards on my phone too

You are a Luddite.

No reason needed. Her child, not her interfering sister's child. If sister wants to play cool aunt she needs to raise her own. 100% approve of no smart phones for teens. Smartphones have stolen childhood from a whole generation. Aunt is totally over-reaching. If I had my time again my kids would not get smartphones. Seriously, who the hell takes it upon themselves to decide its time another person's child got a smartphone?!

The study specifically looked at whether social media harmed mental health. It found no link between those who used it and those who didn’t.

I appreciate this is inconvenient for those trying to push the ‘social media is basically crack cocaine’ narrative.

I think at 15 you’ve done well keeping her away from an Iphone, but tbf you seem to have projected your opinions on to her, paper boarding pass? can’t think last time I saw that. The carry on to download music what an utter faff.

I also take photos on my phone too. Mainly of pets that are no longer here. I would personally have accepted the gift. You could have kept the receipt and returned it. I don't think just because you are a luddite that you need to say other people don't need smartphones

I would have been lost without mine during my first uni module as I didn't have a laptop at that point and I needed one to go to online tutorials

"Should we give her a bottle of vodka to prepare her for being a drunk student?"

No, but at 16 it's legal to have been or wine with a meal. I suppose things happen gradually and not in one go.

It’s your choice as a parent not to give her a smartphone. Others might not agree but it’s highly disrespectful of your sister to undermine your parenting decisions.

I mean. You do you. My kids have had ipads since they were toddlers, so yeah, my eldest (15) has a smartphone but tends not to bother taking it with him unless I make him. My youngest has an ipad mini with a SIM so probably won't bother with a phone at all (he's borrowed one in the past, but isn't fussed about keeping it)

You say you're not into parental controls - but you have had plenty of chats about internet safety right? I'm completely open with their usage - they put them away at night but otherwise have no time limits or anything (as long as they do put it away if asked - eg at dinner). I do have parental controls on though, I do monitor to a certain extent (less as they get older) what they're viewing and searching, and we've had lots of talks about never using your real name or talking to people you don't know in real life, and up until recently, they didn't have a computer in their bedroom so I knew what they were doing.

Personally I'm in IT, but I have an old iphone (12) because I don't pointlessly upgrade. No ipad (thinking I might go with the ipad mini and no phone once my 12 dies) but I do have a beefy laptop as that's where I spend all my working hours and a fair amount of my leisure time. If I'm not on my laptop, I'm probably. asleep or doing housework!

Yes, but it's unlikely to happen precisely because we need it for things. I need mine to access government services where I live, my health records, etc. There are other ways, but they are more difficult. In this case, it's the public sector so they don't respond so quickly to changing preferences of citizens.