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Original poster

To be concerned about how new man parented his child

35 replies

JovianJester · 06/03/2026 23:20

I've been dating a man for about a year. I have no DC. He has 4 and 3 live with him, The ones that live with him are 14, 18 and 21. He recently was talking about my moving in

He is older and I've recently started staying with him whereas before he stayed at mine. His boys don't say much but that's probably just them, his youngest is a bit mouthy towards his dad and siblings but I don't get involved as he isn't mine

I'm staying over tonight and I feel a bit uncomfortable. BF was cooking dinner and his youngest came downstairs and asked one of the other boys if they had any weed, they said no and then they had a back and forth until bf said “just give it to him” and at that point they went to his room and he must’ve got some. I tried to bring it up as yes you can’t ban a child from smoking weed but don’t encourage it by telling your elder child to give it to him? He told me not to worry about him but I am because he’s a child

WWYD?

OP posts:
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grumpygrape · 08/03/2026 22:40

Walk, no, RUN away.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 22:38

OP, what do you mean, you can't ban a 14-year-old from smoking weed? It's illegal! You can take privileges away.

He sounds like a truly terrible parent. This little vignette would put me off him completely. Those are not my standards.

Spareahorse · 08/03/2026 22:33

I would probably have packed my overnight bag and walked out there and then. Bloody hell!

toodleoothen · 08/03/2026 22:26

JovianJester · 06/03/2026 23:44

@Arregaithel He said they're quiet boys and the older 2 do seem quiet, youngest however is mouthy. I haven't met his eldest yet as he doesn't love with him

@SecretSwirrelthe 21yo works with bf, the middle is at college and the youngest was going to school until bf suddenly pulled him out (which the boy is happy about) and he's been going to work with him too but also “homeschooling” bf said he can learn a lot more with him than at school but that's none of my business

All this sounds nuts. And, yes, ofcourse you can (and should) ban weed for your minor child! It would be far removed from what I would find comfortable. I certainly wouldn't be moving in to this situation.

GreatVenue · 07/03/2026 09:56

What a fabulous Dad. He sounds really attractive.

CinnamonBuns67 · 07/03/2026 09:53

I'd end it. 1. The piss poor parenting all round of all 3 boys (yes he can't parent the older 2 now as they are adults but he did take part in raising them I assume) 2. I wouldn't be able to have people who took drugs at any age or brought drugs into the home under the same roof as me.

Bananalanacake · 07/03/2026 09:50

Is his place tidy? He may want you as a live in cleaner. And a year is way too soon to move in especially when there are kids living there.

SparklyGlitterballs · 07/03/2026 09:33

I wouldn't personally live with an adult who smoked weed, let alone a kid. The fact he allows it and supplies it when the kid whines is even worse.

In addition, him allowing the 14yo to go to work with him and not homeschooling him - it may make his life easier, but it isn't legal.

Aside from all of that, I wouldn't want to live with 4 men if I hadn't birthed 3 of them myself. Are there any punishments/consequences when the youngest shoots his mouth? If he talks to his dad like that then it would be a matter of time before he treated you the same, or worse, if you move in.

Lmnop22 · 07/03/2026 09:19

So he’s pulled his 14 year old out of school, leaving him with no qualifications (assumption based on the inverted commas around homeschooling leading me to believe no such schooling is actually happening) and letting him become drug addicted?

Seriously OP, leave this trash.

Absolutelydonewithit · 07/03/2026 02:47

I think I’d rapidly lose respect for him after this. Is their mum around? If so, do the sons stay there at all?

Bananalanacake · 07/03/2026 01:11

I'm not sure if he wants a nanny with a fanny as his kids are old enough to wipe their own bottoms and put themselves to bed. I stii wouldn't move in with him, you'd get no peace.

Pinkissmart · 07/03/2026 01:03

Personally I think parents who supply weed to their kids should be done for abuse. What an irresponsible man

Arregaithel · 07/03/2026 00:07

Unsurprising they're quiet if they're drug users @JovianJester

Do look at this

This is your first wake-up call for how this relationship will progress.

Use your head lovely, have a really hard and honest examination at how your life will look in the future.

It does not bode well, I do hope you can see that.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 07/03/2026 00:07

JovianJester · 06/03/2026 23:44

@Arregaithel He said they're quiet boys and the older 2 do seem quiet, youngest however is mouthy. I haven't met his eldest yet as he doesn't love with him

@SecretSwirrelthe 21yo works with bf, the middle is at college and the youngest was going to school until bf suddenly pulled him out (which the boy is happy about) and he's been going to work with him too but also “homeschooling” bf said he can learn a lot more with him than at school but that's none of my business

It's idiots like your boyfriend who are making home educating more difficult for the rest of us.

His son still needs to be getting a full-time education, not being taken out to break child employment laws.

YourWildAmberSloth · 07/03/2026 00:05

Do you really want to live in that environment? If so, why? Honestly that would be a dealbreaker in the relationship for me, but even if stayed with him, I would not be living in the middle of that shit show.

MontythePrince · 07/03/2026 00:01

And yes. You can ban a child from smoking. Christ almighty

arethereanyleftatall · 07/03/2026 00:00

Op, if you want to spend your free time living with an unrelated 14 year old boy who is a bit mouthy, smokes dope and doesn’t go to school, then go wild. You couldn’t pay me to do it.

MontythePrince · 06/03/2026 23:59

Fucking what?????? Just give it to him? He’s 14. Why you don’t think this is a serious problem is beyond me

AnneOfCrimsonGables · 06/03/2026 23:58

He sounds great. You should probably have a couple of kids with him.

Driftingawaynow · 06/03/2026 23:57

You’re joking right op?

IdaGlossop · 06/03/2026 23:53

You're going to have a very complicated life if you move in with him. I would bolt now.

femfemlicious · 06/03/2026 23:49

That is nuts.

Original poster
JovianJester · 06/03/2026 23:44

@Arregaithel He said they're quiet boys and the older 2 do seem quiet, youngest however is mouthy. I haven't met his eldest yet as he doesn't love with him

@SecretSwirrelthe 21yo works with bf, the middle is at college and the youngest was going to school until bf suddenly pulled him out (which the boy is happy about) and he's been going to work with him too but also “homeschooling” bf said he can learn a lot more with him than at school but that's none of my business

OP posts:
Anouken · 06/03/2026 23:37

Also does he not know the damage weed does to a young person? So irresponsible!

Arregaithel · 06/03/2026 23:37

@JovianJester

"His boys don't say much but that's probably just them"

That you are an unwelcome addition to their father's life is more probable?

I think you are being incredibly naïve, you ask "wwyd", honestly @JovianJester , save yourself and walk away, now.

However, if you want this relationship to continue, it'd be much better for him to stay at yours, it will be so much better for you all.