She gets away with doing whatever she wants

As if i’m going to leave an 8 year old making real soup-boiling water and chopping veg 🙄

You DO realise OP that YOU wrote the thread title that DD does what she wants? Yes?

And you are now annoyed that people thought she was making soup because, you know, YOU said that? Yes?

Good.

You are now annoyed that 80% have said YABU as you wanted us all to unite against your beast of an H, and we haven't 😂

Good point. Surely it didn’t matter what ingredients she used?

It also begs the question, why did the OP tell her they didn't have the ingredients if she was just slapping random stuff in a bowl anyway?

This actually makes it even worse.... Why at age 8 does your child think tipping spices and herbs together and mixing them is 'making soup'?? Herbs and spices aren't cheap, that's such a wasteful thing for her to do?!

I could understand if she was playing the garden with a bucket of water adding leaves etc and twigs and berries and calling it soup, fine.

But why on earth would you let her mess about making a mess and mixing up spices only to have to chuck them in the bin....

Learn to say no to her, and follow through with it!

I wouldn’t let an 8 year old waste food/spices like that . If she wants to play can you not just get her slime or playdoh or something .

Shocking plot twist:

She wasn't actually making soup anyway apparently 😳🙄

I wouldn't be telling my DD not to make soup tbh, I'd be pleased she was practising healthy cooking habits and skills as long as she cleared up.

Right...

But you told her no and she ignored you. Absolutely no way would I have allowed this to happen. Your DH is right.

Well forgive us for thinking you meant ‘making soup’ when you said ‘making soup’. Awfully silly of us.

Sorry but if anything that's even more ridiculous that there was no point to it whatsoever and a load of wasted ingredients.
Your husband shouldn't have shouted at your daughter but I might have shouted at you if I were him.

I mean, you said making soup, so we assumed making soup.
So you meant she is just tipping random herbs into a bowl to pretend to make soup? No cooking?

Then im confused because you say she makes pancakes and fried eggs on her own.....so do you mean proper pancakes or playdoh ones?!

Dont get the reason for your post then soz 😂

She’s not a teenager, she’s 8! I might understand if she was a teenager but this is ridiculous!

Sorry, not sure if you're suggesting I'm an irresponsible adult?

Yes I completely agree. My daughter certainly doesn't always get things or get to do things when she wants and I don't expect very little. I was explaining how as she's recently diagnosed, she sometimes finds it hard to understand why she can't do things straight away and why she's reacting the way she is.

They can be impulsive all they want a responsible adult will not use any suspect or actual label as excuse to go along with it

It's even more important IME to help ND children be able to sit with not always getting things or doing things right now. Yes, it might be harder, but they still can't grow up with no limits. It seems a lot of parents of ND kids expect very little, like if they have ADHD people say you just can't expect them to have any impulse control. That's just not true, and it does them a disservice to always just let them do what they want when they want, or to give mixed messages, as the OP has done here.

All of you are. Your daughter was told no and did it anyway, making a mess she (regularly?) leaves for others. You said one thing and then didn't follow up on it. Your partner got frustrated because you said one thing, didn't follow through, and from your post it sounds like your daughter has done things like this before. Maybe some or all of you are ND, from what you say, but whether or not that is the case, clear, followed through boundaries are important.

Feel like you’re getting quite a hard time here OP. It’s easy to comment when you don’t have ND kids, even if they’re suspected ND. My daughter is 13 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. She acts on impulse a lot of the time and if she wants to do something or make something, she struggles if she can’t do it straight away. It’s hard to explain it to her sometimes. It takes time knowing now to navigate a ND child but there is no right or wrong and no one is doing anything wrong, it’s about learning what works best for you all as a family no matter how frustrating! X

I think the crucial thing is: did you say no then she did it anyway then you thought 'what's the harm?'
OR
Did you say no initially then change your mind and tell her she could before she then went and trashed the kitchen?

If the former, yabu and your DH is accurate in his assessment of events. If the latter, I'd still be annoyed about the mess in your DH's shoes, but I'd have checked with you first before telling her off.

he storms out saying that she gets away with doing whatever she wants

Well nothing you've posted suggests that he's wrong.

You didn't say no to her because you've decided that you say no too often. So instead you wishy-washyed it with no ingredients and 'tomorrow'. So she did exactly what she wanted, just as your husband said.

She's stubborn. Maybe that's because you allow her to do what she wants so she knows that it works. You give in for a quiet life. Except it will be anything but quiet when she's a teenager unless you start meaning what you say.

To be honest yes. Maybe not fuming but I'd be cross. An 8yo spills a drink, fine they obviously need to drink.

An 8yo left unsupervised making soup random in the evening, making a mess of the kitchen and spilling entire jars of ingredients all over the floor snd clearly not telling anyone or trying to clear it up, yes I'd be pretty pissed off.

8yo children don't need to make soup on their own at 7pm on a Friday evening.

When my mum said no, that meant NO and there wasn’t a soul within earshot who wanted to find out the consequences of disobeying her.

Not even my dad.

Who lets their kid go through life creating messes that they expect somebody else to clean up?
That shite just don’t fly around here.

It sounds completely chaotic tbh.

Was your DH cross with her for spilling the cinnamon? Or cross because he came down and saw a mess that had just been left all over the kitchen floor? It doesn't sound like she apologised if your DH walked in and found the mess

I don't think 8yos should be randomly making soup unsupervised, making a complete mess and using ingredients you don't have. I'm with your DH I'd be pretty cross to find a child getting ingredients out everywhere and spilling mess all over the floor