She gets away with doing whatever she wants

Haven't you taken in anything that posters have pointed out to you? If you had come back and shown any sign that you had reflected upon your parenting style and admitted that you might need to change how you parent, you might have gained some respect and understanding from others here. Instead you've just made more ridiculous excuses and haven't shown any indication that you recognise that you are the problem here, not your dh.

It wasn't even real soup?

WTF

You're letting an 8yo waste food to make potions (or you're chatting shite).

It wasn't even real soup?

WTF

You're letting an 8yo waste food to make potions (or you're chatting shite).

This seems like a big deal over nothing to me. I think it's nice that you're trying to say yes more, as long as you're teaching her skills and consequences. They're only little once!

DH is going to leave you at some point if this is the norm. I would!

Not really convinced on that one

Op did you want more posts of the “what a bastard stifling your daughter’s creativity!!” ??

If she was just messing around with ingredients in her 'soup' concoction then I am even more team husband. I can only think what a waste of ingredients if she is just messing around while mum sits cosy by the fire.

OP why so defensive when 80% disagree with you. Clearly you wanted everyone to agree with you and call your husband a cunt or something. Your post didn't go your way. Your husband's right and you're creating an entitled little girl who doesn't feel the need to understand the word NO. Maybe this isn't the first time he's kicked off he's probably had enough of you coddling your kid and felt that for once in her life she needs consequences for her disregard and disrespect for boundaries

And why did the OP say she didn't have the ingredients?

The soup plot thickens.

I suspect this thread will be deleted because 'outing'...

Agree, ir she can make pancake batter and the pancakes, can safely fry eggs… why does she need help to clean up pretend soup?

Your DD isn't ND, you suspect she is. There's a big difference. Basically you're using that flimsy self "diagnosis" as an excuse to let her do exactly what she wants and rule the house!
You then tell her no when she asks, but when she goes off to do it anyway, you just allow her to make some sort of "soup", by irresponsibly letting her waste ingredients.
And yet DH is in the wrong here for getting angry?! I make no wonder your DH was pissed off, I would be too in his position!
Stop excusing her behaviour as "suspected" ND, it's offensive to people who actually are. You have no formal diagnosis.
Step up as a parent, have some conviction and mean what you say. You're a lazy parent who is going the right way in creating a child who doesn't take no for an answer and who people won't want to be around in the future!

The poster prob coukd not gave stopped DD without it becoming physical. If they suspect ND then both parents must respond accordingly

I’ve got an 8 year old girl who gets ideas in her head.

So many things here.
First, she needs to be told she can’t waste food.
Secondly, she can’t make soup, she needs to entertain herself in a different way. Lego, tv, crafts?
And lastly don’t just let her get on with it and make a mess, I agree with your DH to be honest.

Pathetic,if you were going to let her make soup why not say yes in the 1st place. Sounds like you DH is getting frustrated by her behaviour, its not creative to defy your parent and make a mess. Stop being so lazy parent your child instead of using ND as an excuse. My DGD is severely autistic, sometime its just no.

Then why did you tell her no?!?

YABU because you give mixed messages, she asked to make soup and you said no. She did it anyway and you didnt back DH up and say its OK if its friday and she wants to play in the kitchen. In that case why didnt you say we cant make soup but let's make X.

Its not fair to say no, but then decide you meant yes so dont provide consequences for the child ignoring your no.

@Timbucktutu

Just try this response:

"Thanks for your responses everyone. I understand what so many of you have said about parenting with clear and consistent boundaries. I'll definitely be adjusting my actions in the interests of my daughter's future and my relationship with my husband. Thanks for all the advice, and I hope it helps others in my situation too. "

What have you got to lose? It can't be "face" because we don't know who you are!

"She was doing what she thinks can be soup"

Clear as day 😂

This.

Bouillabaisse

Exactly.

The OP:Dd decides she wants to make soup, I tell her we don’t have the ingredients and we can make tomorrow.

OPs latest post: As if i’m going to leave an 8 year old making real soup-boiling water and chopping veg 🙄She was doing what she thinks can be soup-load of spices in a bowl, mixing it up.

Sure Jan

Yeah, something smells a bit fishy to me

I'm wondering if essence of fish was involved somewhere.

You said no.
Your dd did it anyway
Your dh backed you up.
You undermined him

Doesnt make sense what you're saying

In your OP you said your husband 'went into' the kitchen and then when he saw the mess and told her off he 'came in to tell me'

That suggests you were not in the same room and that the kitchen is a different area to where you were

If you were around her at the time he wouldnt have needed to do that or spot it at the time as her working individually as you would have been with her in your open plan area surely?