Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let dd self initiate potty training?

237 replies

astrangeb · 06/03/2026 16:48

Any other way seems laden with disaster.

Gave it a try yesterday and today; yesterday wasn’t too bad, today she just had seven accidents (at nursery)

I am thinking leave it until she initiates it.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 06/03/2026 17:41

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:32

I agree with you. I think it is a myth. My son is one of very few in nappies in his school nursery but he is likely autistic.

Show quote history

As a teacher I can personally assure you it is not a myth.

op has plenty of time however

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:41

astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:35

Nursery have suggested trying over the weekend but if it isn’t happening not to worry. I’m trying not to stress and be upset about it.

The summer will be a good time. Nice and warm to be bare bottomed.

ChapmanFarm · 06/03/2026 17:40

There's a lot of middle ground between 'leave it til summer' and 'she didn't manage nursery after one day'.

Just do a proper weekend with her from now and see where she is come Monday.

Nursery is a very different environment. Even well trained kids struggle there. They are too busy playing or don't want to leave what they are doing.

You were over optimistic she would manage but seem overly pessimistic that you now need to wait months to do it.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:40

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 17:35

It’s not a myth. I have worked in reception classes for years. There’s always one or two that still aren’t toilet trained.

Show quote history

The SEN kids??

Freeme31 · 06/03/2026 17:39

You have to take time off to potty train some things you do need to teach your children this is one of them

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/03/2026 17:38

Not sure why you’re asking or why “Any other way seems laden with disaster”. That’s highly dramatic language.

Both of mine have spring birthdays so when it was warm enough to be pantless in April/May after turning 2 I told them the nappies were gone in the daytime and they could use the potty or loo. DS must have weed on the floor 15 times the first day but he was sorted (and going much less often!) within a few days for wees and poos. They’d tell me they’d done a wee or poo in their nappy before we started but after rather than knowing before so I just got on with it.

Tigercrane · 06/03/2026 17:38

Like some others have said I did it in about 10 days.I had a book potty training in a week.Basically taking a potty and a covered cushion for the pushchair.Sitting my child on the potty really regularly until he got the idea.

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 06/03/2026 17:36

The most recent research from ERIC tells us that the concept of toileting readiness is a fallacy. Children need to be taught toileting and toilet related skills, you can’t just expect her to wake up one day and say okay mummy I’m ready to use the toilet now.

You need to fully commit for an extended period, not just two days, and get nursery on board - they will be used to toilet training children and happy to do it.

Fundays12 · 06/03/2026 17:36

Kids dont potty train themselves parents have to take the lead and teach them. The reason kids are so late now is parents are waiting for some magic time which doesnt exists. All my sons were trained just after there 2nd birthday because I trained them. The key time for potty training is between 2 and 2.5 years old. Starting later than that makes it harder for them not easier.

Start viewing its as something you have to teach her like maths, reading etc. First off all pick a time when you have a few days off and can be home, put her in pants as if she has an accident it helps her feel wet and uncomfortable. Stop day nappies totally, loads of praise, encouragement and take her every 20 minutes to the potty.

AwkwardButNice · 06/03/2026 17:35

Children can have lots of frequent accidents at first, as they start to wee and don’t like the sensation of being wet so stop themselves. They don’t fully empty their bladder so once changed into clean clothes, can then do the exact same thing ad infinitum!

FreshInks · 06/03/2026 17:35

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:32

I agree with you. I think it is a myth. My son is one of very few in nappies in his school nursery but he is likely autistic.

Show quote history

It’s not a myth. I have worked in reception classes for years. There’s always one or two that still aren’t toilet trained.

Original poster
astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:35

Nursery have suggested trying over the weekend but if it isn’t happening not to worry. I’m trying not to stress and be upset about it.

OP posts:
FreshInks · 06/03/2026 17:33

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:30

OPs's child is two.

Show quote history

Her reply was in response to OP saying a four year old wouldn’t want to be in nappies.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:32

astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:30

I don’t think that’s totally true. It’s easier to reason with a four year old. I don’t think many non SEN children from educated and supportive homes are starting school and are not toilet trained. I thought she’d take to it easily and am a bit 😩😩 she hasn’t (nappies are very expensive) but there’s no point forcing it if she won’t.

I agree with you. I think it is a myth. My son is one of very few in nappies in his school nursery but he is likely autistic.

user2848502016 · 06/03/2026 17:31

That’s what I did both times and both DDs were out of nappies and accident free within 5 days.

There are limits though, I’d not let it get past age 3.5 without at least trying

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:31

Elizabeta · 06/03/2026 16:53

Have you seen the stats about the shockingly high number of kids to start reception in nappies?

Presuming you don’t want that, you do actually need to do some parenting…

Who said they aren't parenting? Plenty of reasons for children to not have cracked it by then.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:30

Octavia64 · 06/03/2026 17:28

There are posts every year on here from parents whose child is a couple of months away from going to school and they have never even tried potty training.

four year olds have a lot more willpower than two year olds so training them is often much harder.

OPs's child is two.

Original poster
astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:30

I don’t think that’s totally true. It’s easier to reason with a four year old. I don’t think many non SEN children from educated and supportive homes are starting school and are not toilet trained. I thought she’d take to it easily and am a bit 😩😩 she hasn’t (nappies are very expensive) but there’s no point forcing it if she won’t.

OP posts:
Coffeeandbooks88 · 06/03/2026 17:30

She isn't ready. As you are a teacher wait until the summer when you have time. Also learn to not give two shits about the judgement from others. My girl would poo her panties until she was five.

Octavia64 · 06/03/2026 17:28

There are posts every year on here from parents whose child is a couple of months away from going to school and they have never even tried potty training.

four year olds have a lot more willpower than two year olds so training them is often much harder.

Original poster
astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:28

@Abd80 i knew there would be plenty of accidents but this isn’t a sort of accident in the sense that she s still learning what to do; she’s refusing to do anything on the potty. So not really an accident (I don’t mean she’s being naughty but it’s behavioural rather than an accident.)

OP posts:
Original poster
astrangeb · 06/03/2026 17:27

I probably will do it over the summer. Just that she seemed to be showing an interest yesterday.

Nursery didn’t mind (I rang them yesterday to explain and they just said to send 5/6 changes of clothes) but she wee’d through all of them and she wouldn’t wee on the potty at all.

i find it incredibly stressful. As she gets closer to three I feel a bit judged and so taking the more child led approach seems sensible.

OP posts:
Thesnailonthewhale · 06/03/2026 17:26

Step up and train her.

She won't doi it on her own, she's a good age, getting a bit old tbh.... Do it this Easter, and save yourself time and money.

I can't fathom why you would leave it another year!

Abd80 · 06/03/2026 17:25

It’s only been two days ? I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen. But there’ll be plenty of accidents.
I took 2 weeks off work with my first two boys to start toilet learning. The first few days every single wee was an accident.
the charity ERIC has some great evidence based information that I find useful. They say that some children never show signs of readiness and encourage parents to teach and help their child learn. eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Unpaidviewer · 06/03/2026 17:24

Do you not have time off over the summer?

Swipe left for the next trending thread