To let dd self initiate potty training?

I wouldn’t try the self-initiating personally. We know a family who were very laidback about potty training and refused to persevere with it if it felt too challenging, believing they were not ready. It ended up being brought up by the child’s nursery in a meeting (who were concerned the child would be starting reception in nappies) because by this point the child was extremely attached to their nappy and having a poo inside it. It ended up taking them over a year. Some children find it trickier than others.

If you’re a teacher (as am I), I’d do it over the summer if not a few days over Easter. It’s important so my husband and I both booked time off together and turned down some family plans. We also had a newborn so it was tricky at first but then it all fell into place pretty quickly. DD was just turned two.

Expect accidents. Sorry to be twee but they are just 'ooopsies' keep praising and bribing if nothing else helps. As a pp mentioned, chocolate. buttons are greta but you are no way there yet, your dd is doing brilliantly if she already did all that at home. Nursery is a different ball game.

We trained our DD at 2 years 9 months, so similar age.

I'm afraid it took me being on mat leave and my DH taking 3 days off work (so 5 days training including the weekend). We didn't go out the first 2-3 days and then let her practice whilst out and about.

Before then she had been using the potty at nursery (refusing at home) whilst in pull-ups for awhile. They were happy to encourage her to use it with everyone else until she was ready, which helped.

What did it for us at home oddly was a potty that looks like a toilet with it's own "flush" (picked up from Aldi - £15 I think). It was more comfortable I think and made the transition easier. We still have to remind her to go when she's having fun.

Edit to say I did home-make a rewards chart for the first week and bought some colourful celebration stickers for her to add every time she did a wee on the potty. And a sweet treat for every day she was dry. Incentives do work!

You are not doing it wrong, don't worry there isn't a right way as such.

I just noticed that you are using lots of loaded words around this.

First you need to relax, and give your dd a chance. Have you ever toilet trained a puppy, it's not unsimilar.

I am a working mum as well so I know it’s difficult . I took a week off both times I tried to potty train my son. Nursery were involved and well able to take over . First time he was around the same age as your daughter. He cried his eyes out and said he wanted his nappy and started holding poos so I stopped . Nursery staff (who i highly respect and trust ) agreed it wasn’t the right time . One of them said to me wait until the summer it’s so much easier so that’s what I did when he turned 3 in the summer . It still wasn’t easy but he was definitely more ready than the first time and it is definitely easier in summer you can let them wander around in the garden and it’s not as big a deal if they have an accident and they aren’t as cold and uncomfortable. I don’t think they are ever truly “ready” and it still takes a bit of hard work and perseverance but if your instinct is that this is not the right time I would hold off until the summer. Holding off until 4 hoping they will just do it themselves isn’t realistic.

Why is it that we encourage our toddlers to walk, to feed themselves, to learn other things but potty training gets left as late as possible in some instances.

You need to put effort in and train her. Seven accidents are loads, not “only”. My DDs were both trained (for daytimes) within a few days. That’s very normal. I waited till I had time at home, over the Christmas holidays, and did it then. No accidents since then. The elder was two and three months, and the younger two and five months. The younger was older purely because of where Christmas fell in relation to her birthday.

It's not your dd's fault that nappies are expensive you are approaching the whole thing with a bunch of (unconscious) negativity and pressure.

You have got to keep it light and maintain a sense of humour.

Don’t you get at least 2 weeks holiday as a teacher? Do it then.

Normal, she will get used to it. Keep persisting. No such things as letting them do it themselves, like anything you need to teach them. She's well old enough to do it. Keep at it over the weekend, stay in, encourage and reward.

Refusing is an odd word to use @astrangeb

It's a process, work in progress. You are already turning it into a battle. Keep it light else it WILL become a battle of wills.

Yes I agree. And also if there is a SEN need it’s easier in a way because you can address the need and get more money/ support for the school.

Its actually the kids in affluent neglect or the lazy soft parents who have watched someone on Facebook who thinks potty training is abusive or just can’t be arsed with the cleaning and can’t be consistent that are more of an issue (OP not saying this is you at all, but it’s simply not true that all neurotypical middle class kids from rich houses are potty trained).

OP your DD is still young. If I were you I’d start again at Easter when I assume you have some time off and give it at least 3/4 days. No nappies at all in the day. If she’s still as bad then pause and try again in the summer. But do keep trying otherwise you might miss the window.

And if all children self-led at an appropriate time why do you think parents/ authors/ healthcare professionals and teachers have to put so much effort in.

Some kids might do it on their own but a lot won’t.

Dont wait for signs, put her on the potty regularly every few minutes with a prized item that she can only have on the potty: a toy, a book, whatever she’s excited to have. But basically remember that you’re the adult and by ensuring she does something she’s refusing to do, you’re actually helping her. You’re showing her she can rely on you as her parent to guide her. Children would make all kinds of wrong choices if we let them, wouldn’t they? Chocolate for dinner, running out into the road, not wearing a coat in the freezing cold, sticking their finger in an electric socket. You are in charge and you owe it to your DD to lead her - in this and in other things through her childhood.

Who told you it would only take a week?

You made a mistake to send her to nursery in pants before potty training as you set her up to fail, this has probably made her anxious about it.

I found having a good potty on all floors of the house and letting them run around without nappies soon did the trick. You have to have zero pressure> kids are inquisitive so they will want to explore what it is sit on it, even just for fun or 'read' a picture book on it. soon enough they'll do a wee and that's kind of it. It does help to take some annual leave (we did). Dc had already seen their little friends at nursery uinsg potties so found them intriguing. 2-2.5 is a good age.

Well if you did decide to let her ‘self initiate’ and not bother parenting her then you’d fall into the category of needing more support. It’s just a bad day with a 2 year old, you don’t need to totally change direction because she’s said no, she’s 2, refusing to cooperate is just standard toddler.

So she isn’t refusing. She is using the potty at home, but isn’t ready to do it at nursery yet.

No pants
Lots and lots to drink
Stay in one room
As soon as she starts weeing put her on the potty and give lots of praise/stickers/chocolate buttons

It's much easier when they're around 2nd birthday but you can still do it.

This is a terrible attitude. You are the parent and you are in charge. Of course she isn’t going to get the hang of it in one day at home. But she isn’t going to magically learn either. You must have thought she was ready in order to start trying. Now you need to work out a plan to do it properly.

I find it bizarre you can think this way as a teacher. The whole art of teaching is to get kids to do the things they don’t want to. Or do you just let them decide when they’re ready to do some maths?