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Original poster

To let dd self initiate potty training?

237 replies

astrangeb · 06/03/2026 16:48

Any other way seems laden with disaster.

Gave it a try yesterday and today; yesterday wasn’t too bad, today she just had seven accidents (at nursery)

I am thinking leave it until she initiates it.

OP posts:
Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 20:10

@Happytaytos i am sure you are right and I am doing it all wrong, so it probably does make sense to wait until it comes from her.

In case you hadn’t noticed I’m not having a great time of things so I don’t really feel like arguing.

Timeline has been

Thursday - repeated requests from DD to change her nappy, I suggest using the potty. She has a wee and an hour or so later a poo. Lots of praise for both. Little wee later on. And an accident on the floor.

Rang nursery and asked how they’d like me to play it. They said to bring her with lots of changes of clothes. DD very resistant to nappies and had a tantrum when I put her nappy on to go to bed.

Friday - nursery, disaster, she weed through every set of clothes I sent in and one set of nursery clothes, in the end they put her in a nappy.

Then Friday evening the nappy was dry and she weed as soon as she sat on the potty; thought - maybe it’s a nursery issue.

Today - disaster, weed on the floor this morning, sat on the potty for ages doing nothing then as soon as put her pants on weed, pooed on the floor, weed in her pants …

I put a nappy on so she could nap (she doesn’t usually but was up very early) and she just looked relieved.

I keep reading it takes around three days; there’s no way she’s going to be ready by Tuesday.

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 07/03/2026 20:02

Honestly, @astrangeb potty training is bloody awful. I think the narrative that kids crack it in a day is so unhelpful. It makes people think they’ve failed if they don’t have a child that works like that. In my experience, it took ages to feel really confident that there wouldn’t be an accident. I also found with both of mine they did really well at first, got bored once the bribery stopped and regressed a bit. It is a journey that requires persistence and patience. It can take a longtime to learn that it’s better to go to the toilet even if it means you miss an exciting game than weeing on the floor.

Happytaytos · 07/03/2026 19:59

What does trying look like?
Pressuring her into a potty that she doesn't know yet how to use isn't particularly helpful. Watching like a hawk and putting the potty under when she wees helps make the link.

An alternative is using the actual toilet. Some kids hate the potty.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 19:52

I think we have tried, the only day I didn’t try was when she was at nursery and unfortunately work won’t accept ‘my two year old is potty training’ as a reason for absence.

At the moment, she isn’t getting it. I’m sure she will, if not she will have to go to university in pull ups. Quite unlikely though.

OP posts:
Happytaytos · 07/03/2026 19:47

It's day 3 of you not really trying and you've had some success. I wouldn't quit now unless you really have to. She won't really understand until she feels the sensation before and during peeing quite a few times. Hang on in there and give it a real proper go over Easter with no nappies at all apart from sleep.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 15:51

I don’t think that’s horrible at all, it’s more the ‘you’re so lazy and no wonder children are starting reception in nappies’ comments I meant.

We have been at home. It hasn’t made any real difference.

Thanks though, that’s encouraging, I’m not sure she understands.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 07/03/2026 15:40

astrangeb · 07/03/2026 11:35

I’ll just ignore any horrible comments but today has been a disaster, she has wee’d three times on the floor and pooed on the floor once. She has sat on the potty and keeps saying she has had a wee when she hasn’t. I’m inclined to think she either doesn’t understand or she does and is refusing - either way I don’t think it’s working.

I am a bit upset about it as I’d hoped it would be easier this time round.

Show quote history

I’m not trying to be horrible but this sounds pretty normal? I think most kids have a few days which are pretty bad- most families I know stay at home for the first couple of days. And at least she’s showing willing and happy to sit on the potty.

If this is still the situation in a week I’d say stop for a a couple of months and try again but I honestly think if you stick with it you’ll get there.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 12:59

ArcticSkua · 07/03/2026 12:55

I found potty training one of the worst bits of parenting OP! My DS2 (same age as your DD) had lots of accidents for the first 8-10 days before he got the hang of it. But it was worth the pain for no more nappies.

It’s awful, isn’t it? Sad I had to put a nappy on her as she was up so early she really needed a nap today and her little face was so relieved.

OP posts:
user64788643122 · 07/03/2026 12:58

We did this. DD decided it herself when she was ready, never had an accident, and was super independent immediately. I really recommend it.

ArcticSkua · 07/03/2026 12:55

I found potty training one of the worst bits of parenting OP! My DS2 (same age as your DD) had lots of accidents for the first 8-10 days before he got the hang of it. But it was worth the pain for no more nappies.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 12:39

Easter is only a couple of weeks away really. I can’t see much changing between now and then unless it comes from her.

OP posts:
SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 07/03/2026 12:36

Leave it until Easter and then give it a week. DS was 3 when he cracked daytime but 7 when he was nappy free at night.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 12:34

I agree which has added to my guilt but then the extra washing probably isn’t brilliant either. I am inclined to leave it as I’m upset, she’s upset, no one’s winning anything. I just seem to be rubbish at this part of parenting.

OP posts:
Tigercrane · 07/03/2026 12:32

ItsameLuigi · 07/03/2026 12:03

I never trained my kids. One day they both just decided to use the toilet, right around their third birthdays.

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Lucky you, but some people's kids seem to not just get it, and just start using the toilet.Obviously it's one of those things everyone gets at some point, so probably best not to worry too much OP! Sorry if it came across as it's terrible he or she is not trained.I really don't think that.What I think is it makes it easier for you if your child can use the toilet.Plus these nappies are horrible, and are a big enviroment waste issue using plastic, so best to get dry as soon as you can.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 12:17

I don’t mind the mess, it’s wooden floors anyway so no big deal. It’s more the fact i genuinely don’t think she understands.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 07/03/2026 12:10

It's not nice but those sorts of messes are very normal for the first few days of potty training. Remember it doesn't mean that it's not working.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 12:08

ItsameLuigi · 07/03/2026 12:03

I never trained my kids. One day they both just decided to use the toilet, right around their third birthdays.

Show quote history

It may be longer but I don’t think I’m going to get anywhere until she decides she wants to.

I know nursery were encouraging it before yesterdays disaster but I don’t think that was helping as she isn’t really keen on nursery so maybe she associates potties with nursery. I don’t know.

OP posts:
Littlemisscapable · 07/03/2026 12:06

youalright · 06/03/2026 16:55

No this is why kids are going to school in nappies because parents think they should wait until the child initiates it. You need to book a week of work preferably in the summer.

This. It just takes a bit of time..you need to take a week..she cant really learn at home and in nursery it's too tricky.

ItsameLuigi · 07/03/2026 12:03

Tigercrane · 06/03/2026 16:52

She isn't going to show initiative.There are some things you need to show her.It will be easier if you do it in the summer or when it's warmer..
There are books on how to do it.

I never trained my kids. One day they both just decided to use the toilet, right around their third birthdays.

Pottylife · 07/03/2026 11:54

My daughter initiated her own potty training, so it might happen! She had just turned two and I was hoping to delay it a for a couple of months as I had a newborn, but she just decided one day that she was done with nappies and that was that. Had a couple of wee accidents, has never had a poo accident and was dry at night at the same time.

My older son would probably have never initiated potty training himself, so we did it over a bank holiday weekend when he was 2y4m. He’s still not dry at night and he’s 4.

With both of them, I’d had the potty out in the bathroom for ages so that they could use it at bathtime, so maybe that got them used to the idea.

Unpaidviewer · 07/03/2026 11:47

astrangeb · 07/03/2026 11:35

I’ll just ignore any horrible comments but today has been a disaster, she has wee’d three times on the floor and pooed on the floor once. She has sat on the potty and keeps saying she has had a wee when she hasn’t. I’m inclined to think she either doesn’t understand or she does and is refusing - either way I don’t think it’s working.

I am a bit upset about it as I’d hoped it would be easier this time round.

Show quote history

No need to be upset. This is a normal part of potty training. They will struggle to know when they need a wee and then to be able to relax and do it on the potty. Take a few deep breaths and roll with it.

Original poster
astrangeb · 07/03/2026 11:35

Damsonjam1 · 06/03/2026 20:54

Gosh! That's a bit of a generalisation. I understand the established rationale is modern nappies being so absorbant as well as relatively cheap, and life being much more pressured now (both parents needing to be in paid employment). I've never read that babies and very young children were smacked if they had accidents; that would be incredibly cruel.

Show quote history

I’ll just ignore any horrible comments but today has been a disaster, she has wee’d three times on the floor and pooed on the floor once. She has sat on the potty and keeps saying she has had a wee when she hasn’t. I’m inclined to think she either doesn’t understand or she does and is refusing - either way I don’t think it’s working.

I am a bit upset about it as I’d hoped it would be easier this time round.

OP posts:
APMom6 · 07/03/2026 09:35

Coffeeandbooks88 · 07/03/2026 07:17

It is for some children. My son with autism probably won't be fully trained before school.

Edited
Show quote history

Apologies, I worded that poorly and only thought of my own children but yes I know there are so many children with extra needs who will find it very difficult to be Toilet trained or never be TT.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 07/03/2026 07:17

APMom6 · 06/03/2026 22:46

Potty training isn’t that difficult, 6 children, 2 trained by 2, 2 by 2yrs 4mths and 2 by 2yrs 8mths. Two of those have autism and one with kidney problems but I just picked a week to train, stayed at home as much as possible and did it. My boys took a full 7 days, girls were 1 day to 4 days, one of the girls has autism and kidney problems. I used loads of chocolate and cheering.

It is for some children. My son with autism probably won't be fully trained before school.

raisinglittlepeople12 · 06/03/2026 23:15

Take a few days to focus on it.

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