To let dd self initiate potty training?

What? Less than a year for my oldest and he was fully trained at three years two months
Youngest came out of nappies at nine but hes severely autistic non verbal etc.

The signs are: are they 20-30 months old? Yes? ✅ crack on

16.5 years is a long time to potty train. Any sen?

My older 2 were a nightmare to toilet train. I don’t actually remember toilet training the youngest do it must have been simpler. I do remember him going to bed one night and refusing a night time nappy. Neither of the other 2 were dry at night at that time (both asd) and I was ver sceptical but he insisted on no night time nappy.

and that was that, the boy was clean and dry night and day.

there are signs they are physically and emotionally ready and until they are you’re fighting a losing battle.

Sometimes it does take a while for children to be fully toilet trained my oldest is 19 and I started when he was two and a half He would happily wee in the potty whilst naked but as soon as I dressed him he would wee whilst wearing pants etc he was three years and two months before he was reliably trained in the great scheme of things this was fine ,he hadn't started either school or nursery at that point
My youngest severely autistic non verbal etc and was in nappies until he was nine ( in a special school )

My eldest initiated it. We had started at the age of 2 but it became a huge stressful nightmare so I tipped and we went back to nappies. 6 months later they asked to use the toilet and within two days we had no nappies.

I mean, that’s very obviously not true, so you can knock that on the head right now. Useless, shit mums don’t give a fuck whether their kids potty train. They certainly don’t agonise about it on parenting forums.

my hard deadline was six months before starting school, so that they had a good run of practice before going to a new environment. Both of mine weren’t potty trained before 3 1/2 - they weren’t ready, had no idea what was going on, and started withholding and we decided that late nappies were preferable to constipation and UTIs. Once we did try, we used the Christmas holidays as a block of ten days we both had off work and it was tedious, repetitive, dispiriting and pissy. But after ten days, we’d made it for wees, and then we just used shameless bribery with little toys for poos after leaving them in pull-ups for a few weeks, which they didn’t wet, just pooed in. (This is the younger one, btw - the older one WAS one of those kids where we just took the pull-ups away and said here’s your pants and there were two wee accidents and that was it!)

It is one of the hardest bits of parenting small children. You will get there. If I were you, I’d leave it until summer and give it a really good go then. If your head isn’t in the right space, it won’t work.

You really will get there! Honestly. You will. You’re doing great.

Is dad around? Maybe he could take a week off and do it, take the emotion/stress out of it a bit?

Taking a breather and leaving it til Easter or summer sounds totally reasonable. You can still leave the potty about if you wanted.

With my eldest we had two false starts at about 2.5 and then a similar age to your daughter because quite frankly they got distressed (even when I got the potty out before we were even going to try). Waited til the month before they turned 3 when we had some time off work to fully focus and it was much better. It was still a slog but they were far more receptive (as was I) and were willing and able to put in practice what they needed to do (poo took a lot longer but was willingness rather than capability). In some ways I wonder if we’d waited the extra month til after their 3rd b’day, if it would’ve clicked quicker. I’d say people we know mostly started within a couple of months either side of their child’s 3rd birthday.

I do think for some kids that doing it more on their terms is necessary. We did ultimately have to make the decision to commit as I think she’d have happily stayed in nappies a lot longer otherwise. But I think we would’ve had a far trickier time and caused a lot of anxiety if we’d just carried on during one of the earlier attempts. You know your child’s temperament and it’s totally understandable you need to be in the right head space too.

All will be well in the end 😊.

Most of us train our seconds with the firsts being around. Just get on with it!

For my older DD I did put her in pull ups on nursery days & days out until she’d got the hang of it. So a hybrid approach might work for your DD too. No nappy during the day at home but pop one on at nap & night time and for nursery. Switching to pull ups gives her the option of using the potty if she can.

My DD1 potty trained with no issues in 3
days and she was just 2 years and 3 months. DD2 has ASD, we didn’t know at the time and she just wasn’t getting it so we stopped trying till she was 2y and 8 months. We did it gradually over 2 months. We started with getting her to understand what wee is so every evening after nursery, she goes nappy free, lots of accidents till but encouragement from us till she understood, that took almost 2 months. After I had annual leave for a week during the sch holiday of DD1 so we didn’t go any where and did full day training. By the end of that week, she got it, the most interesting twist was that she woke up the next week in the middle of the night on her own asking for the potty. So I did no night time potty training for her, she got it herself all before she turned 3. With DC3, I’ve done the gradual approach too and when we did full day of potty training , we got it fully by day 2

Why on earth would you call in sick? Just do it when you or your partner have a week’s annual leave. You do have to plan a time. It’s always a good idea to wait until it’s a bit warmer if you can, then little one can run around with no bottoms on for a day, then progress to pants then within a few days short trip out etc. You do have to teach your child. If you can get a ‘my carry potty’ for out and about /car boot. You can get absorbent car seat liners from Amazon if you are worried about accidents in the car. However if you always go for a wee before leaving the house you should be fine.

It is hard OP. I genuinely feel sick with things that are pee/poo related and want to vomit - I've never been able to control this - so also get anxious with Potty training.

But I've forced myself to be chill and as long as we use the travel potty regularly out and about, we are doing ok. I didn't stay home for a week - just used the travel potty.

We read books on the potty and sing songs to make it pleasant and fun. I never expected a ' 3 days and it's done' method. We've had two weeks now and I would say are 80% there (though poo in the potty is an issue as there is fear around it which I hope my child didn't get from me) . We are working on the poo thing but I know it takes time. Toilet training is difficult and a process so I wouldn't expect my child to be suddenly toilet trained and I know accidents will happen so am learning to relax.

Good luck OP.

She definitely shouldn't be sitting on the potty for extended periods. An hour is crazy!
You need to associate the potty with peeing.
When she starts peeing, that's when you get her on the potty with loads of praise and stickers/choc buttons.

You can get her to sit on the potty when you expect she is about to pee/poop eg just after her nap if her nappy is dry, but don't make her sit on it for ages just in case you can catch a wee.

Four! You shouldn’t want her in nappies when she’s four! Some children take longer than others, but even if they show a dislike of dirty nappies, you have to put the work in. Any child without additional needs should be out of nappies by 3.

Hi OP. Both my kids were reliable within 2 weeks over the summer. My DD actually wanted to copy an older friend at the CM and trained at 18months easily. The disadvantage in waiting past 3 is that kids get less eager to please you and so it can be a lot harder and ERIC (continence charity) say that kids’ muscle development is not as good if left too late. My son had so many accidents in the first 48 hours and my husband was really shocked and suggested we didn’t bother, but he was improving (bribery in the form of chocolate buttons helped) so I kept going and was glad I did. I think people think it is instant now - if you have a day off with her, you could just put her on the potty when you go to the loo and give her a chocolate button when she does anything for a bit - familiarisation rather than formal training.

DD will shows signs that she is developmentally ready for toilet training

When she hides or goes away from you when she has to go toilet

It shows that she understands what is going on and something like this will be your signal she is ready to start training

Good grief 🙈 is this initiating a "newish" thing? I potty trained my daughter 20 years ago. The idea of leaving her to initiate it baffles the hell out of me.