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AIBU?

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Don't want to go on holiday with my mother.

129 replies

SealedInSkin · 06/03/2026 14:21

My DS has a disability and got given a grant to go on a family holiday to a holiday park.

DH can't get the time off of work and as I have a toddler as well as DS who is 9, I wouldn't be able to go alone as I wouldn't be able to safely look after both in that situation.

My mother offered to come along to help out which don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the offer as I don't have any other family apart from DP so no one else to help.

However I agreed against my better judgement as I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to take DS on a holiday as we haven't been on one, ever but my mum has form for being really strict and over bearing.

She doesn't have very much patience when it comes to children. She has the 'old school' way of parenting and often ends up getting angry and shouting over what I would consider to be normal child behaviour.

For example, today we went to a cafe with my toddler who was being whingey because she was getting tired and hungry. My mum caused a right scene shouting at her to stop her bad behaviour and sit quietly, then when my toddler started crying because of this my mum stormed off.

I just know it'll be 100x worse on the holiday as both kids will be there, out of routine, in a new, busy and exciting place so I'm anticipating some behaviours but if she starts her approach of children should be seen and not heard its going to cause such a miserable environment.

I know people will say why did I ever agree to go with her but she promised she wouldn't be like that and would chill out and let me get on with the parenting, just help out but after how she was today when with us for just one hour I feel it was a big mistake.

I don't know how to approach this with her as she won't take it well.

I don't have holiday protection so I dont think I can cancel or make any changes without either losing the grant or having to pay to make changes.

It was a grant so I wont be out of pocket if I cancel but DS will be so disappointed.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
SealedInSkin · 06/03/2026 14:33

SuzieYellow · 06/03/2026 14:27

I absolutely have the same experience that sometimes “help” can just make the situation worse. Can you in any way consider going just the three of you? Work out how each day will go before you go?

I am thinking about it but I don't know if it would be a good idea.DS is 9 but needs constant supervision, DD is 2... so also needs constant supervision. The age gap means they will probably want to do different activities.

I suppose if I went alone with the two of them I could really dial back what we would be doing on the holiday and pick the activities both children could do together that would be safest and just try to make the best of it.

If it was a disaster we could just go home early as we live fairly near the park.

OP posts:
whattodoforthebest2 · 06/03/2026 14:29

Tomorrow will be a good time to broach the subject with her. She'll probably be reflecting on what happened today, so you can tell her that this situation is exactly why you were reluctant to go on holiday with her and that you really don't know what to do now because of today's incident. Put the ball in her court. She promised to be more understanding but she's demonstrated that it's unlikely to happen. How does she think you should manage the situation now?

SuzieYellow · 06/03/2026 14:27

I absolutely have the same experience that sometimes “help” can just make the situation worse. Can you in any way consider going just the three of you? Work out how each day will go before you go?

Iamsotiredandfedup · 06/03/2026 14:25

I really feel for you here OP as I understand not wanting to disappoint your son, however you know this holiday will be a nightmare with your mum. An incident like day on repeat and no time to decompress away from each other

it’s a real shame you don’t have anyone else to go with but I honestly wouldn’t attempt this with her

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