Don't want to go on holiday with my mother.

don't know how to approach this with her as she won't take it well.

Stop worrying about how she will take it for a start. It's not your mother's place to say anything to your toddler ffs. Even if she feels you are doing it wrong, and let's face it some grandparents do have some old fashioned views and aren't always shy about sharing them, it is 100% not in her remit to act on this. She can hold her own opinion, and even tell you it if she wants to be a complete bitch but this is a other level. My own dm would never chose how to parent my children and has always deferred to us as their parents.

You need to stand up to your dm. Send her a text message now.

Dm I am really disappointed in your behaviour yesterday, you had absolutely no right to shout at dc. I am now rethinking you coming away with us because it is clear you are unable to let me parents as I see fit. I am not interested in your opinion on how I should parent. If you ever shout at my children again then I am afraid you won't be allowed to see them any more.

Don't stand for this BS, you are an adult now. You don't need to tolerate it.

Loads of jobs. We can only have a certain number of people off each week.

I wouldnt trust a woman who screams and storms out in public to not be even worse in private and likely DD would have a horrible day, probably smacked several times at least.

What has OP got to be grateful for? Her mum shouting at her toddler? OP and her sister had a horrible childhood with their mother and are still scared of her. Her mum seems incapable of not being cruel to small children so OP taking her on holiday to provide some help and support is unrealistic.

I'm pretty sure that OP doesn't rely on her mum to help her with childcare. It is only this particular situation that has led OP to ask her mum for help and her mum has proved that she is incapable of not being abusive to OP's small child.

Stop panicking and just go on your own. Play it by ear. Maybe there'll be a crèche on site. Maybe there'll be another parent you make friends with who can hold a toddler while you take 9yr old on a ride. Just focus on doing one thing per day. There'll be lots to look at with both of them I'm sure. And there's bound to be stuff you can all do together.

You’re going to have to tell her that she isn’t to raise her voice or scold the children - ever. Tell her you have concerns around going on the trip at all due to her behaviour.

If she throws a wobble then you know you’ll need to cancel.

I also recommend growing a friendship circle of other women. At least you’ll have people to do things with like this who aren’t going to make your kids cry.

OP won’t because it seems she doesn’t have much support in rl and relies on her mother for children I suspect

Stand up to your mum she’s a bully

To me you seem ungrateful to be honest and stuck on your own ways thinking you have master parenting. If you want to go on free holidays accept the help as it comes and not in your terms. She is doing you a favour to come and babysit. Otherwise stay home and don’t complain.

Your DC sound similar to mine. I think in your shoes I would try going by yourself, it may surprise you and give you the confidence to do more once home.

Edited to say sorry I didnt mean to quote anyone here.

There is no easy way to approach this. She promised you she would moderate her behaviour while at the same time showing you she can’t do this.

You don’t feel able to leave DD with her because you know what she will be like.

All the evidence shows you it is not a good idea for her to go on holiday with you.

If the park is fairly near you home why can’t DH go with you? He could still travel to work and you will be alone with both kids in the day but at least he could be there for evening & night.

So sad to read your mum shouted at your poor toddler for normal toddler behaviour. I wouldn’t be bringing mother on holiday at all and I wouldn’t leave my toddler alone with her either in future.

just go yourself and your kids, it’ll be an adventure. Not a very relaxing one for you, but they’ll love it. You can go in the pool together and get takeaways.
don’t put yourself under pressure do do lots of activities.

Please don't leave your 2 year old with your abusive mother. She's not old enough to understand why your mum is losing her temper at her, and even if she could understand she shouldn't have to be treated like that.

Are you due to be away from Mon - Fri? I think you will enjoy it far more without your mum, even if you have to cut some activities or even come home a day early. Message Butlins to see if they have the Red Riders mentioned above. Set expectations accordingly with your ds. He/you may not be able to go on everything, but you can still have fun together, and a change of scene.

Best of luck.

I just don't think I could go on the holiday, your mum sounds like she will suck every ounce of fun out of it and you'll not relax at all.

Op I am shocked that your mother shouted at your toddler and that alone would put me off leaving her with your mum for any part of the trip (or ever). Poor little thing, she is doing exactly what toddlers do and being shouted at for it, that is a traumatic experience for a little kid. I wouldn't use mum as a babysitter..

I suppose if I went alone with the two of them I could really dial back what we would be doing on the holiday and pick the activities both children could do together that would be safest and just try to make the best of it.

Do this, honestly when I ask my children to recall their holidays, the most random things come up as their most memorable parts, and it isn't the bits that cost the most or any of the 'activities' , so for instance the time we stayed in Cornwall and a couple had a massive argument outside the cottage in the wee hours of the morning and I made us all hot chocolate and we hid behind the curtains, rating their insults to each other !

Explore to see if they have a creche at the holiday park, I think you'll be fine just you and your children just do different things on different days. I also think all the children should go. When we as a family had a funded holiday because of of my four children had a disability, the nurses said sometimes the other children are overlooked because of the attention the child gets. You could try laying down ground rules with your mom and say it's her last chance and she sticks by your rules or she pays for a taxi for herself and leaves. My husband ( now ex) was useless and it was all left to me with four under the age of seven. You'll be surprised how much a sibling can help

Could you find some day time childcare for your toddler(eg childminder) you just take your son? Your husband can drop and pick up from daycare, put her to bed etc.

I can’t read the whole thread as it was all avoidable. Can you not gift it to someone?

I’d check with DH when he actually can get time off, and then move it to one of those dates.

Don’t take your mum, difficult parents are the worst (I have them).

this holiday is all about your DS. So I would take him alone.

Leave your Dd with your mum during the day and dad can collect and drop her off before and after work. Not ideal I know but mum can stay in with dd for the week if she (that’s mum not dd) throws toddler tantrums if out in public.

enjoy your special holiday with your ds.

Whatever you end up doing I hope you have a lovely time, Butlins is great fun for kids.

Can your DS swim? The pools are always good fun and have some shallower bits for little kids which your DD would hopefully enjoy

Is there someone from his school that you trust, a TA for example. Would you feel comfortable with them coming?
I would speak to the holiday place, explain everything and hopefully they will be able to just change the dates. Have you husbands available dates ready when you ring.

If meal times are the biggest trigger then put a firm boundary around meal times. She can come on holiday but must eat separately for every meal if she can’t control her temper. Stop going for family meals with her.