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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should we be paying for both brides?

229 replies

ohbaby70 · 06/03/2026 14:10

Friend getting married next year. Both women. They want a joint hen do abroad. They have asked us not to cover their costs because there are two of them. Maid of Honour wants us to pay anyway. Everyone else agrees. AIBU to think it’s a bit much? It’s an extra £100.

If it matters, there are 20 of us going and it’s for three nights in Greece.

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 06/03/2026 16:04

@ohbaby70 I don't know how other posters feel, but how about having a word with one of the brides? I guess that would be ruining the "surprise!" but I bet they'd be pretty pissed off seeing as they've stated they don't want their friends to pay for them.

PPS were right to suggest that you're not the only person to be galled by this request, but people are so damn polite or afraid to speak up.

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 06/03/2026 16:03

VickyEadieofThigh · 06/03/2026 14:57

"At this time?" What ARE you on about? Speaking as one of the L, we're good, thanks.

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I was joking about how bloody ridiculous the previous post. I have literally no idea what “at this time” is about 😂 or why anyone would have a different response to a hen do for a gay marriage vs a heterosexual one.

CrystalGaze · 06/03/2026 16:00

PensionMention · 06/03/2026 14:28

I don’t know what happened to just an evening at the pub but no I don’t think they should be subbed, it’s already costing you a grand.

I don't know either! What the OP is describing isn't a "hen do" imo, it's a holiday.

So, the two brides-to-be want to go on a holiday before the wedding with a group of their friends? That's great, if the friends are up for it and can afford it. But I don't see why the friends should be expected to pay for the brides' holidays as well as their own.

StormyLandCloud · 06/03/2026 16:00

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 06/03/2026 14:33

Normally I would say no but if it's LGBT then yes you should pay to show support for the community at this time

What?! How does that make it different 😵‍💫

IMustDoMoreExercise · 06/03/2026 15:59

I would just pay £50 as that is what you would pay if there was only one bride.

NorthXNorthWest · 06/03/2026 15:59

SardinesOnButteredToast · 06/03/2026 15:57

Dialling in from the B delegation. We don't need the cash, thanks. We're doing just Jim Dandy at this time.

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😂

SardinesOnButteredToast · 06/03/2026 15:57

Ohmygeorgey · 06/03/2026 15:54

I came for the thread, but now I'm staying for the "support the gays at this time" lady.

Grin
SardinesOnButteredToast · 06/03/2026 15:57

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 06/03/2026 14:33

Normally I would say no but if it's LGBT then yes you should pay to show support for the community at this time

Dialling in from the B delegation. We don't need the cash, thanks. We're doing just Jim Dandy at this time.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 06/03/2026 15:56

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 06/03/2026 14:41

I'm just saying what I would do. I'd be worried if I didn't pay then they might think I'm homophobic. You do whatever you want to do

I think the fact OP is friends with them and wants to celebrate their hen and wedding with them, suggests OP is not homophobic, and that the brides will think so too.

Do you always tie yourself in mad knots?

Ohmygeorgey · 06/03/2026 15:54

I came for the thread, but now I'm staying for the "support the gays at this time" lady.

NorthXNorthWest · 06/03/2026 15:53

Isittimeformynapyet · 06/03/2026 15:49

Who is the MOH "letching" over?

"Letchy" (or lechy) is an informal adjective meaning lecherous, lustful, or behaving in a lascivious manner. It describes someone with an excessive, often crude, sexual interest. It is derived from the noun "letch" (a strong, indecent desire) and is often used to describe someone acting in a creepy or overt way. "

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I thing they might mean leechy as in leech.

BauhausOfEliott · 06/03/2026 15:52

I've never been asked to pay for the bride on a hen do!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/03/2026 15:49

saveforthat · 06/03/2026 14:37

How could there be two brides without it being LGBT? What a ridiculous answer. What if both brides are loaded and their friends not?

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Er, two brides who happen to be friends, and are each marrying a bloke?

Isittimeformynapyet · 06/03/2026 15:49

Betterbeanon78 · 06/03/2026 15:03

So two lesbians get special treatment? That is just a form of positive discrimination.

Gay or not, I would tell this upstart of a maid of honour to jog on!

There is nothing worse than a letchy Maid of Honour who is like a boil on your arse that you can't quite get rid of.

Everytime you open your whatsapp, there is another daily dump from them with a "Hi ladies...." scrounging for money.

That is a whole big barrel of Nope from me.

Who is the MOH "letching" over?

"Letchy" (or lechy) is an informal adjective meaning lecherous, lustful, or behaving in a lascivious manner. It describes someone with an excessive, often crude, sexual interest. It is derived from the noun "letch" (a strong, indecent desire) and is often used to describe someone acting in a creepy or overt way. "

Clarabell77 · 06/03/2026 15:46

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 06/03/2026 14:33

Normally I would say no but if it's LGBT then yes you should pay to show support for the community at this time

Is going on the hen holiday and paying £1000 to do so not supportive enough?

ThatThisThatYou · 06/03/2026 15:45

How on earth does 3 nights in Greece cost that much?
Are you staying in a hotel made of gold?

BernadetteJune · 06/03/2026 15:44

PensionMention · 06/03/2026 14:28

I don’t know what happened to just an evening at the pub but no I don’t think they should be subbed, it’s already costing you a grand.

Absolutely agree. I had a lovely meal out at a local restaurant with my close friends. Lovely!

Toomuchprivateinfo · 06/03/2026 15:43

Yanbu. Moh can cover it herself if she’s that bothered.

Flowertrees · 06/03/2026 15:43

I absolutely hate this idea of hen parties abroad. The idea that the hen/s expect all their guests to pay a grand to go on their hen party in the first place is ridiculous, but then the idea they they don’t have to pay anything themselves? Absolutely crazy. Can’t believe the MOH is suggesting it.

TellingBone · 06/03/2026 15:42

'ow much? 😲

emilysquest · 06/03/2026 15:40

senua · 06/03/2026 15:10

I thought Hen / Stag do were so that one party to the wedding had an event (meal, holiday, whatever) with their best mates, way from their other half.

How does it work if both halves go on the same holiday?Confused

That is exactly what I thought. I don't really go along with the idea of hen dos and have never been to one or had one, but surely the idea is that you are having one last bash as an unmarried person, without your other half? If the couple go away together with their friends that's just a group holiday. Or an extended part of the wedding.

WonderingWhatWillHappen · 06/03/2026 15:40

ruffler45 · 06/03/2026 15:14

£ 1000 for 3 days x 20 people = £20000 for a hen do.

Cant be serious?

This except then the cost of the brides is on top so it's £22,000.

I went to Greece with friends last year for 4 nights. Was less than £500 each for flights and accommodation in the centre of Athens.

diddl · 06/03/2026 15:38

Laserwho · 06/03/2026 15:33

If I had to pay £1000 to go on a hen do I wouldn't be going anyway.

Well quite.

Why people agree in the first place is beyond me.

Does it cover flight, accommodation & all food at least?

Will the group naturally split into smaller groups or will a lot of time be wasted trying to get 20 people t agree on activities?

Isittimeformynapyet · 06/03/2026 15:36

TheFilliesWillRiseAgain · 06/03/2026 14:41

I'm just saying what I would do. I'd be worried if I didn't pay then they might think I'm homophobic. You do whatever you want to do

It's like the gays are new to you.

OP is their friend. OP might even be going with her own wife/gf. Imagine that!

NorthXNorthWest · 06/03/2026 15:33

Just say no thanks. Everyone else is probably feeling the same.

Expecting your friends to pay 1000 to celebrate with you is more than enough. It's the principle. The MoH is just looking for a pat on the back from the happy couple.

Do not make a contribution to LGBTQ. You haven't done anything wrong.

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