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Original poster

Ex threatening to move back into house

35 replies

April2013 · 06/03/2026 13:20

Separated from angry volatile ex a year ago, he moved out about 6 months ago. We have kids. He is threatening to move back in - no financial settlement yet or divorce house in both names. Do I just call the police? How do I get an occupation order? Worried will happen this evening. Any advice would be amazing thanks so much.

OP posts:
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ShakeNCake · 09/03/2026 09:49

Im sorry OP, this is horrible. The idea of an angry drunk demanding to come back into the house makes me feel anxious too. I haven't been in this position myself, but I would be trying to get as much informed advice as possible. Maybe womens aid, shelter, citizens advice first as they are free, then see what they recommend next. Perhaps non-emergency police to ask what you can do in the event he turns up drunk and aggressive when you and the kids are in the house.

TallulahBetty · 09/03/2026 09:04

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:33

That her abuser who has moved out due to DV is now threatening to force his way into the house against her consent and she's terrified as he's violent?

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There was no mention of DV or abuse.

Original poster
April2013 · 07/03/2026 17:09

I have an appointment in a couple of weeks with solicitor and there is plenty of money from his side that he could use to buy a house outright if he wanted to but looks like he doesn’t want to do that. He is refusing to give his key back and I am living with fear of him coming into house at any time. Of course it is his house as much as it is mine but I know with the settlement there will be enough money for me to stay in the house and for him to have enough to set himself up and he could have gone ahead and done that but hasn’t.

thanks so much for all the advice so far, thank you and I am sorry to everyone who has been in this situation and much worse.

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 07/03/2026 16:01

You really need to get the divorce process going, then you apply for the occupation order.

BashfulClam · 07/03/2026 15:17

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/03/2026 15:01

Get a dead bolt fitted

He can call the police to get access.

BashfulClam · 07/03/2026 15:17

She can’t stop him having access. My dad flung my mum outside during an argument. She called the police and they turned up and told him he had to let her back in. He got mouthy and then asked if he wanted to spend the night at the station.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/03/2026 15:01

Get a dead bolt fitted

BillieWiper · 07/03/2026 13:10

Teaandwater · 06/03/2026 13:41

Please do not give advice that's wrong. Her ex has as much right to be in the house as OP. Really annoys me when people like you go on about changing locks and calling police. It's not helpful.

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It was helpful for me to stop my head getting caved in again.

sallymonella · 07/03/2026 10:24

Op, he doesn't need to have hit you for it to be DV. Contact a woman's charity and a solicitor is my advice. Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 07/03/2026 10:20

April2013 · 06/03/2026 16:47

He is aggressive verbally and intimidating but hasn’t hit me. Getting counselling for anxiety mostly caused by him. Just treading on egg shells etc. I have appointment with solicitor coming up, he is using threat of moving back in as a way to get me to agree to a financial split i dont want. He moved into a campervan as that is what he wanted and doesn’t want to be in the house, it’s just to try and not give me any money at all/contribute to mortgage etc in the interim while we haven’t got financial settlement agreed.

we separated due to his drinking and anger.

It's not really reasonable for you to expect him to pay for a house he doesn't live in. If you don't want him to move in, you need to take over all the mortgage/bills yourself, or pay him market rent for his half of the property, or you can move out. Otherwise, you both have equal rights to live in a property you are both paying for.

The most important thing is that you sort the finances out, so you can both move on with your lives without being financially tied to each other. If you're dragging your heels, or making unreasonable demands then I can understand why he feels that moving back into the house is his best option.

Original poster
April2013 · 06/03/2026 16:47

He is aggressive verbally and intimidating but hasn’t hit me. Getting counselling for anxiety mostly caused by him. Just treading on egg shells etc. I have appointment with solicitor coming up, he is using threat of moving back in as a way to get me to agree to a financial split i dont want. He moved into a campervan as that is what he wanted and doesn’t want to be in the house, it’s just to try and not give me any money at all/contribute to mortgage etc in the interim while we haven’t got financial settlement agreed.

we separated due to his drinking and anger.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 16:28

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 13:41

So lie to the police?

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I did not say that. I was giving my honest opinion on what I'd do if it was a risk of DV. And I explained why.

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:52

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Thank you. That's kind. I do hope it's not that bad for OP but I tend to assume the worst.

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 06/03/2026 13:51

Are you paying the mortgage and bills alone, so that he can afford to rent or buy elsewhere? I very much doubt he really wants to live with you, but most people can't afford to pay for two homes, so he may not have any choice, particularly if you're dragging your feet about selling up and splitting the marital assets.

BySunnyReader · 06/03/2026 13:48

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sesquipedalian · 06/03/2026 13:47

OP, you would have to go to court and get an injunction if the house is in both your names. You would need to see a solicitor, and you need to start divorce proceedings and get your finances/home ownership/childcare situation properly tied up. If your ex simply moved out six months ago and nothing has been done since, there is nothing stopping him from coming back,

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:46

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Maybe. I guess I've been in DV situations and if the person came back that's what I'd do. But yeah you're right it might not be that serious.

BySunnyReader · 06/03/2026 13:43

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WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 06/03/2026 13:42

If its his house too then theres not much you can do. You cant change the locks when rightly its half his home? Has there been any DV?

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 13:42

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:41

Ok well if he's no threat to her she certainly seems pretty scared.

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She can’t keep him out of a house he owns in the situation she describes.

Teaandwater · 06/03/2026 13:41

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:24

Yes ring the police. Get the locks changed now if you haven't already.
Do not answer the door to him or speak to him if he comes other than to say you've called the police and firmly to go away.

Please do not give advice that's wrong. Her ex has as much right to be in the house as OP. Really annoys me when people like you go on about changing locks and calling police. It's not helpful.

Lookskywalker · 06/03/2026 13:41

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:33

That her abuser who has moved out due to DV is now threatening to force his way into the house against her consent and she's terrified as he's violent?

Show quote history

So lie to the police?

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ok well if he's no threat to her she certainly seems pretty scared.

BySunnyReader · 06/03/2026 13:39

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WhatSharonSaidNext · 06/03/2026 13:37

BillieWiper · 06/03/2026 13:33

That her abuser who has moved out due to DV is now threatening to force his way into the house against her consent and she's terrified as he's violent?

Show quote history

She said nothing about being abused or domestic violence. He isn’t threatening to force his way in either so stop making things up. It’s his house. He doesn’t need to force his way in. He has a right to live there.