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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

410 replies

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 13:18

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

OP posts:
RachelGreep87 · 07/03/2026 10:46

You're the guest in this situation.

jeaux90 · 07/03/2026 10:34

I understand the disruption prevention with your DD. Mine did her GCSES last summer and I timed the closing of the house I was buying to close in June. It took from March to June to do that so it’s a great time to start executing on the plan.

daisychain01 · 07/03/2026 08:56

@guestsareinvited I didn't suggest anything to put off your visitor (I didn't know the person was your DM at the time), because it seems futile and counter productive. All you'd be doing was letting the person know they were getting to you.

change your mindset, that's the only way to keep control in a situation like this. Your DM is controlling, many DMs are based on all the posts about them on here. she thinks she still owns you and doesn't consider you to be an independent adult with a family of your own.

you have an escape plan, you'll be buying your own property in the months to come, surely it's better to focus on that with hope than drag yourself down feeling disempowered and frustrated by the controlling behaviour of your DM. Soon you'll be able to see her and contact her on your terms.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 08:11

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 08:06

She doesn't appear to be paying any rent, but not for want of trying - her mother refuses to rent or sell it to her, despite her offers.

Presumably her mother refuses because an actual lease would require her to abide by normal landlord practices, which don't include treating the place as her own home whenever she feels like it.

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So the op must be making substantial savings each month and has been since September. Could have moved months ago. Chose not to.

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 08:11

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 07:59

They’ve been “suffering” since September

the op didn’t move because I’d bet her mum is charging her nothing or pennies to rent

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It's the only explanation.

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 08:10

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 07:40

She has addressed it:

Because my daughter sits her GCSE's in two months. Uprooting her now would be really disruptive and unfair.

But there's that strangely common Mumsnet idea that moving is a simple and trivial matter, instead of the very major and traumatic upheaval that it usually entails...

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No. If things are as bad as they are, she needs to move. It's far more harmful to a teenage girl to be living in such a toxic environment, with a nother in this mental state.
It's early March, it's not ideal, but she could get another local rental until she buys.
I would not put my daughter through this.

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 08:06

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 07:59

They’ve been “suffering” since September

the op didn’t move because I’d bet her mum is charging her nothing or pennies to rent

Show quote history

She doesn't appear to be paying any rent, but not for want of trying - her mother refuses to rent or sell it to her, despite her offers.

Presumably her mother refuses because an actual lease would require her to abide by normal landlord practices, which don't include treating the place as her own home whenever she feels like it.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 07:59

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 07:40

She has addressed it:

Because my daughter sits her GCSE's in two months. Uprooting her now would be really disruptive and unfair.

But there's that strangely common Mumsnet idea that moving is a simple and trivial matter, instead of the very major and traumatic upheaval that it usually entails...

Show quote history

They’ve been “suffering” since September

the op didn’t move because I’d bet her mum is charging her nothing or pennies to rent

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 07:58

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 07:23

This is what many of us have been saying, and what the OP won't address.

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Which is an answer in itself

the op will be benefiting from paying pennies for rent

Stormwhale · 07/03/2026 07:48

wake them up all through the night saying you smell smoke or gas or something. That’s an emergency so you have to alert them.

Thelankyone · 07/03/2026 07:45

I’d just buy somewhere else, the only reason this game continues for so long is as you engage, you play the game with her, you don’t need to do this, find another house offer and move,

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 07:40

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 07:23

This is what many of us have been saying, and what the OP won't address.

Show quote history

She has addressed it:

Because my daughter sits her GCSE's in two months. Uprooting her now would be really disruptive and unfair.

But there's that strangely common Mumsnet idea that moving is a simple and trivial matter, instead of the very major and traumatic upheaval that it usually entails...

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 07:23

Pricelessadvice · 07/03/2026 07:19

I don’t understand why you don’t rent/buy a different house?
Is she allowing you to stay there for free? Is that why you stay?
The only way to stop this situation is take the power away, and to do that you need to find somewhere else to live.

This is what many of us have been saying, and what the OP won't address.

SoICrawledThroughTheCatFlap · 07/03/2026 07:22

I can see you're making plans to move after GCSEs are over, not long now.

Can I suggest a fart machine?
They are very realistic sounding these days.
It gives you & your daughter an opportunity to look as disgusted as you feel with her behaviour 😂

Pricelessadvice · 07/03/2026 07:19

I don’t understand why you don’t rent/buy a different house?
Is she allowing you to stay there for free? Is that why you stay?
The only way to stop this situation is take the power away, and to do that you need to find somewhere else to live.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 06:36

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 06:27

You could be right, because otherwise why on earth would she live like that and put her daughter through it as well? There's a simple solution - move out.

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The mother will be renting the property for nothing or pennies. That is why the OP is staying put

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 06:27

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 06:23

Op won’t do a thing because she knows which side her bread is buttered.

In short, the op will be paying a peppercorn rent if that. That is why is she is sucking up the poor behaviour.

The pound signs are too compelling to make her move .

You could be right, because otherwise why on earth would she live like that and put her daughter through it as well? There's a simple solution - move out.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 06:23

Op won’t do a thing because she knows which side her bread is buttered.

In short, the op will be paying a peppercorn rent if that. That is why is she is sucking up the poor behaviour.

The pound signs are too compelling to make her move .

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 00:24

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/03/2026 23:43

Get those timed cricket noise makers and hide it under the floorboard.

Only go off every half an hour once, so hard to locate, but the battery lasts a year.

I am SO TEMPTED!!!! That and the little mosquito thingy. I mustn't - I am definitely a good person and I genuinely only intended this thread to be a bit of lighthearted tension relief.

OP posts:
Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 00:11

RandomMess · 06/03/2026 23:32

Parcel DD off to a friends for the night and have very loud sex, not sure who with though!

I do have a (usually) willing volunteer and I did suggest it. He cannot stand the way she treats me, and she's been quite unpleasant to him the past too, so he prefers not to be around when she is. He would probably give her a well deserved piece of his mind. I am welcome at his place anytime I want, but that means leaving DD alone with her, which is hardly fair.

I thought it would be best in the sitting room, fully visible through the French doors as she came down the garden. She could beat a quiet retreat and no embarrassing confrontation. Just some very necessary reflection on her part about respecting privacy (you park at the back here behind a gate, so no-one else would catch an eyeful). However, she has no boundaries, and would probably just barge though with a 'don't mind me'. She is not above coarse heckling and he would be mortified. I've had to fit an extra bolt on the bathroom, because she has no issues with turning the screw lock and wandering in anyway for the most trifling of reasons. This has not endeared her to DD15!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 23:52

sesquipedalian · 06/03/2026 23:06

OP, why has your DM suddenly started visiting so often? And I absolutely agree with other posters: under no circumstances buy her house - find somewhere else that will be absolutely yours and nothing to do with her. If you start looking now, you should be able to move shortly after your finishes her exams. Does your DM think you like having her there, or does she know you resent her? I might have been tempted to say something to the effect that once I got out of her house, I’d make sure I never saw her again. Would she care? I just don’t understand a parent behaving like this towards a daughter - she must know that this arrangement can’t go on for ever, and that she’s hardly endearing herself to you.

It isn't out of character for her to be so hard, but it does seem more extreme lately. She definitely knows I don't want her - that's why she's doubled down and is coming more often - no one is going to tell her when she is allowed in HER HOUSE. A couple of people have suggested it could be the start of dementia. But she has always been very quite overbearing and controlling. Other than staying here, she doesn't contact me at all, unless she wants something.

I will definitely be grey rocking when we move. I likely won't go no contact because she won't respect privacy and will be a right pain pushing for clearing the air and getting it off her chest (which will be a one way rant for her where she outlines her expectations and ignores or dismisses anyone else's feelings or boundaries, with varying degrees of abuse). Superficial chit chat over coffee once every couple of months is worth it to keep her off my doorstep. (I'm sure she will feel I'm the problem. That's absolutely fine)

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 06/03/2026 23:43

Get those timed cricket noise makers and hide it under the floorboard.

Only go off every half an hour once, so hard to locate, but the battery lasts a year.

RandomMess · 06/03/2026 23:32

Parcel DD off to a friends for the night and have very loud sex, not sure who with though!

SuziQuinto · 06/03/2026 23:23

GinintheBin · 06/03/2026 23:22

Buy some prawns on their use-by date and sew them into the hems of the unwanted person's bedroom curtains.

It'll stink the house out.

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 23:23

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/03/2026 22:12

You need to stop planning to buy that, make it extremely clear that you’re only looking elsewhere and LOOK. Even if you did buy it she would always feel entitled, kill that plan stone dead op.

I am looking, and I've no issues buying somewhere else. I expect it to take three months, so that's why I've pushed her this time.

She definitely wouldn't pull this crap if I owned it. The absolute first thing I would do is get smart locks and cameras installed. The car is garaged, the back is gated and the front windows have privacy tints and shutters. If she turns up unannounced, I will not answer. She can rage in a very public street, or go to a hotel. Then she can call and ask if it's convenient to visit. I do not owe her availability with no notice.

Even if I agree to her staying, I will only be validating her smart lock token for one use, and it will expire in 24 hours. She'll have to ask me every time. I am really pissed off that she feels she doesn't owe me the very basic courtesy of letting me know when she is coming and going. So I will be revoking that privilege hard.

OP posts: