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Original poster

To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

410 replies

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 13:18

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

OP posts:
Eufyon · 07/03/2026 17:05

You took a huge risk as I’m guessing you and your mother have had a pretty awful and unpleasant relationship for…. Well a long time!

Don’t even consider buying the property from her! Even if she reduces by £150k

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 17:01

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 15:25

My boy is going GCSEs.

Nothing is stopping you hunting for a house now, and then arranging a move out date (either rent or buy) for when she finishes in mid June.

if you get looking now - a move out date in June is totally doable.

Clearly you a your mother have a history of difficult and unloving relations. Mind boggling you took the risk tbh

I am now doing exactly that. The fastest and easiest (for me) way out of this was to buy the bloody place, change the locks, deal with the issues properly and get on with my life. She’s been agreeing but procrastinating since Christmas and this week was my stop loss for her to accept and move forward elsewhere. She has decided she wants an extra £150k and that’s not on.

I am not going to put itching powder on the loo roll or dead mice in her bed. But it’s making us laugh instead of gritting my teeth in the meantime, and I’ll take that. That’s all this thread was for. A bit of humour to take the edge off a rough time.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2026 16:57

I’m not sure if anyone else has suggested this, @guestsareinvited, but could you print off the details for houses within your budget and area, and leave them lying around for your mum to see? Then when she asks about them, tell her you are looking to move as soon as your dd has finished her GCSEs, because she has mucked you around so much. And of course she can sell the house to whomever she wishes, but you don’t think she will get anything like what you’ve offered for it, on the open market.

I am sure moving is the right decision - to be honest, I wouldn’t advise buying the house from her, even if she offered it at a knock-down price, because of the hassle she will give you, about letting her come and stay.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 16:54

But you knew the woman, she was your mother!! You’re saying this awful behaviour came out of the blue and before now you had a relationship built on love and trust?

I think not

you took a massive risk!

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 16:48

No, I wasn’t. I agreed to rent a house, not a house share. I agreed to rent a three bed house not use of a three bed with the owner in one. She stipulated those non-negotiable conditions after I had committed to selling mine, and was partly moved in, which I do think was unreasonable. I would not have agreed to that previously, and I think that was calculated. She had also said she was going to rent to an acquaintance, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have expected them to put up with this, so I expected her to visit the same or less.

I WAS expecting her to come to stay on her previous schedule which was around 4 days every six weeks. And I was expecting her to communicate when and how long she expected to stay for. I was expecting some collaboration over when was convenient for us. Not ideal, but manageable. I wasn’t expecting her to stay for two months and refuse to say when she planned to leave. And I wasn’t expecting her for three weeks in five. With no communication.

I knew about some of the problems with the house. I am not bothered about them and am happy to deal with them, rent or no. I mentioned them to give some perspective to folks who feel I am fleecing my mother for peanuts. I don’t feel that’s how this is.

OP posts:
Eufyon · 07/03/2026 16:43

OSupergran · 07/03/2026 16:09

I hate these threads where the OP has stated in her second post that she rents, has made it clear that moving in the next couple of months is not an option, and then you get posters, hundreds of posts in, gleefully claiming that the OP clearly doesn't rent and refuses to say why she won't move.

Are people getting more illiterate or are they deliberately trying to derail what was obviously a humorous thread?

Didn’t strike me as an obviously humorous thread.

The Op clearly despises her mother, and her mother clearly delights in basking in the knowledge and making her daughters life unpleasant

So, rather begs the question why the OP took such an incredible risk of becoming utterly reliant on her mother for a roof over her and her child’s head.

Hence posters thinking that the “rent” which the op refers to presumably was pennies

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 16:24

AcrossthePond55 · 07/03/2026 15:35

@guestsareinvited

In the event that you do end up finding another property or even whilst you're looking, make sure that she understands up front that you will NOT be 'checking in' or caretaking her empty house. Nor will you act as 'property management' should she happen to find a tenant willing to rent 'under the table'.

I think that's a fair point, it should be a fresh start.

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 16:23

OSupergran · 07/03/2026 16:09

I hate these threads where the OP has stated in her second post that she rents, has made it clear that moving in the next couple of months is not an option, and then you get posters, hundreds of posts in, gleefully claiming that the OP clearly doesn't rent and refuses to say why she won't move.

Are people getting more illiterate or are they deliberately trying to derail what was obviously a humorous thread?

It's a humorous thread with a serious sub text. She's now discussing issues with her daughter, and why it's so hard to move out of the house at the moment. She's trying to evaluate the rental issues, but is definitely planning to move. So it's not really all about the pranks.

OSupergran · 07/03/2026 16:09

I hate these threads where the OP has stated in her second post that she rents, has made it clear that moving in the next couple of months is not an option, and then you get posters, hundreds of posts in, gleefully claiming that the OP clearly doesn't rent and refuses to say why she won't move.

Are people getting more illiterate or are they deliberately trying to derail what was obviously a humorous thread?

AcrossthePond55 · 07/03/2026 15:35

@guestsareinvited

In the event that you do end up finding another property or even whilst you're looking, make sure that she understands up front that you will NOT be 'checking in' or caretaking her empty house. Nor will you act as 'property management' should she happen to find a tenant willing to rent 'under the table'.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 15:25

My boy is going GCSEs.

Nothing is stopping you hunting for a house now, and then arranging a move out date (either rent or buy) for when she finishes in mid June.

if you get looking now - a move out date in June is totally doable.

Clearly you a your mother have a history of difficult and unloving relations. Mind boggling you took the risk tbh

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 15:25

guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 15:16

Apologies if I wasn't clear. I'm asking what percentage of market rent do you think it is fair to ask for a legally unrentable property with known issues that the owner has unrestricted access and they retain a room for their exclusive in. Just as a rough idea, its not a science.

Show quote history

As I said upthread, you'd probably get a good idea by looking online and checking out local estate agents.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 15:22

legally unrentable property with known issues that the owner has unrestricted access and they retain a room for their exclusive in.

You were aware of all this when you moved in? Aware that your mother was…. Unpleasant, before you moved in?

or was all this a surprise back in September?

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 15:16

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 14:34

How the HECK can I tell you what I think would be a fair rent when I have squat all idea where the property is or any real detail about it?! 😀

Apologies if I wasn't clear. I'm asking what percentage of market rent do you think it is fair to ask for a legally unrentable property with known issues that the owner has unrestricted access and they retain a room for their exclusive in. Just as a rough idea, its not a science.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 07/03/2026 14:35

The answer to your question about rent is entirely dependent on where the property is and how big it is OP, as well as the condition. I live in the Midlands and a 3 bedroom house would be £1200 - £1400, so I would consider 750/800 to be reasonable. (Well all those prices are unreasonable really, but still). If it was conditional on the homeowner being able to rock up at any time and stay as long as they want, I would say 400-500 quid would be cheap.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 14:34

How the HECK can I tell you what I think would be a fair rent when I have squat all idea where the property is or any real detail about it?! 😀

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 14:28

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 07:59

They’ve been “suffering” since September

the op didn’t move because I’d bet her mum is charging her nothing or pennies to rent

Show quote history

I'm genuinely curious - in the social circumstances, what would you personally consider a fair rent, as a proportion of full rent? (I do pay rent, and it's absolutely not pennies)

I would have moved before Christmas, if she had simply said she didn't want to sell. We will move now, because adding £150k to the asking price is silly, but not before DDs GCSE's - that's her choice.

OP posts:
Eufyon · 07/03/2026 14:09

No one forced you to move in
No one forced you to forced you to stay for the last 7 months
You could have months a few months back and would have been no disruption at all to your daughter

You stayed there. So we can only presume either your a sucker for punishment or… you’re paying peanuts

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 13:52

guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 13:48

It's not the question I asked or the spirit of the thread. I'm looking for a bit of humorous relief in a tough time. I don't want to move an autistic child in her GCSE year. DD and I have talked and she rather stick it out.

I'm curious, though. In your opinion, How much rent would be fair in the circumstances?

The property is not up to rental standards and would not get electrical, plumbing or EPC certification. I estimate it would take around ten thousand pounds worth of certified work to be rentable.

It is worth mentioning it's in objectively terrible decorative taste. And has ongoing problems, like the toilet blocking once a fortnight, wiring that blows fuses twice a week, heating that is either tropical or arctic, if the windows open they don't close, if they close, they don't lock (or unlock) and underdoor gaps that were letting mice in (honestly, I'm surprised the cats didn't follow!), and a rambling garden that sleeping beauty would be proud of. I've fixed what can be fixed with minimal outlay, and am decorating, finishing and sealing as I go. It's all very unfinished and full of gaps and holes. The woodwork, for example, is all unfinished pine. I've painted about half since I've been here.

Show quote history

I don't know. I suspect if you go online eg Rightmove, you could see what the going rate is in your postcode for similar properties. Renting is expensive, though and you often need to pay a large deposit.
I'm sorry to hear of your problems, and it's not easy with an autistic teenager, but it'll all be over by early June, if you can't move now. It's not good for anyone's wellbeing.
All the best.

Original poster
guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 13:48

SuziQuinto · 07/03/2026 07:23

This is what many of us have been saying, and what the OP won't address.

Show quote history

It's not the question I asked or the spirit of the thread. I'm looking for a bit of humorous relief in a tough time. I don't want to move an autistic child in her GCSE year. DD and I have talked and she rather stick it out.

I'm curious, though. In your opinion, How much rent would be fair in the circumstances?

The property is not up to rental standards and would not get electrical, plumbing or EPC certification. I estimate it would take around ten thousand pounds worth of certified work to be rentable.

It is worth mentioning it's in objectively terrible decorative taste. And has ongoing problems, like the toilet blocking once a fortnight, wiring that blows fuses twice a week, heating that is either tropical or arctic, if the windows open they don't close, if they close, they don't lock (or unlock) and underdoor gaps that were letting mice in (honestly, I'm surprised the cats didn't follow!), and a rambling garden that sleeping beauty would be proud of. I've fixed what can be fixed with minimal outlay, and am decorating, finishing and sealing as I go. It's all very unfinished and full of gaps and holes. The woodwork, for example, is all unfinished pine. I've painted about half since I've been here.

OP posts:
MrsCarson · 07/03/2026 11:28

After reading your updates, I'd bide my time and make arrangements for the week after Dd's final exam. Get a new place sorted, get the movers booked. Do not buy her house, she won't stop she'll want access and she'll want you to be grateful forever over the deal she gave you on the house, even if you had paid full market value.
Start looking at places today and take control back.

Mumandcarer80 · 07/03/2026 11:14

Don’t buy the house off her she will always see it as her house and treat it like her own.

UltraHorse · 07/03/2026 11:12

Just say no what happens then do they barge in and tell them exactly how you feel you are entitled to your own feelings

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 07/03/2026 11:05

guestsareinvited · 07/03/2026 00:24

I am SO TEMPTED!!!! That and the little mosquito thingy. I mustn't - I am definitely a good person and I genuinely only intended this thread to be a bit of lighthearted tension relief.

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Hey, first of April is coming up... a harmless prank isn't such a bad idea.

Eufyon · 07/03/2026 11:02

RachelGreep87 · 07/03/2026 10:46

You're the guest in this situation.

So true!!