To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

Oh I love the idea of suggesting someone else has stayed in the bed!

Also keep itching and say you’re worried about bed bugs- you had a friend over and have heard they can jump off luggage

This was a really good thread till all the fun sponges joined in to judge you 🙄
(You could invite them all round on consecutive nights)

Smear a tiny amount of Marmite on the clean sheets, and leave a used tissue under the pillow just to hint that someone else has been sleeping there .. maybe a worn sock in the end of the bed. A few Parmesan shavings, and then mention your unfortunate friend who’s had terrible skin problems and came to stay recently.

Change the router name to ‘factory reset’ or ‘deleting all data’ just to scare her.

Ensure that the fridge is full of containers eg jam, spread etc but they’re all empty or have just a spoonful in (that drives me mad, anyway!) A bit of lipstick round the milk/orange juice as if someone’s been drinking out of it … take a bite out of the cheese and put it back. She probably goes into your/DD’s room when you’re out - some strategically placed mousetraps or the infamous Lego bricks?

Still think the clown idea is the best one!

Also if you have a really evangelical church close by you could fill out a request for literature in her name- they really won’t leave her alone…

Some of these are evil genius.

I was going to suggest developing a nervous tic like rhythmically clearing your throat every 5 mins. "Huh, hmmm"

Chuck some haddock skins behind the radiator.

😂😂😂 I see you've played this game before...

😮‍💨

Put milk in a spray bottle and spray it on his bed sheets and pillow. Just a fine mist, so it's not wet. He wont notice going to bed but will get rank as the night unfolds.

This. She can’t take you to court! Her rental isn’t legal

change the locks anyway, if she were a legal landlord she’d have to agree visits in advance and you don’t have to have her

the law says (and I’ve checked, double checked and triple checked with solicitors and shelter) you CAN change the locks to protect your right to quiet enjoyment

as long as you change them back when you leave.

blow this shit up.

tell her you’re leaving, that she has no right to visit unless you Agree. Text her this so it’s in writing and if she shows up, call the police.

then move, don’t tell her where to.

Cheapest loo roll you can find or that medicated Izal (sp?) stuff.

Change WIFI password and "forget" what you changed it too.

I would not entertain buying the house from her at all.

Even if you paid her above market price, she would forever find ways to make it seem like she’d done you a favour, that you owe her, she’ll use it against you and throw it in your face at every opportunity.

It won’t end well, please find a new home that is all your own (and don’t tell her your address).

Dip their toothbrush in liquid soap.

You need to redecorate her room with a nice retro vibe. Nylon sheets and bedspread, lovely thin curtains (the louder the pattern the better) and a big bell alarm clock or five accidentally left in an empty drawer.

Lock up and go away for a few days.

Laxatives.

Silicone their bedroom door when they goto bed

Now that's not nice...

😆😆

Really just stop paying the rent, why would you pay to be tortured are you insane? If you are paying rent you are a tenant. Just stop paying or change the locks. You dont need humour you need to get a spine. What a terrible example to your DD. She's rude to your partner she doesn't respect your privacy or you DD, She doesn't help or contribute what is wrong with you.

Find somewhere in your bathroom to hide a back up loo roll and remove the visible one regularly to blow your nose/whatever. DH does the latter and it drives me crazy hence I always have a secret roll stashed behind the sink…

ditto to running out of milk, bread etc. you can keep spares in different containers.

Aim for disorganised student house vibes. Any knitwear that could get shrunk…?

Oh and maybe sell loads of stuff on marketplace and endlessly have people knocking on the door

Tell her that your doctor is almost 80% sure that the mysterious ailment you've picked up, which is making your back teeth loose and blood come out of your nipples, isn't contagious.

For whatever reason I would not under any circumstances have someone stay I didn’t want, especially under those circumstances…ridiculous 😳

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I need more clarity. I’m intrigued as to who it is and why they can’t be stopped

OP you are getting a hard time here. I understand you wanted a humorous response to a frustrating situation. Good to know you at least can look forward to your own place by the end of the summer. I wish you well.

honestly OP buying this house is a bad move- your mother has shown you she still sees it as her house when you are renting it. She will turn up once you’ve bought and it, realistically will you shut the door on her face?

finding somewhere else is best, leave this house empty and she can pay the bills herself.