To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

Your mum is really not nice charging you rent. Considering the property would be empty and not rented otherwise.
She should be happy its heated and mantained.

Start coughing—a lot. Then, apologize profusely while leaning in way too close. 'I am so sorry, it’s just this annoying cough! I feel totally fine. Anyway, want to split this muffin?'

Or make out things are broken. Like the washing machine. Feign no clean underwear (actually new ones) so need to boil in the kettle.

I know this isn’t the nature of the post but I hope you are paying mates rates. If the property is not up to speck and no certification she couldn’t rent. Also the rent of a house is a completely different ballgame. Lodger would pay less rent than someone who has sole occupancy.

It sounds like she is doing this for some twisted reason. Perhaps control. She knows you don’t want her there. Perhaps it would change if you acted like really pleased she was there. You would have to think of a story. Perhaps you heard/read a sad story and it made you think live was short. That you should cherish time together. Make a big thing about time spent together. Think of activities you can do together. Perhaps a hobby that you know she will hate but act like you are passionate about it. Act like you are trying to make up for the time you didn’t appreciate her being there. Hopefully the visits will lose appeal.

replace toothpaste/ pile cream etc with Vicks Vapor rub.

A nice meaty kipper under the mattress, or some other piece of furniture! My father assured me that it is a sure fire way of deterring unwanted visitors.

I've really enjoyed this thread ...

We used to have one of those novelty clocks that did various bird sounds every hour, drove my visiting MIL nuts ... I thought I'd set it so it turned off during the night, apparently I was wrong.
Stayed at a friends who collected Marie Osmond dolls, displayed in glass cases, in their spare room. Hundreds of eyes watching me .... https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1709660375/vtg-marie-osmond-adorable-raggedy-anne?ls=r&external=1&rec_type=ss&ref=pla_similar_listing_top-1&content_source=0c1a2acf35f9efa5bb39891b8e591f53%253ALTadff07e47a27ca418d384f6654c564b943691261&logging_key=0c1a2acf35f9efa5bb39891b8e591f53%3ALTadff07e47a27ca418d384f6654c564b943691261

Genius, well done

Wifi off, heating off. Noisy DIY that really needs doing.

This sounds like my DM heaven pillow🤣

Pot actually shagging the kettle there.

What makes you think I wasn't interested?

If I wasn't, I wouldn't have replied 🤔

Sand in her vaseline. Or expensive facecream. Or a pot you leave out so she thinks its your and will nick it.

Prawn or two behind something close to the bed so its particularly strong when lying down.

Freeze hot dog juice as ice cubes.

Do you know it's not compulsory to read every post/ response on here? You can just scroll past if not of interest to you.

OP, this is probably costing you emotionally
Let it go

Sign them up for a subscription for Japanese scat porn.

😁

What are you on about 😀

This again! It'll stink out the whole house so why would she do that?

Sell the bed that they use to sleep in, put it on Facebook marketplace and once it’s gone remove the cushions off the sofa and store in your room at night. Then they will have to sleep on the floor.

make sure your out when they arrive and turn off the water at the mains in the street (rather than the stopcock under the sink) they will then think something has gone wrong with the plumbing as will have no water. Accuse them of breaking the boiler and associated repair costs! Then go out for the evening and leave them to it.

Alexa hidden in their room and then playing random sounds on it. All night. We actually had great fun with this one. It was worth setting the alarm every 40 minutes to do. Needs to be quiet but really weird irritating noises. Plugholes emptying, dripping tap, scissors cutting.

TBH at this point I'd just make a decision that she's not going to get to you or succeed in winding you up and stop wasting emotional energy on a situation you can't change. Just go serenely about your life. When she does something that irritates you, remind yourself that you feeling irritated is a win for her and a knock on your quality of life.

It sounds mad and impossible, but take my word for it, it's actually easier than you think, once you've had long enough to get familiar with the full repertoire of irritating behaviours. Zen-like serenity and indifference, regardless of her comings and goings and messing with your kitchen, your way of doing things. You can't control her, but you can choose your response. It's so much less effort and mental energy than anything else!

That's not what "begging the question" means, btw...

OP clearly said, yesterday, that this behaviour started once OP had committed to sell it and prior to that the mother didn't even live in the same country.

Not an obvious "incredible risk" based on actual behaviour although of course MNers who skim-read a few posts clearly feel they are in a better position to accurately assess this risk based on whatever they've imagined.

Hit up a friend to stay at the same time.
This friend will have ‘unexpectedly’ arrived 2 hours before them and you were forced to give the guest room away - the only spot left is the sofa in the living room, but you & guest #1 stay up until 2am+ watching tv.
Then you’re up & making noise by at least 5am.
This guest #1 has atrocious manners, mostly aimed at the guest you don’t want.
Interrupting, rude, boorish - I don’t have to tell you what atrocious manners are.
The food you make is either underdone chicken to steaks that look no different than shoe leather.
No tea in the house - sorry!
Lukewarm coffee you can see through.
No Cokes or any other soft drinks.
I know you can pull this off without looking obvious.
Good luck on your mission to ruin this unwelcome guest’s stay. ❤️

Switch to long-life milk. The really budget skimmed milk you have to open with scissors.... and spills everywhere every time you make a cup of tea!

Swap the butter for plain old sunflower margarine.

Also downgrade all the bread, jam, cheese to the cheapest supermarket 'essential' versions you can find.

Maybe really thin loo roll? Can you still get the Izal paper version?

I'd be out of there like a shot!