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Original poster

To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

410 replies

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 13:18

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

OP posts:
OldieButBaddie · 06/03/2026 15:30

Keep a "special" pillow for them which has been liberally dosed with fish sauce

Takersgonnatake · 06/03/2026 15:28

Cantyouseethishorselovesme · 06/03/2026 14:28

Hire a clown in full costume who never speaks. Have them sit in an armchair when visitor is in living room, and stand outside the bedroom at night. If the visitor comments to you, say "Clown? What clown?"

Made me snort this one! Brilliant 🤣

OneBreezyHelper · 06/03/2026 15:27

Thingything · 06/03/2026 14:07

Wind yer neck in! She's under no obligation to share private information with strangers on the internet. Same for you @daisychain01

Show quote history

no obligation,but you can't blame people for asking

WHO is the unwanted guest makes a big difference to the replies.
Not the same if it's a cheating ex, MIL from hell or a step-child invited by their actual parent

OneBreezyHelper · 06/03/2026 15:25

My guess would have been in-laws from hell who in fact own the property and invite themselves randomly

Teribus21 · 06/03/2026 15:23

Assuming you have some basic musical skills, offer free recorder lessons to the neighbourhood children and invite a group of them round just after unwanted guest arrives. Then as a reward, at the end of the session, give them lots of sugary snacks and encourage them to let off steam.

VickyEadieofThigh · 06/03/2026 15:22

BauhausOfEliott · 06/03/2026 13:39

I assume it’s her ex and they co-own the property.

Show quote history

OR MiL and DH invites her?

thestudio · 06/03/2026 15:20

NoahDia · 06/03/2026 13:24

Who owns or rents the house?

If it's you then they are your guest.

And this thread is ridiculous.

Sit down Frasier.

MamainWonderland · 06/03/2026 15:19

I hear that scabies is making an unpleasant comeback at the moment. It would be dreadful if you suspected that your strange new rash might be that.

Katiesaidthat · 06/03/2026 15:19

OneBreezyHelper · 06/03/2026 15:04

If they are MN, give them towels that have been washed without fabric conditioner, AND (shock horror) dried outside. For the sensitive MNtters, it's like sand paper apparently

It is, but I happen to like it. Takes off all the dead cells (and some of the live ones)...

Astra53 · 06/03/2026 15:18

7238SM · 06/03/2026 14:57

I'll lend you my MIL to visit also:

-She lets her dogs lick between her toes
-They also lick any bleeding scratch on her body
-She eats and talks with her mouth full, so bits of food comes spraying out all over the table
-She plays games on a tablet at the dining table- no head phones, and there is a constant 'yeah, ahh, err' when she wins!
-She uses 1 kitchen cloth a week. It dries plates, cleans the kitchen tops, cleans things off the floor, cleans the dogs faces and paws. Your 'guest' will contract a nasty illness in no time. 🤢

😱

Tonissister · 06/03/2026 15:17

Run out of loo roll, coffee, tea and bread. Have milk that is going sour (obviously keep fresh stashes of all these for yourself.)

Play very loud music when you want.
Nylon bedsheets, not washed between visits. Very low watt bulbs that take ages to light up in their room.

Have lots of friends over, especially ones with raucous laughs.

Katiesaidthat · 06/03/2026 15:16

Nofeckingway · 06/03/2026 13:32

Invite some garrulous old biddy to stay also . Tell her they are very interested in talking about her dead relatives and detailed facts of old journeys she used to take , particularly the B roads and names of villages .

Hahaha, this took me back in time. When I was a teen, my mum´s uncle (really a fried of grandad´s) would regale me with tales of trips he had taken with the merchant navy in the 40s and 50s. Which could have been interesting but for the "Let me think. It was on the 27th of June 1946, it was a Thursday, no, no, a Tuesday, definitely a Tuesday and..." I would lose the will to live.

Beardycapri · 06/03/2026 15:08

Eat kale and lentils.

Sudagame · 06/03/2026 15:06

If they like a soak in the bath take the plug out and hide it where only you know where it is. l might have done this to an overstayer who always soaked the bathroom every time l went out,,taken the plug out in my handbag

OneBreezyHelper · 06/03/2026 15:04

If they are MN, give them towels that have been washed without fabric conditioner, AND (shock horror) dried outside. For the sensitive MNtters, it's like sand paper apparently

pusspuss9 · 06/03/2026 15:02

guestsareinvited · 06/03/2026 13:18

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

why don't you just try to grow up and tell them? All these stupid childish little lies that regularly surface on here as revenge options, just show the immaturity of quite a lot of people.

7238SM · 06/03/2026 14:57

I'll lend you my MIL to visit also:

-She lets her dogs lick between her toes
-They also lick any bleeding scratch on her body
-She eats and talks with her mouth full, so bits of food comes spraying out all over the table
-She plays games on a tablet at the dining table- no head phones, and there is a constant 'yeah, ahh, err' when she wins!
-She uses 1 kitchen cloth a week. It dries plates, cleans the kitchen tops, cleans things off the floor, cleans the dogs faces and paws. Your 'guest' will contract a nasty illness in no time. 🤢

Mumandcarer80 · 06/03/2026 14:56

Make their bed as uncomfortable as possible. If there’s a mattress topper on it take it off. Hide all the tea and coffee make yourself unavailable as much as possible.

SuziQuinto · 06/03/2026 14:55

take the battery out of the smoke alarm
Dear lord, people are giving some proper crazy advice.....

BeanQuisine · 06/03/2026 14:55

Tell your "guest" that you hope they don't mind, but you've turned the house into a monastery. Place a small crowd of monks in each room.

MmeWorthington · 06/03/2026 14:53

Put 4 hideously scented diffusers and a cheap plug in in their room. Hidden behind the wardrobe

Take the battery out of a smoke alarm and put it way out of reach on top of a wardrobe bip...bip...bip...

Buy 9 camembert cheeses from Lidl, cut a slice from each and leave them in the fridge for every time they get milk for tea.

Have a friend come round dressed in overalls and carrying a tool bag, who will say (very loudly) when you answer the door "Hello - Mrs Guestsareinvited, Pest Control for your bed bug fumigation - is now a good time?" "of course, come in"
Go upstairs with them. Make spraying noises. Spray a bit of fly spray for authentic smell. Come back down. Fake Pest Controller says "I'll be back next week - don't expect any improvement until after the second treatment"

numberblocks54321 · 06/03/2026 14:51

Agree with what’s already been said, things like changing WiFi password… turning hot water off when they want a bath/shower and claim the boiler must be playing up…

SuziQuinto · 06/03/2026 14:51

Bonkers1966 · 06/03/2026 14:44

I would definitely go with the snoring idea. Put recording or speaker next to their wall. I would also pop out a lot and bring home lots of bags from expensive stores. I have noticed that, regardless of gender, this winds folks up something rotten. I would also have a couple of best dresses dry cleaned and ready to hang on any visible space, still in plastic bags. You could maybe buy something sexy in a charity shop. You don't have to wear it. It's all just casual dry cleaning. Can you do a bit of decluttering and drape a bikini or something over the back of a kitchen chair? Again, one of those things that upsets arse holes. Any update would 👍

I don't understand why carrier bags or dresses in plastic or bikinis would upset someone?

Francestein · 06/03/2026 14:49

Empty all the food and snacks out of the house on bin day. Don’t replace.

Start scratching and talking about scabies.

Temporarily become enamored with a cult. Talk of nothing else. Practice every trick in the book to convince them to join them up while you’re at it.

Air BNB the lounge room to noisy American tourists.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/03/2026 14:49

Itsonlymeee · 06/03/2026 13:26

Run all the taps while they’re in the shower so it goes cold.

And flush the toilet and put n the Washing Machine and Dishwasher for good measure .