To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

This is just silly.

Why on earth would you engage in childish pettiness rather than just refusing the visit?

Why would you stink out your own home?

Buy 9 camembert cheeses from Lidl, cut a slice from each and leave them in the fridge for every time they get milk for tea.

Wedge one of the cheese behind the bedroom radiator or better still a piece of fish approaching its sell by date. If there is a hollow curtain pole in the room stuff it with some old fish or prawns.

Install fluorescent tube lights in their bedroom, but use high powered tanning tubes instead.

It’s very difficult to comment without knowing the back story.

Come on @guestsareinvited , out with it!!

Black rice grains also look like mouse poo - definitley put some in their bedroom. Also if you have a cat, put something nice they like to eat in there so the cat is intent on going in there - this will bolster the mouse theory.
Stained sheets. Dirty plates. Too much salt in cooking (if you do any) or if they cook, add extra salt.
Don't get food in - they can shop, then eat theirs.
Any allergies??
Heating off.

This is a ridiculous post. Of course you can stop someone uninvited from staying at your home - unless of course you do not actually own the home and they do. In which case I suggest you move out.

I expect they had 'Sit down Frasier' written on the back of their hand for some time 😁

Take their keys and go and stay in their house

is this your ex husband?

just move out when he comes. Plan something lovely away from your kids and him

Spill milk on their bedroom carpet two days before they come :)

become a pet sitter, have all the pets to your place @ a very low rate ( to guarantee a large quantity?!), keep them in ‘guests’ room.

Have a very secure hiding place for butter & anything ‘guest’ enjoys eating or drinking.

Block the drive, or parking on road, with loads of new vehicles.

Any decent reptile shop will have them in stock. I several in my freezer at the moment (snake food)

isn't that literally what you are doing right there 😂

Yes I'm quite sure that OP's situation is one that would be resolved with a kind word telling them they are unwelcome, and that they haven't tried that yet.

Back to the subject of pettiness: Use a netti pot in front of them.

Replace any light bulbs in the room with .3w bulbs. Remove the batteries from the remote if there is a TV - and no you don't have any spares. Spray a couple of towels with water until they are damp, leave them in the bathroom and remove all dry ones before they use the bathroom - also toilet roll. Remove all nice ones and replace with that horrid shiny stuff they used to use in schools or in the absence of that, the cheapest you can find. But don't leave too many sheets on the roll. Find a really hideous air freshener, maybe those awful gel type ones? And hide in bedroom. Get a small travel clock that's easily hidden, set the alarm for 4am and also hide in bedroom.

Buy a selection of identical-looking lightbulbs of significantly different power levels. Randomly change the one in their room every time they're out.

Turn the stopcock partly off. Very slightly at first, then a little more each day. If possible, make the daily adjustment while they're in the shower.

If they like taking baths and you have a plastic plug, file a tiny bit off the side so it leaks slowly.

Adjust their shoelaces so one side is shorter than the other.

Cook fish all day, every day. Don’t open windows.

Oooh a little quip 🤭

How long have you been practising that and dying to use it?

Make them a brew but subtly not how they like it. make it in the most irritating much you have for drinking out of.

Have a spicy curry and sleep in their bed with the windows closed the night before they come ;)

Sprinkle tiny amounts of black salt in their bedding, shoes, clothing... (it smells like boiled eggs).

Decorate the place garishly in a way you know they will hate.

There are lots of uncomfortable things for sale in pet food stores. Be a shame if you had some in the kitchen for your neighbour's dog/gekko/tarantula/snake... Pizzle (dried bull penis) doesn't look like what it it but it smells awful. Be a shame if you stored that in their room.

Don’t make a bed up for them.
Padlock the fridge - they may have a right to be in the house but they don’t have a right to your food
Do not cook for them

When I split with my ex husband he used to come round willy nilly just because he could so every time he was here I put my earphones in and just pottered about the house listening to and singing along to my favourite music he hated that because I couldn’t hear him and I was acting far too happy and upbeat for his liking haha, just to add I can’t fucking sing at all and I’m sure I sounded awful but I enjoyed myself

@guestsareinvited

I'm assuming you want somewhat 'non-obvious' things:

Disconnect the washing machine and say it's broken so they can't do laundry and have to go to a laundrette, just be sure you get all your laundry done before they arrive (hopefully you'll have enough clean stuff to last).

Get sweaty and roll around on the sheets on the bed they'll use. Or put the nastiest, stained sheets you have. And a thin blanket. Hide the good sheets

Find a way to make the windows 'stick' in the room they'll be in so they either won't open or close all the way .

Don't buy any 'nice' food. Serve canned and microwave things only or cheap meals repeated over and over.

No crisps or biscuits, either. Hide the good things in your room. Eating them 'on the sneak' is revenge in and of itself. Say you're cutting out junk and won't have it in the house.

Same for drink. Non-fat milk. NO alcohol in the house. The cheapest bargain tea/coffee you can find. You can hide the good tea/coffee in your room for personal use. Same for the booze.

Affect a sore throat and cough in their face. Repeatedly. Bonus points for (as we say here) 'hawking a loogie' as loud as you can. Double bonus points if it's 'productive' and you say "OMG, look at this!' and show them.

Put the TV volume up loud or down soft, whichever would be annoying.

I have more. But that will get you off to a good start.

PS. Hide the extra loo rolls. Make them shout for it and take your time.

Who is it op. This is important. As your behaviour could impact the relationship and what you may need from that person, is it an ex for example, do they co own the property, do you co parent with them,

Some of these are hilarious 🤣

Id definitely say the tv was broken and poss remove the fuse

Likewise I love the itching powder thing

maybe say you looked after friends cat recently and can’t stop itching mention u think fleas are a possibility