To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

Invite Battling Bertha here…you’re never be troubled again!

This
Why? Do tell?

Invite some garrulous old biddy to stay also . Tell her they are very interested in talking about her dead relatives and detailed facts of old journeys she used to take , particularly the B roads and names of villages .

Why do these types of threads always yank the misogynist troglodytes out of their subterranean slumber and deposit them here?

OP, if this person is indeed doing this specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can (a backhand compliment, I suppose) the best reaction is absolutely no discernible reaction. Don't interact with them any more than you absolutely have to, maintain a facade of complete disinterest and indifference, or if possible be absent with no explanation.

Aw, that does take the fun out of this.

In case it's genuine, offer to host early doors playdates/nieces and nephews.

I wonder which article the researcher OP wants this info for?

There must be a DIY project you can start that will create a LOT of dust? Got floors that need sanding?

Cut the grass / find something to do with power tools at 8am every weekend morning. [sadly not earlier or you'll fall out with your neighbours too - take them some choc biscuits in advance to say sorry but you need to war a bit of a campaign here]. Suggest they do likewise.....you won't mind 😂

Shit in the kettle

Perhaps you should act like a grown up and not try and bully someone.

Maybe you should move out if this person is allowed in your home even though you don’t want her there.

Get a clock that makes a different sound every hour (like those annoying birdsong ones), slightly offset the time to 6 minutes past the hour, hide it under the bed directly on the side they sleep on.

take up early morning house clearing/ practicing for your audition to 'stomp'

Borrow a neighbours smelly cat and let it sleep in the bedroom.

smoked fish is good for you - cook it every day in the run up to their visit in the bedroom they'll be sleeping in, seal the window shut.

Ensure no plugs in the bedroom are functional and the lightbulb non existent.

buy tracing paper loo roll, leave only that in the bathroom. Keep the nice stuff hidden away.

Make a list of jobs/errands for them to do while they visit.

Invite a group of people around [you'll need some friends in on it] to have a book club/seance/feminist meeting/play dungeons and dragons/knitting club - whatever monopolises the living space for hours on end .

Love this thread, the neti pot lol!

Learn a new musical instrument. The bonus is you will enjoy it.

I'm learning one at the moment and my dh and children are enduring it very politely but they have no alternative place to live haha, your guest does

Edit to add - make sure you practise your scales

Block the WiFi

Borrow that really bald hostile cat from Friends.

Remove cables to everything except Alexa. Hide the Alexa and ask her to play horror sounds at various times, set random irritating songs like Bird is the Word to come on, switch on burglar deterrent at 4am. They’ll hear random hoover sounds, plates clanging etc. maybe do some cat and fart noises too.

Never make the bed, and leave your oldest, most bobbly bedding for them to do it themselves. Ditto for towels,

Cook the food they hate for dinner, and that comes with the added bonus of them probably also hating the smell.
Swap out things that they love whilst you are ambivalent about. Full fat milk for semi
skimmed, pork bacon for turkey bacon, brown bread for white, X Brand shampoo or Y Brand you catch my drift.
If the room they use is above or beside any noisy household appliance, use said appliance at ‘quiet times’, pit on a long wash at midnight, grind coffee beans at 6:30 am whilst emptying dishwasher.
Forget tidy and housekeeping whilst they are there. Put something down…leave it there, don’t put it away.

Get a spray bottle and put something they don’t like in there, then, spray the radiator and so, every time the heating comes on They will hate the smell.

Clown one wins the thread 🤡

I was going to say burn some microwave popcorn just before they arrive. Then I remembered I have no sense of smell, so maybe not.

Have a friend knock on your door at 10:30 pm AND OPEN THE DOOR!

That should send anyone running away screaming.

Have something that plays an annoying sound at random times of the day just something low and humming or an animal scratching to get out and when they ask about it swear blind you can’t hear it. Have them explain it in detail then when it isn’t humming and they are in full flow of the conversation ask if they can hear it as you think you can hear something

Invite someone who snores really loud to stay as well?

Definitely change the WiFi password and put parental controls on all your streaming platforms like Netflix etc.

Change your locks and don’t give them a key.

Lock up all your towels and toiletries.
Strip the spare bed(s).
Leave no toilet paper in their bathroom.

Why would you ruin your own carpet?
I'm puzzled by the pranks that will impact the OP as much, if not more, than their guest.

Brilliant subtle yet really stinky

I'm here for the petty pettiness - sometimes petty is brilliant

Well, obviously I'm guessing ... it could be MUCH more unusual. And OUTING !!!!!!