To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

I think you can buy live cockroaches on Amazon.

A few in the bed GROSS ME THE HELL OUT and my feet wouldn’t hit the ground until I was scrubbing myself with a wire brush in a shower in a hotel 10 miles away.

I can’t think of anything worse - or that would chase somebody out of a house quicker - than icky cockroaches.

Just the thought makes me shudder.

I suppose some of it comes down to what your Mum would do if you did move out to an alternative rental. If she would just leave the place to rot you would have no leverage, but if she needs the rental income/equity she would have to get it assessed and upgraded to legally rent it, or she would get sensible valuations to sell it.
Although to be honest, why you are still so involved with a Mum who treats you like this I don't know.
Unless you have siblings (might have missed that) I don't know why she can't just sell you the place for a sensible amount and be done with it, both for you and your daughters sake.......q

FFS, get out of that house and rent a flat.

You are waiting for your mother to admit she's enjoying playing games and to give you permission to stop being her victim?

Leave!!!

You do not need permission.
You do not need petty pranks.

You just need to pull up your big girl panties and let your mother return next time to a house that is locked, cleared of your furniture and all food, clean as a whistle (take photos), and no way for her to find out where you have moved to.

Perhaps consider renovating the room she stays in to make it lovely for her as she visits so frequently?

You’ll want to do a proper job on it, making sure you remove the curtains, cover the furniture etc with plastic you tape down, remove light fittings etc ready for painting.

Of course prepping is key, so don’t skip all the sanding/surfacing…I know it takes time and creates dust but it’s worth it.

All in I think this could take you 2 months when you’re working as well as supporting your DD with exams, but it will be worth it for her comfort as well as improving the property for her to rent/sell…..does she know how fashionable neon green paint is these days?

I like to kill people with kindness especially those who really don’t expect or deserve it. I love nothing more than proving others wrong it’s very satisfying watching the disappointment of others who thought they were getting one over on me and me not playing their game. Give them enough rope and they will do the rest.

You need to listen to Cabin Pressure, a radio comedy series with the incredible Stephanie Cole playing a woman who runs a charter airline. Then you will learn why she calls her firm "MJN Air". Bonus.....Bendyback Cabbagewank....sorry I mean Benedict Cumberbatch is really good in it too.

I suggest you call the house "MHN Cottage"!

🍋

Ohhhhhhhhhh boy.. oh I don't think I'd be able to resist, change it to something rude, but in another language she doesn't speak.

I don't think you do have to tell everyone if its only a short period and your actual name remains the name you are 'known by' to basically everyone (except her). The flaw in the plan might be dealing with conveyancing solicitors and payments coming from a bank in your original name to buy a property for your new name though...

Yes you can appoint someone (typically a solicitor) to act on your behalf and buy a house. It's not wildly uncommon when houses are purchased by auction, a bit less common for private sales, but it isn't soooo unusual you'd have trouble arranging it.

Of course the shit would hit the fan when the deal is done and she expects you to leave and someone new to move in and that doesn't happen but... welll.. depends on just how much you want to piss her off really! Theres nothing she could legally do about it, its completely above board!

Oh, this? Anonymously buy it, @guestsareinvited ? Is this possible?

😂

If you go ahead snd try and buy from her OP, be prepared for months and possibly years of her messing solicitirs about, changing her mind on things etc rgc. Surely you know that even the most straight forward house sales can take six months to complete. Sounds like she would pull out at the last minute just to spite you, and you'd have wasted thousands on solicitors by that point. Surely another house which has absolutely nothing to do with her is a far more appealing option?!

Seriously they do not have to stay tell them to fuck off.

laxative in their coffee.

Is the house actually on the market, could you find a proxy buyer?

I fear that even if she did suddenly decide on a reasonable price, she'd still find ways to be an absolute nightmare seller.

🤣

For what it's worth, I wouldn't pay her any rent for the weeks she is staying with you.

I will send you my daughter who will talk incessantly about K Pop and play K Pop until your mum needs to leave.
However this may mean you

1. go insane
2. become a K Pop fan

Go and stay with a friend or relative

Absolutely love pettiness

I can't believe any adults would invite themselves in this way. Change the locks, switch off everything and go away for a week. They can afford a hotel so let them find one. If you can't afford it, suggest you just house swap or ask a neighbour to take you in.

am not going to put itching powder on the loo roll or dead mice in her bed. But it’s making us laugh instead of gritting my teeth

Woiuld this really make you laugh? I genuinely can't see anything even vaguely funny,