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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Older mums

54 replies

Suburbiton63 · 06/03/2026 10:17

From what age would you start classifying someone as an older mum? I know it's historically from 35 but I think that's very average now.
I'd say anything is 30s is unremarkable.
40-42 for FTM older but not majorly.
43+ older mum

OP posts:
Peachii · 06/03/2026 12:12

I think 36 and over is an older mum (if first baby), but honestly, who cares?

Is this a factor in you deciding to have a third? If being seen as older was that important, wouldn’t you have started earlier anyway?

There’s not really any perspective we can offer besides throwing out random numbers.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2026 12:11

90sTrifle · 06/03/2026 12:05

I think you have to think of the child rather than what you want at 40+.

Having parents in their 60s when you’re just becoming an adult isn’t ideal if their health isn’t great and ill health can happen suddenly to anyone.

Having older parents can mean a less active life for young children.

Having older parents can unfortunately embarrass children.

There’s many things to consider when opting to have children post 40.

Edited
Show quote history

This is a ridiculous way to look at it.

A loving parent in their 60s with a bit of financial security is far better than a middle aged mum who has flatlined since having kids as a skint and overwrought 20 something with no prospects, no support and no life experience.

Its not a foregone conclusion that people will be ill in their 60s.

And as for being “embarrassed” by older parents, words fail me. So pandering to other people’s ageism in the school playground is your biggest concern?

90sTrifle · 06/03/2026 12:05

Besafeeatcake · 06/03/2026 11:27

Who gives a toss. Do what you like.

I hate to break it to you as well but if you are basing judgement on how others will perceive you in terms of age - how you look would be more important. Don't tell anyone your age.

Completely ridiculous to be concerned about what others think. If you are fit and healthy and want another and can afford to have another than do it.

I think you have to think of the child rather than what you want at 40+.

Having parents in their 60s when you’re just becoming an adult isn’t ideal if their health isn’t great and ill health can happen suddenly to anyone.

Having older parents can mean a less active life for young children.

Having older parents can unfortunately embarrass children.

There’s many things to consider when opting to have children post 40.

Sarah2891 · 06/03/2026 12:04

40 plus.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2026 11:59

I don’t know and don’t really care but it seems to be a routine dog whistle for some people who disapprove of women having careers before they have kids and then lecturing the rest of us about biology. As if we didn’t know this.

Why do you ask other than to be goady?

LoserWinner · 06/03/2026 11:58

Well, I’m well into my seventh decade, and I’m a mum…my youngest child is 34. You don’t stop being a mum, ever.

90sTrifle · 06/03/2026 11:57

Suburbiton63 · 06/03/2026 10:17

From what age would you start classifying someone as an older mum? I know it's historically from 35 but I think that's very average now.
I'd say anything is 30s is unremarkable.
40-42 for FTM older but not majorly.
43+ older mum

40

mondaytosunday · 06/03/2026 11:54

I guess 40 plus. I had both mine in my 40s, but it was not remarked upon. Other than doing a nuchal scan and offering me more tests if I wanted the medical team never referred to me as ‘older’ certainly not the outdated ‘geriatric’. Not even the now acceptable Advanced Maternal Age (though that may well be in my notes). While I was definitely one of the older mums at my kids first school, there were far more my age in our second school.

mindutopia · 06/03/2026 11:51

I had my youngest at 37 and don’t feel like an older mum.

Jellybunny56 · 06/03/2026 11:30

I suppose what you consider “older” depends on what/who you know. I’m not bothered when others choose to have their children but based on where we are (and I have 2 young children so spend lots of time around the other parents) I’d say most are 22-33 ish. I do think sort of 35+ would be “older” at least here.

ScarlettSarah · 06/03/2026 11:30

I had dc3 at 37 and felt 'old', but only because my older kids were around a decade older! I am the same age as plenty of other mums including first time mums.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 06/03/2026 11:29

I suffered a lot as a child having an older mum- 44 when I was born. I was so aware of her being 'old' and suffered huge anxiety about her dying. Of course this is many years ago so may be different now there are more older mums.

Besafeeatcake · 06/03/2026 11:27

Who gives a toss. Do what you like.

I hate to break it to you as well but if you are basing judgement on how others will perceive you in terms of age - how you look would be more important. Don't tell anyone your age.

Completely ridiculous to be concerned about what others think. If you are fit and healthy and want another and can afford to have another than do it.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 06/03/2026 11:26

I would say over 35 is older than average for a first child. I believe the average age is increasing, along with lower birth rates overall.

Our ageing demographic is really problematic but the COL/Low Pay crisis isn’t helping young people who might have chosen to have children or have them younger.

Everlil · 06/03/2026 11:23

104

Jk987 · 06/03/2026 11:23

I don’t spend time classifying! I get to know them as individuals not ages.

Easterbunnygettingawrapping · 06/03/2026 11:20

I had my last 2 dc at 37 and 43...
No real difference in pregnancies tbh.
Ds is now 11 and an absolute joy. Adored by his siblings.. No regrets having him at 43.2...

Lobelia123 · 06/03/2026 11:18

It doesnt matter whats becoming normal or more common... the definition of older mum is usually in a medical context and biology doesnt change.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 06/03/2026 11:03

Suburbiton63 · 06/03/2026 10:43

I'm just looking for other people's perspective as would like to go for a third. I totally realize it's completely down to me and my decision!

So what difference does it make? Would you reconsider having a 3rd if randoms on here think you’d be ‘old’?

Original poster
Suburbiton63 · 06/03/2026 10:43

I'm just looking for other people's perspective as would like to go for a third. I totally realize it's completely down to me and my decision!

OP posts:
Hedeghogsandguineapigs · 06/03/2026 10:36

dhinwiz · 06/03/2026 10:30

I would go for a medical point of view 35+. Biology doesn't change with fashion. Had mine 41

Edited

You say that, but 30+ used to be classed as a geriatric pregnancy, and then they changed it to 35?

dhinwiz · 06/03/2026 10:30

I would go for a medical point of view 35+. Biology doesn't change with fashion. Had mine 41

DestinedToBeOutlived · 06/03/2026 10:25

What are you hoping for from the answers op?

What reason would you need to categorise people into an 'older' mum section, unless you were involved in their medical care?

defoneedanamechange · 06/03/2026 10:23

38+ for first time , 40+ for second/ subsequent