Older mums

@90sTrifle

I wasn’t being vicious or ageist, I am simply seeing it from a child’s point of view. Many children do get embarrassed when their school friends accidentally say, your nan’s here to collect you, or is that your grandad?. It’s embarrassing for them that’s all.

But that could just as easily apply the other way around. In my social circle it was fairly unusual for people to have children under the age of 30. If a very young mum had come to the school gates to pick their kid up at my daughter's primary school some people could have thought she was an older sister. So what? Why should your entire approach to fertility be shaped by other narrow-minded people's views? Anyway we're talking about people in their 40s, not 60s.

Also, I know a couple whereby they have two teenagers and the mum has been pushing the dad around in a wheelchair since having a serious stroke at the age of 60. These teenagers have for obvious reasons had their childhood restricted in what the family are capable of doing together. It also hasn’t been nice for them to watch their parents suffering for the past decade.

But people can become seriously ill at any age. I've had friends sadly die in their 20s and 30s.

My point is, as an older parent, there’s a lot to consider on behalf of an unborn child before taking the plunge to have that child. It’s just selfish otherwise

Of course but again you can turn that argument on its head and say it's selfish to have children before you've established yourself and have a career and a source of income because they are much more likely to have less money and therefore fewer opportunities.

Both positions are ignorant and don't tell the whole truth.

And anyway, people don't always have control over their fertility. So factoring in the opinions of small-minded stickybeaks about when you had children should be very far down the list of priorities for parents.

I’d say from 35ish. I had mine at 27 and my friends had theirs almost a decade later and beyond and I think that they’re much more stressed and tired with toddlers / primary age dc than I was at the same stage and they’re dealing with peri symptoms and aging parents.

I wasn’t being vicious or ageist, I am simply seeing it from a child’s point of view. Many children do get embarrassed when their school friends accidentally say, your nan’s here to collect you, or is that your grandad?. It’s embarrassing for them that’s all.

Also, I know a couple whereby they have two teenagers and the mum has been pushing the dad around in a wheelchair since having a serious stroke at the age of 60. These teenagers have for obvious reasons had their childhood restricted in what the family are capable of doing together. It also hasn’t been nice for them to watch their parents suffering for the past decade.

My point is, as an older parent, there’s a lot to consider on behalf of an unborn child before taking the plunge to have that child. It’s just selfish otherwise.

So was my mum. Had me at 29 too, in 1974. Had mine at 43. The forms just stated my age, no other comments. Have read them.

35+

35+. That's considered advanced maternal age.

42 is deff a bit older for a first baby. It doesn’t mean thats an awful thing but 42 is leaving it on the later side

I had my last at 38 and feel it was a bit old, there are a couple of similar aged mums in her class but most are younger.

I'd say from age 35

But you’re the only one who needs to decide if you want a third child, you and your partner. It makes not the slightest difference if randoms on the internet think you’re a shrivelled crone at 40!

I’ve never really thought in terms of ‘older mothers’. I guess having a first baby at 37/38-ish and older I might have a passing thought of ‘they left it a bit later to have children’?

I was 28 when I had my 1st baby in 1983, I had elderly primigravida written in red on the front of my notes!

I had my daughter when I was almost 46, I definitely consider myself an older mum.

I'm not sure I considered myself an older mum when I had my son at 42 though. I was old but not THAT old 😬

You’re probably classed as an older mum if you’re having your first kid at 40. There is said it… I don’t really care when people have their children though and I don’t really understand the age argument. I know there is more risks but you can’t say 38 is fine but 40 isn’t.

Let people do what they want, and unfortunately not everyone has a choice.

To answer OP, it’s not unusual to have your third kid in your late 30’s or early 40’s.

Ok

?

I dont have kids my choice, and im pleased i dont have them.

Why does everything need a label these days? If you want a baby OP, have one.

You’ve completely missed the point.

Any kind if stereotypes about mothers based on their age or financial circumstances are toxic.

But this poster had the gall to say older mothers are an embarrassment to their children. And you are accusing me of being vicious?

You cannot complain about another comment whilst sniping more viciously yourself. Your comment was more offensive (or if you like, equally as bad).

HTH.

Poisonous stereotypes about older parents are fair game but young mothers are sacred and untouchable? OK then.

The whole point is that you can’t generalise about someone’s suitability as a parent based either on their age or their income.

HTH

Sadly I’ve known people to die at all ages and as parents of young children, teens, young adults and older adults. No one knows what the future holds for their health or longevity, you can’t make decisions based on that.

but what difference does it make, really, if your mum had you at 38 or at 42?

"Having parents in their 60s when you’re just becoming an adult isn’t ideal if their health isn’t great and ill health can happen suddenly to anyone." exactly, so age is completely irrelevant.
And 60 is not 90 😂

Who you are, how active and fit you are, how financially free you are, that's what matters. Age is rather irrelevant if it's between being in your 30s or early 40s.

My mother was classed as an “elderly primagravida” at 29! This was back in the 1970s though.

You can’t be upset at pp’s comment and stereotype young parents as skint and flatlined, with no prospects and life experience. That’s more offensive than the initial comment you’re replying to.