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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that hen do's are getting out of control?

63 replies

UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:11

Sister in Law has had two hens, a UK and an abroad one that is in July. She is nice enough but very demanding. There seems to be a literally never ending demand for more money in the chat...when did weddings become about this? Im about £450 down and it's not really easy to say no to these costs when people are seemingly endlessly able to pay a random £74 when asked the day before payday. SIL isn't in the fhag but she is controlling it from behind the scenes and knows what it going on in it really. I saw another request for £60 this morning has come through- that's my food budget for the week. I don't think I'll say yes to a hen do again after this but I'm wondering when this became the norm? It wasn't normal for me, I arranged a meal with close loved ones to avoid financial strain and it was lovely. If I'm honest it's made me see SIL differently as she is happy to ask this of her friends and family. Aibu?

Yabu - it's normal
Yanbu- its not normal

OP posts:
FloralAmber · 06/03/2026 10:24

UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:22

Not that easy but I get why it sounds like it should be when you're reading this.

Show quote history

It’s really easy to say no. I would’ve gone to the UK Hen and said no to spending ££££ on the bride.

Nofeckingway · 06/03/2026 10:23

Ugh . It's one thing paying for meals, drinks,etc. but shite like slippers and tracksuits ? Fuck off with that Instagram crap . It's pathetic and not very classy really . If you must do it , yuck , you can do it without a fortune. Matching PJs from Primark that at least you can wear again and banners, etc. from Poundland type places .

InterestQ · 06/03/2026 10:23

I automatically decline hen weekends now. A night, yes - fine. They’re a good way to meet other people at the wedding but not weekends away.

I don’t do my own weekends away and the wedding itself is usually expensive with travel, accommodation, wedding present, a new dress if I can’t manage with what I’ve already got.

You could message the person arranging it and say you’re not able to contribute lots more so if there will be many more costs like the £74 and £60 you’ll need to withdraw as you only budgeted x and y, not the whole alphabet.

Original poster
UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:22

FloralAmber · 06/03/2026 10:22

Why did you say yes to both Hens? You could’ve said no to the abroad one. Stop spending money on your SIL.

Not that easy but I get why it sounds like it should be when you're reading this.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:22

WhatAPavalova · 06/03/2026 10:16

Yes that’s insane but has been like this for some for long time.

I went out for a meal locally in the week before my wedding. I can recommend! No complaints or stress.

Love this, hope you had a lovely time. Just realised once I've paid all my spending money I'll probably have spent about £700 on this weekend :(

OP posts:
FloralAmber · 06/03/2026 10:22

Why did you say yes to both Hens? You could’ve said no to the abroad one. Stop spending money on your SIL.

Original poster
UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:21

purplecorkheart · 06/03/2026 10:19

Thankfully, the last Hen I was at the Bride arranged herself. She booked out a section in a bar and served finger food and some drinks. She also arrange that everyone had a way to get home. By far the best Hen I was at. Her wedding was also low key and was wonderful.

I love this. I do think the bride should get to do what they like but the cost and expense is ridiculous to put on your loved ones. There's a silent pressure to all pay the costs and it's miserable.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 06/03/2026 10:19

Thankfully, the last Hen I was at the Bride arranged herself. She booked out a section in a bar and served finger food and some drinks. She also arrange that everyone had a way to get home. By far the best Hen I was at. Her wedding was also low key and was wonderful.

itsthetea · 06/03/2026 10:19

Learn to say no
i dont think is either normal or abnormal - many people don’t make a fuss but many do - probably 50-50

Original poster
UnhappyHenny · 06/03/2026 10:18

HannahMarin · 06/03/2026 10:14

Unfortunately hen-do's like this are the norm now. Just because you think it's over the top, doesn't mean someone else does.

You don't have to go though or contribute anything you can't afford, that's completely your choice.

I completely get you, I'd agree if I'd read my post but it's not so easy with someone like SIL- every family meet up and discussion is all about her so it makes it difficult. I also didn't anticipate so many requests for so much money for trivial things like matching slippers, paying for the bride to have a certain tracksuit etc.

OP posts:
ExpressCheckout · 06/03/2026 10:16

Each to their own, I suppose. But I do find it odd that people whinge about the cost of living but can still afford overseas flights, expensive weddings etc. What's wrong with drinks/food locally or even at home? Less cost and stress for all!

WhatAPavalova · 06/03/2026 10:16

Yes that’s insane but has been like this for some for long time.

I went out for a meal locally in the week before my wedding. I can recommend! No complaints or stress.

HannahMarin · 06/03/2026 10:14

Unfortunately hen-do's like this are the norm now. Just because you think it's over the top, doesn't mean someone else does.

You don't have to go though or contribute anything you can't afford, that's completely your choice.