To think that hen do's are getting out of control?

My friends are spread all over, so I originally was not going to have a hen do because of that. My friends are the ones who encouraged me to do so. Not everyone hates being asked to spend money to celebrate their friends, a lot of people enjoy it.

Some people make a big fuss of hen dos others don't. I'm not sure why you'd think less of a person who does? You get invited to a thing and either accept it or refuse it, surely? The wise woman gets an idea of the costs before making their decision, then if they start to spiral, you point out you'd not budgeted for the Burlesque themed chocolate paint ball tasting cruise on the Mersey (with proseco), so will sit that one out.

All this talk about getting together with your friends . They will be at the wedding !!❤️

I’d never agree to abroad. We have agreed to dsds wish to go to a spa, but it will be just one night, within an hour or so drive and zero silly matching clothes, banners or other paraphernalia. Seems to be mostly female relatives who are not standing for any silliness thankfully.

Me too! I'm thrilled to have dodged this particular bullet 😂

Going against the grain here but I think the best hens I’ve been on are the abroad ones and generally I’ve not spent that much more on them than a UK hen house type scenario. Beach clubs and boat days preferable to making flower crowns and not going out for me but might get flamed for that. I feel like the UK ones always tend to be heavier on the activities to try and perk it up/keep people entertained whereas abroad if you have a pool you’re sorted in the day. As long as no one feels forced to attend and everyone is up for it I don’t see the harm. They’ve kind of replaced girls holidays in my groups and I’ve come back having had a really good time. So has DH with his man friends, lots of moaning about hen dos being OTT/expensive but the stags are just the same over here (if not worse).

Ive also been the organiser for a few hens ranging from a full three days abroad, a UK weekend and a local day/night out and it is SO hard to please everyone. The stress is horrendous 🤣

Well it isn’t just hen dos, stags can be expensive too!

I live in London and did a day/night out in London for mine, and then a group of us chose to visit another friend in Spain for a long weekend as an unofficial hen do but that was a group of mates. I personally don’t want to spend money on a weekend away with people I don’t know/like.

I decline if I can’t go or don’t fancy it. Same with 40th birthday trips. I’ve been to Ibiza twice for hens/40th birthdays but I like going to Ibiza and go on holiday there myself. I pretty much automatically decline houses in the arse end of nowhere where I have to share a bed with someone I don’t know and people think it’s hilarious to get a butler in the buff. Give me yoga on the beach in Ibiza any day!

Hen night is quite traditional celebration and if you have friends all
over the country as is common these days it’s nice to meet them sometimes anyway which will always be a cost
so not having a cheap hen do seems a bit of an over reaction - and losing touch with friends because you won’t travel is sad

a get together of old friends is far better way of spending money than getting a new outfit or your har done or buying coffees every week - it’s far better for mental health than just about anything else

save one coffee a week and have 250 to spend on a meet up which just about covers a cheap weekend if you all agree to avoid the meals out and activities

being aware of other peoples situation and avoiding the none essential stuff IF necessary but still meet up FFS

Why not just not have a hen do in the first place and save people money?

The fact that your friends and family live all over the place meant that some of them would've not only had to stump up the money to travel to a neutral location for your hen do, but they would then also have had to find the money for overnight accommodation for your actual wedding.

I’m torn on this.
i absolutely hate traditional hen dos with inflatable dicks and a pub craw or daft games etc..so I’d much rather pay for a luxury house hire for the weekend or spa etc however some costs get insane. I tend to go if i like what’s on offer and decline if its not where I’d spend my money

MN rule 76b.
No is a complete sentence.

It’s absolutely ridiculous. I had a meal with 20 friends locally and some games after. Was great fun and no one was paying a fortune.

I don’t like hen dos and only went to my sisters and a friend I was bridesmaid for. Declined all other invited as I just couldn’t be bothered

If people said no more then people's expectations would change, there are some brides who don't care who they marry they just want the trimmings people know this yet do nothing but go along with it

Say no

YANBU in thinking it's ridiculous because it is, but it is quite normal/common these days

This.

It's so they can post on social media, 'look at me'. I imagine only similar types are actually impressed though, whereas others eye roll 🙄

This. Who has time to keep going away for hen do’s? I really don’t get it. Also you often don’t even know many people. My idea of a nightmare.

But don’t you think that’s a bit unfair for those who want to celebrate with their friends but can’t afford to? Personally I think expensive celebrations (of any kind) are quite self-involved and selfish, particularly given that there’s a cost of living crisis on.

But if people live all over not every airport would fly to the same place and the cost would be more and less for different people

If it was that complicated for people I knew I wouldn't do it to them

I’ve seen 2 people on social media this week saying their Dubai hen do’s have been cancelled due to what’s going on. DUBAI. It’s not only the funds but it’s the taking annual leave etc also!

I wonder if we can insert a clause that we get our money back if the marriage ends!

This was my situation. Out of 15 invitees, 3 were in my town, 6 still lived in our university town 4 hours from me, sister lived 3 hours away and 2 more about an hour. No way my little flat could've hosted all of us staying overnight so paying for accommodation of some sort was guaranteed for some people. I could've just said 'ok night out in my current town' and pretended not to know that 9 people would still require staying overnight?! Instead I picked a location I knew nothing about but that was about central to everyone to travel to. Nobody had any problem with it. I was extremely conscious of budget though via my sister who organised it, accomodation was chosen to be affordable, paid activities kept minimal and we definitely did not get embroidered tracksuits or other personalised single use tat.

@UnhappyHenny I think it's fair enough to message and say look the costs are mounting up and I had only budgeted x amount- it does seem like a fair bit is being spent on extras such as personalised clothing, I'm sure that's all lovely but could we possibly rein in these things a bit? I'd hate to have to withdraw altogether because I just can't afford these extra costs above and beyond accomodation, activities and catering.

I sit on the fence with abroad hen do / stag do’s

On one hand I get it, it’s nice to have a “big” celebration and invite your besties on a fun weekend away. And, some people LOVE being invited and adore hen weekends.

On the other hand I do agree it can sometimes be a bit OTT, I’ve declined abroad hens due to funding.

I don’t think people are always entirely honest at the beginning or think about the costs involved when they invite their friends to their stag or hen weekend. You get told it’ll cost around £300/400 but that doesn’t then factor in spending money, plus the “extras” that keep being piled on top.

My DH is currently on a stag that originally was told around £500 but ended up costing 1K. It’s hard to pull out once you’ve paid the initial payment.

People can say no no it is not hard no you dont have to come with excuses why you can't say no just say no

If you’re COMPLETELY honest with yourself, what do you think the odds are of them being married in ten years time? Just saying….

I’ve been on one hen do overseas 15yrs ago and I arranged it, and we went to Costa Brava in Spain, all inclusive and it cost £250 plus spends. It was one of my oldest friends and 7 of us went including her mum, and it was the best weekend i’d had in years. No planned activities, apart from my other childhood friend and I made a ‘this is your life’ book, which was very personal to the bride and she absolutely loved it, and the 2nd night we all wore traditional hen party stuff. We didn’t cover costs for bride, but bride and I paid for another of our oldest friends to come as she was a care assistant with little spare cash for holidays.

It’s definitely got out of control now, expensive breaks and expensive activities every day. We had so much fun just lounging around on sun lounges, having a few drinks and chatting. No expensive activity was needed, we all just loved that time away to spend with friends, and got to know a couple of other ladies close to the bride.