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Original poster

Would you/should you tell someone their spouse had an affair?

137 replies

KeepOff · 06/03/2026 01:38

If you had absolute proof?
If it was many years ago?
What if you didn’t know them?
What if you know because the affair was with you but you didn’t know then and have only just found out?

Or is it best to leave it well alone?

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 06/03/2026 05:17

Yes, always. I was cheated on and some of my friends knew but didn’t tell me. The sense of betrayal was almost as much towards them as my ex. Even if I didn’t know someone I would tell them - everyone deserves to be able to make decisions in full knowledge of all the facts. What they do with that information (and they may choose to do nothing) is up to them.

PollyBell · 06/03/2026 05:14

No because I don't dress gossip up as a community service

Snorlaxo · 06/03/2026 05:06

Block so he can’t contact you and move on.

If it was a recent affair then you should tell but it was years ago so leave it.

Bleachedjeans · 06/03/2026 05:04

No no no and no.
And what would your intention be in telling them?

nowayho · 06/03/2026 02:32

If it’s over now and it happened years ago, then I wouldn’t bother. Nothing good can come of it now.

Beekman · 06/03/2026 02:26

Leave it all in the past. How is raking it all up going to make your life any better now?

LaLaBall · 06/03/2026 02:24

Many years ago I told a colleague/ friend about an affair her wife was having. It turned out to be the cruelest thing I could have done and I will never forgive myself for the distress and upheaval I caused that poor woman. She knew, she knew about all the affairs and all the cheating but had made peace with it for her own reasons that were none of my business. By my forcing her to confront the issue and shining light on it I changed the course of her life in a way she had absolutely not been planning on changing for herself. I will never get involved in others personal issues ever again.

Original poster
KeepOff · 06/03/2026 02:05

A further question:

What if their spouse had recently got in touch and lied about them being separated? Would the old news become relevant or is it still a separate issue?

OP posts:
CassandraCan · 06/03/2026 02:04

Why in earth would you want to tell them if it was may years ago?

Italiangreyhound · 06/03/2026 01:55

Personally, I would not tell. Especially, if it was a long time ago.

I cannot see that there is anything to be gained by this coming out. Personally, if it were me, I would not want to know.

90sTrifle · 06/03/2026 01:55

It was many years ago. Just leave it.

WednesdaysChild73 · 06/03/2026 01:43

Depends on who the person is

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