To want to change my name

Absolutely change it if you want to, especially if it will help your mental health. I hope to change mine either this year or next, although I’ve been saying that for 15 years so at this point I’m probably just kidding myself.

Similar to you it would likely upset my dad, irritate my partner and sorting banks, work, doctors…etc would be a nightmare but it’s important to me to not life my life as that name, I don’t want it to be my identity.

It’s a very personal choice, so think hard about what you want your name to be, You don’t want to have to repeat the process after 6 months if you don’t like it. Perhaps request a non official name change in some situations to see how it feels, for example request that your family, friends and colleagues call you by the name you’d like, change social media…etc, just try it out. If you love it, great! Start the official paperwork. If you don’t, just change back or pick something new.

You could just try it out.

You can change your name to whatever you like. Just do it informally and see how it feels before changing passport, bank account etc.

Why expensive?

Start with your first name and just tell everyone you are now known as….

It will take a while for people to get used to it.

And how will you feel if it doesn’t make you feel any more healed from your trauma?

I don’t know, with your mental health history I wouldn’t do anything until you feel more stable and less obsessed.

It’s a bit like cutting your own hair when you’re drunk.

I think you should do whatever you want.

If if were me though I'd take my husband's name/same name as my children rather than something random. With the first name I'd try and find something similar to my existing name/something that shares a nickname with my existing name so the change didn't draw loads of attention.

I think it's a bit much to change both names at once.

(Full disclosure ADHD, PTSD, mental health issues for years - I know this is part of the reason I hate my current name so much).
Given this, I'd be careful how you move forward. Sounds like you don't have a clear reason, and might regret a change in the future.

Do it, but make sure you're sure and that you stick to it x