How to cope with getting ugly

Age doesn't mean ugliness and nor does weight.

I'm fat (18-20) and 49 and I still turn heads. It helps that I have a pleasant face and good hair, but I also put in effort. I choose lovely clothes in rich colours and opulent fabrics. I spend a lot of time on skincare, the Korean stuff is amazing. Infrared mask at home 4 times a week, 2 or 3 sheets masks a week, microneedling, again at home.

Re makeup less is more when you're older but there's some really good skin tints and if you keep your brows well groomed and fake tan then a bit of eyeliner and mascara, some blusher and tinted lip balm, you will look healthy and glowy.

Can we please put the age and weight thing in the bin and cherish our current bodies. We can all practice self care. Also drink loads of water and take collagen.

How you feel has nothing to do with how you look.

Stop obsessing over how you look and "fixing" it when what you need to fix is how you feel about yourself and your own self esteem.

The fact you describe aging as being ugly is really rude. You're not 25 year old any more so you're not going to look like a 20 something year old!

Your friends will like you because you're a nice person, and they're not going to drop you because your hair doesn't look perfect, or your boobs would fail the pencil test, or you have saggy jowls.

People are interested in you as a person, not what you look like. And if anyone is really that shallow and judge you on your looks, then why would you want to be friends with someone like that?!

Focus on being happy just being you. You could have the most perfect taught skin and glossy hair and beautiful slim figure, but if you're a miserable cow on the inside then no one will want to be friends with you. The inside bit is what is important.

Yes but (genuinely) I try to keep my hair nice, and not look in the mirror too much. I wear little or no makeup.

I am also busy, happy and when I see other old and “ugly” faces I talk to the person and put greater emphasis on them rather than the elasticity of their jawline. I actually love a very wrinkled elderly face, I find it expressive and characterful.

We are lucky to live in a time when being a woman is no longer treated as a slow descent into invisibility. It isn’t a curse to age, and we don’t have to accept becoming drained, neglected or “past our prime.”

Appearance matters. It isn’t everything, far from it, but it is important,

You will never be younger than you are today. You will never not look your age.
But you can absolutely be the best, strongest, most radiant version of yourself.

Looking good doesn’t cancel intelligence, kindness, ambition or depth. You can be attractive and intelligent, and interesting, and successful, and kind and happy.

Taking care of how you look doesn’t take anything away from who you are. If anything, it adds confidence, energy, and happy vibes.

Best advice I had for myself Was get over yourself

so what I was attractive when I was young and now not so much and … the world hasn’t stopped, I can still make myself look ok, I have my health and what does it really matter

helped that I have an extremely self absorbed mother who is has been depressed for years because she has lost her looks 🙄 I don’t want to be as ugly as she is through jealousy, bitterness and self pity

Get your brows shaped. Lose a bit of weight and start weight training or bodyweight work. These give good muscle tone and posture.
Use facial tanning oil to get rid of that grey skinned look. Try facial yoga too.
Get a good haircut that isn't a middle aged compromise but one yesterday makes you feel young. My hair looks best shoulder length. Shorter ages me.

Moisturise your body, including legs, necks, arms. Wear good colours that liven up your eyes, skin and hair tones.

Walk tall, shoulders pinned back, bum tucked in. How we move and stand can really make us plain or attractive.

Life is too short to feel ugly!

Ignore the "beauty comes from the inside" nonsense - you are allowed to feel what you feel and want to look the best you possibly can. You want to look in the mirror and at photos of you and be happy with what you see.

Confidence and happiness are important! You matter! Your appearance matters.

Get a stylist - personal stylist can even work online. Pick a stylist that works with high street fashion, keep the cost low, but someone recommending the colours and shape that work for you makes all the difference. It really is not expensive, some stylist can do even do an online shop for you with Vinted items!

I can recommend some groups and stylists if you want.

Be active - you will feel better and a toned body always looks better. It's more than important for women as they are getting older.

You can improve your skin, it needs hydration, and using the right makeup will make all the difference. Does any celeb ever goes out make-up free? No. There's a reason for that.

Same with a great hairdresser, they can help - but you can get online consultation with someone who can at least discuss what would work best for you

You are not getting "ugly", you are just changing.

I’m 46 and feel brilliant! Daily yoga keeps you strong and flexible, I also find it regulates appetite and sleep. Good cut and colour, good light makeup with lots of nourishing skincare, light Botox. Yoga helps posture too so you stop that hunching that can happen.

I love having more money and more time which also comes with age.

You are soooo young! Make small tweaks and stack them!

"aging is horrible."

I'm sixty and disagree with this. The wisdom, peace and confidence aging can bring are something I wouldn't swap for an unlined face.

Aging is also 100% better than dying young. I would give anything to see my best friend's 60 year old face but she died of a heart attack aged 30.

This is soooo true. I am in my 50s and look at pictures of me in my early 40s snd think I look lovely. I did not at the time.
Losing weight is a bit of a double.Edge sword, if you care about your looks.Because fat don't crack!
My wrinkles are so much more defined. I try very hard not to care.

I managed to maintain looks to a certain extent (early 40s, but usually pass for early 30s unless after a sleepless night). It started costing absolutely ridiculous amount of maintenance money though (and military grade discipline re skincare and exercise), so I really question now whether my vanity is worth it.

You’re only 40, so I doubt you’re looking too haggard at this stage.

Lose weight, that’s an easy fix. Have some Botox. There’s nothing like it to freshen you up and no amount of diet or cream will give the same effect. I have it only every 9 months or so, if that, so it’s not a big cost over a year.

I empathise. I'm surprised at how old and ugly I look in the mirror. I have low self esteem anyway so it does get me down. But I'm not interested in cosmetic surgery or Botox and I do just feel grateful to be relatively healthy. When loved ones die too young it does put things in perspective.

Hi OP I sort of do the opposite of this. I tell myself I am 5x better looking than I actually am so that I don't think about ageing/ feeling I look rough etc. I do still try with getting enough sleep, not eating too much sugar (doesn't always work) and make up when I am meeting people but I try not to think about how I look and just concentrate on being as good a person as possible and having as much fun as possible to take any thoughts away from this. I think we could possibly all go insane if we spent too long worrying about how we looked / how we are ageing.

These posts make me so sad. Perhaps if I had been a raving beauty when young I’d feel worse about aging though. I was attractive looking back, but nothing special and hated my nose (still do!). However I’m in my 70s, still fairly fit and can play games with my gc. I’m blessed with a nice DH, lovely children and gc. I have friends the same age who are very unwell or have died. 40 is very young to me and to feel so down about yourself is horrible and makes me wonder what else is causing you to be so unhappy.

https://tropicskincare.com/products/sun-drops-gradual-tanning-facial-serum

I've been using this - really helps with the just-been-dug-up grey face - people keep asking me if I've been on holiday!

I saw this recommended on MN and it's great!

Otherwise I got nothing. Solidarity to my uggers sisters.

Yes, good points all.

No but the op seemed depressed about the palour of her skin, describing it as grey. I'm sure it looks nowhere near as bad as she thinks but exercises sweating etc will all help with that. And also having a it of muscle makes you feel less grumpy for some reason. Plus weightliftings good for future strength and feeling "inside" your own body.

Can only help with some issues, surely? Most peoples' faces suffer the effects of gravity.

Yep, aging is horrible.

I have as many tweaks as I can to cling on but you can only do so much. Last week a market researcher asked how old I was. I'm 52. She seemed surprised and said she'd thought I was about 40.

I was gracious and pretended it was the compliment she intended it to be. Inside I couldn't be happy with the thought that I look 40 though. All that money I spend and all I can achieve is to look a bit less middle aged than I am......

Looks change as we age. I know not why we regard this as deterioration ... it is not. It is just age-approprate change.

We would not expect a teenager to look like a baby. They have changed.

It seems that society pumps for an age (?late 20s or early 30s) and decides this is how we should look forever in order to ha e any personal worth. It is total bollocks. And charlatans are making filortunes off the back of this falsehood.

I worked as a photographer for many years and my most stunning photo is of a woman in her 80s. Her character and life experience shine through.

Be proud of who you are. Engage with life, do things you enjoy, care about others, act in the interests of your health where this is needed .. but do not run yourself down for simply being who you are at your current stage of life. If you are doing this in your 40s, things will only get worse as time goes by!

I totally empathise with this feeling. I'm 52 and looked better between 35 and 45 than I did in my 20's due to haircut and clothes. But I am definitely noticing a jowly look about me now and despise my sagging chin.

That said there's nothing I can do about that so I keep going with trying to have good hair (a challenge with menopausal thinning) and clothes that suit me (try getting your colours done as wearingthe wrong ones can really impact your look), exercising and drinking plenty of water.

But honestly the most beautiful thing you can do is smile and be happy. Beauty radiates from the inside. I notice I (and everyone else) look best in impromptu photos where I am smiling or laughing.

Being grateful for health and family (or whatever you value) is a good start.

Hope you can turn how you feel around as 30+ years is a long time to feel like this.

👏

It can be hard but I actively try not to shy away from my my age or getting older. I tell people how old I am, I dismiss their socially conditioned responses about 'not looking it' and say; "I don't mind looking 40, that's how old I am!" Our attitude to aging is ridiculous and we would all do well to try and detach our self worth from our age or our looks. My mum never did this; she is 75 now and so uncomfortable in her own skin. It's really sad to see.

I wholeheartedly agree with having more sex. It's hugely important for self-esteem, youthful appearance and physical fitness.