How to cope with getting ugly

Have a skincare routine that is about looking after yourself and not trying to look different. Moisturising rather than anti - wrinkle.
Wear clothes that you feel good in and flatter your shape. Wear things you love that make you happy when you put them on.
Say positive things to yourself when you look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Focus on the things that look good about you. Do not look at the things you think are flaws and make you feel bad about yourself.

Nose shaped like a willy made me laugh. Thanks for that 😂

Just found this post and really relate to it.

Similar age to you and am in poor health so I feel like I've aged even quicker than I might have otherwise, yet I somehow still seem to get threated as if I'm young (as in immature, presumably, and incompetent, not as in I look good!). Feels like I have the worst of both worlds. I've put on a LOT of weight, most annoyingly on my face, my hair has gone shit, I have terrible permanent bags under my eyes
... Etc etc. And I can't lose that weight because my health doesn't allow me to really exercise.

Any time I try dressing up now, it highlights all the problems - my arms and waist are too fat to fit into most clothes - rather than making me feel good. I don't know which about make-up, and I'm damned if I know how to find concealer that actually matches the shade of my face (which bit?!), so make-up seems to make me look worse rather than better.

I've also lost that sense of strength and competence in my body that I had when I was more mobile and spending my weekends out climbing and hiking.

I've realised the thing that's probably quietly making a significant difference is that I'm stressed to to my eyeballs, not getting enough sleep ever, and not spending much time outside.

So I guess the one thing I can do, as the days get longer, is lie in a meadow.

I don't have a magic answer. But god, it took becoming chronically ill to really realise that the important thing is what your body cando, not what it looks like.

More expensive clothes, make up and hair products are the answer. I didn't believe (or want to believe it) until recently. Also remember that no one stands as close to you as a mirror does so check yourself out from at least a foot away.

It really is all in the mind. I think I look OK? I mean I don't, but I have ceased caring what others think. I am 60. I don't colour my hair, or wear make up. I don't do tret because I like getting some sun, and couldn't be bothered with high SpF. I go out walking and gardening and getting fresh air. I wear good quality basic clothes, but am not fashionable. I wear bikinis on holidays, and am a bit fat.

Hoorah!

I have spent most of my life hating my appearance. I just wanted to be pretty from a very young age and knew I wasn't.

Honestly, I got to 40 and all that just fell away. My hair was the bane of my mother's life when I was a child (thick and coarse, like hers, which she hated), but I have learnt to love it. At 52, it's half way down my back and I celebrate it instead of trying to make it into what it isn't and never will be (sleek, smooth, shiny, poker-straight). I know some people think I would be 'better' with shorter hair, but I love how it feels and how having it makes me feel. Plus, it distracts from the awful square jaw I was lumbered with.

It's awful to dislike what you see in the mirror. I lived with that for so long, but I can understand how hard it must be if it's a relatively new sensation to you. I'd say my biggest problem was wanting to look like somebody else I was never going to look like. For you, that 'somebody else' is your younger self. Combating that feeling of comparison is half the battle. You don't have to love the face you've got, I'll never manage that, but you can accept it. I imagine, not that I'd know, that if you once had reasonable looks and feel you haven't now, because of the aging process, then there's a sense of grief/loss you need to work through.

I hope some of the suggestions about brightening up skin, etc, from PPS have helped you to start your journey towards, if not loving, at least tolerating what you see, and looking after it to keep it healthy. For me, learning to finally love one aspect of my appearance for what it was helped no end, and I enjoy my haircare routine. You might find a skincare routine that brightens that 'grey' look has the same effect for you.

I mean sure, but also I hate this idea that if you want to look nice you're clearly a vapid person who can't simply float above it all. Ageing is a privilege etc etc but you don't have to look it!!!

I am 37 and I look alright but I did come across a photo of me at 25 and burst into tears! (We can blame PMT a bit for this).

I bought a Tymo hot brush which is great for making your hair look much tidier without a lot of effort, like a good blow dry. And if you search on instagram/tiktok there are lots of videos of how to use hot brushes.

Skin-wise are you using retinol? I use Skin+Me which is prescription tretinoin and it made SUCH a difference to my skin. It's good for brightness etc and fine lines. My skin looks so much better. I've also started taking biotin but we'll see on that one.

I am really bad with style, I think you just have to look around at looks you like and basically just recreate them. Let someone else do the thinking and just copy it.

You can be beautiful at any age. Not all young people are beautiful.

It is harder as we get older but don’t give up! I’m 50 and I’m not going down without a fight.

I’d first focus on skincare. SPF, retinol, vitamin C. Maybe a facial tanner if you look grey.

I wouldn’t worry about losing weight as we don’t want to be too thin when we get older. We need the fat in our faces. But weights and Pilates are a good mixture for muscle definition and posture which will help you look younger.

And a good diet - lots of veggies and good fats, so salmon, avocado, olive oil, nuts, seeds. Plenty of water. Minimal alcohol. Sleep. It’s just all more of an effort these days but doable.

Totally agree with you and also with lots of the replies. There's lots you can do to feel better about yourself like eating more healthily, cutting down on the stodge, getting out in the fresh air. Ask your hairdresser for suggestions for longer term hair health. Go for a makeover or ask at your local department store beauty counter for make up advice. I had chemotherapy 2 years ago and lost all my hair which was fairly traumatic but it's now grown back thick and curly and I love it!! Also, don't forget by the time you get to your 50's you're pretty much invisible anyway, at least that's how it feels!!

This is what I was going to say, but I also think women can look great at 80 as well.
That said, minerals and vitamins as well as enough sleep and exercise help at any age.

What you're describing is so much more common than people admit out loud and it takes courage to say it, and while I can't speak to the emotional side as well as others here can, from a practical standpoint a lot of what you're describing like the grey skin tone, sagging, and dull hair often responds more than people expect to consistent basics like SPF daily, a retinoid at night, and getting iron and vitamin D levels checked since deficiencies in both show up directly in skin tone and hair thickness and are incredibly common in women approaching 40.

Well i wasn't gonna say it but, yeah, this😆

I am ugly. I was an ugly baby (believe me, I've seen the photos), I was an ugly child and I have grown into an ugly old woman. I have lips so thin that they disappear into my chin, if I don't force a smile. My hair is kept under a hat, because no matter how it is styled, it is straggly and wayward. My nose is, according to my sons, shaped like a willy. It is good for smelling things, but it has kept growing so now I look like I have a massive todger in the middle of my face.

The squint that I had as a child has come back, so I can't even look people in the eye without turning my head. I gave up wearing make up years ago,= because it simply accentuated my worst features.

Yet, I love life. Life is beautiful! There are some ugly events going on, but life itself is a precious and lovely thing.

I have a job that I love, and it does not require me to look beautiful. I am writing a book and really enjoying it. I have a lovely and loving family and fantastic friends.

Perhaps I am at an age where I do not have to think of men's approval; may be I don't give a flying fig about the so called standards of beauty that society sets for women (all designed by the cosmetics industry). It could be the fact that I have never been beautiful that I do not lament the 'loss' of my youthful looks.

However, if you look in the mirror, you will see something beautiful. You will see a human being capable of deep and wondrous feelings; a person who can love; someone who is passionate about something and whose thoughts know no limits. All these things are beautiful.

we're moving house soon. I'm going to make sure there are fewer mirrors in the new house. I'm not going down the cosmetic treatment route, and I already do what I can by exercising, eating well, and not drinking, so I'm just going to reduce the impact by not looking. Where we live now, we have mirrored wardrobes, massive mirrors in the bathroom, etc. There's just no need.

exercise to get the blood flowing
weights
I have no idea if collegen works but my friend swears by it !
re skin - Id absolutely recommend tretinon via dermatica.gold standard skin care .
i also buy a lot of koerean skin care as I believe its very good.
eg milky toners to hydrate the skin really help me .

Use vitamin C for the grey skin, minoxidil for hair thinning and retinol (I think GP can prescribe) for skin . These 3 are really affective, agreed on by dermatologists and affordable. Just do your research to make sure you are buying the right thing.

Up your protein intake massively, drink at least 2L of water a day. Fake tan with a gradual tanner, do hair masks regularly and leave overnight. Eat mostly only fruit and veg. See best hairdresser you can afford as often as you can. Start lifting weights and doing Pilates. Start running once or twice a week.

Keep doing all of the above!!

I don’t think most people are beautiful between 20 and 35 and find this whole thought process on all under 40 being beautiful bewildering.

you know where you are on the attractiveness scale at all ages, and that scale is quite wide from less attractive to very attractive and the average in the middle. It’s the same for all ages,

no one average or below is looking back thinking they were a beauty and just as you’re a certain age doesn’t mean you’re beautiful, it’s a ridiculous thought,

I'm going to disagree with the 'when you're 80 you'll think you were beautiful at 40' comments.

With respect, each age has a different type of beauty.

Yes, most of us are beautiful at 20-35, but youth is inherently beautiful. It's taken me through my 40s and into my 50s to really grow into my older looks. It's an adventure (and infinitely better than plastic surgery).

Also (and this might help, might not) I stopped caring about looking conventionally pleasing once I hit menopause. Looking slightly eccentrically good is quite another thing though!

How old do you think you’ll be before you’ll be happy to look 40? Because I can assure you when you get to that age you most definitely won’t look 40. I seriously doubt that you do now.

What do you want to look then? Because sadly in reality you will look late forties to mid fifties in real life.

I don't want to look 40. Didn't want to look 40 when I was 22 and still don't at 52.

Wait until you turn 60!

I feel you op, I'm 43 and I feel like my skin has deteriorated more in the last 6 months than in all of the previous years combined. Over the past month I've made a concerted effort to improve my skin quality and I've found that; more water, reducing sugar and alcohol as much as possible and exercise which makes you sweat definitely helps. Ie - running and hot yoga. Hillwalking always makes my skin look fresh as well. I also take creatine, NAD, multi-vitamins & D3/K2. Hope it helps!

You might think me bonkers, but weight training and pilates has made a big difference to how I feel about myself.

Never in a million years did I think that I'd manage pilates - old, fat, out of condition, bad back and wonky knees.

I can now get off the mat without having to kneel and hang onto something. I still have to use my hands, but I'm getting up off my toes. More importantly, I'm no longer doing the old person side shuffle as I walk - I'm walking normally with a longer stride. I'm also remembering to walk taller and to tuck my backside in: according to my osteopath I was walking for it stuck out to compensate for my knee problems.

I have no idea whether I look younger, but I feel better in myself and - yes, I no longer feel as ancient as I did.