So glad your DD is beginning to open up. My DS has been home from uni over Easter . He is set to fail the year through non attendance but because Wellbeing were involved and he explained to his tutor in a full email what was and had been going on they haven’t been putting pressure on him.
He is a changed person from the one we saw at Christmas. I think because he was open and honest about what was happening he has been able to move forward and start dealing with his mental health. He didn’t take a leave of abscess because he would then be unable to access the online material for his course. He has been engaging with the online material. The uni publish all the lectures online so he’s been keeping up. It’s just the practical stuff he wasn’t able to attend.
We think we know our children but this part of their life can be difficult. The transition from teens to adult can be difficult when they are ND or they have a series of experiences that most people don’t get to experience until they are more mature.
DS arrived home and has spent his time sorting out all the jobs that I struggle with, lawn mowing being one of them. I didn’t need to ask or nag. He was up, most days, early and his sleep pattern is much healthier.
Most noticeable was that he was no longer irritable all the time. He discovered that his best friend, who is at the same uni but who hasn’t been around has been home going through a similar problem. He was in his final year (DS had a year out) but when he went back in September he had a big wobble. He had been embarrassed to say anything to DS and because they had t seen each other neither knew of the others problems.
I think it was a relief for both of them that they were not alone. DS is still thinking about what to do. It’s been encouraging talking to his friends who are aware of his problems and have been helping get back to “normal”. He had met a girl and is looking forward to maybe developing a relationship. He’s never been short of female company but had a couple of short term relationships that were difficult because of his state of mind. He spoke about it and confessed that since he wasn’t dealing with his own wellbeing he couldn’t really interact with someone else. This was obvious from his behaviour with DH and I. You could sense his continual underlying agitation.
I do seem to have my boy back who wants to chat and have a giggle. We have always had long entertaining conversations about rugby, tv series and life in general.
So much of me wants him to be sorted but since I’ve been having problems coming to terms with a shared bereavement I can’t expect him to be any different.
Hopefully they will let him retake the year. Finance is fortunately not an issue. He’s signed a house lease for next year so hopefully he is making his way back on track.
I am reminded of my youngest sisters journey at a similar age. Having seen her two older sisters blossom at uni and embrace higher education she failed her A levels and had to retake. At the time I was in my clinical years so rarely home. I didn’t see the mess she got herself into. She was ND although undiagnosed, she reset, retook her A levels and embarked on an 8 yr uni career emerging with a PhD and became a marine biologist. She had a wonderful life travelling the world visiting places most of us would never get the chance to see.
If she’d passed her A levels first time she may not have followed the same path. Things happen for a reason and we are here for a long time. Better to be doing something we want to do rather than doing what is expected.
My DSis changed career after having breast cancer at 34. She added another degree to her collection and ended up in her dream job lecturing in microbiology at Plymouth uni. She really learned that nothing was the end of the world. Sadly after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease she died recently of pancreatic cancer. She packed so much into her life and used her early failure as motivation throughout her life.
Hopefully your DD will accept that this is a blip. When they are bright we often forget to prepare them for failure because academia is so easy for them. When they fail, and many do, they are often surprised and are unable to ask for help. Your DD has hopefully learned that you will always support her regardless. The first step towards recovery is to admit to there being something wrong. Don't rush her it will all fall into place but not necessarily in the planned order.