Found out DD isn’t actually at university anymore

@UniversityProblems

Which A Levels did she take, OP?

It sounds like she was struggling academically. It isn’t for everyone and I honestly think some people go as they aren’t really sure what to do.
My son has just dropped out of uni, never went back after Christmas. Did a foundation year and then started the main degree in Sept. He just struggle, failed an exam and despite studying just couldn’t get to grips.
i would rather her dropped out than made himself stressed or ill over it. Also would prefer that he didn’t accumulate more debt unnecessarily.
Give her space and time to recoup and recover

It's usually a sign your kid has gone off the rails.

You need to go to bed and get some sleep.
im guessing there is some projection here from something in your own life.
Get your facts straight and Dont slag off OPs DD

Also. She needs to find out if she can get a statement from the uni detailing how many academic credits she has -because she could potentially use these as credit transfer in the future -not sure how that works with a foundation year though.

The ou actually do an access course,in more than one subject-its won't get you into a brick uni as far as I know -but I have heard very good things about them -I don't think they are too expensive either

Edited to say if she was on a qualifying benefit she would get it paid for

Sometimes people struggle living away from home. Other people thrive on it. I was just homesick. I didn't actually drop out of the year. I failed all my exams and passed four out of five on the resit and could have carried one forwards -but I didn't want to. I knew at that point I just wanted to go home.

My brother went to uni away from home at 17 and loved it. I had friends at that college but we didn't socialise together. I was in a relationship too. Was just co incidence he was at the same college but he was settled there -was the year above me

Not everyone makes choices from a bad or selfish place. If you read the comments, you'll see lots of other examples of at a minimum reasonably successful women who experienced similar situations for various reasons. Trauma, undiagnosed medical conditions, mental health difficulties. Instead of jumping on blame and negativity, what is the harm with starting to support, help and understand?

You also haven't read very thoroughly as you have stated a number of incorrect facts in this reply

My DD started university at 19. Partway through her second year her stepfather (my second DH) died. He had been more of a father to her than her actual father and her uni work suffered as her mental health was so bad. She came home and did temp jobs whilst deciding what she really wanted to do. In the end she started at a local university (living at home) doing a Mental Health Nursing Degree and now, 9 years after graduating, she is highly regarded in a senior post with her own home. She just needed time to decide what she wanted to do with her life.

Are you guarantor for student house @UniversityProblems

One thing you will need to do is find out if she owes rent -unless she's paid up for the full year. If she hasn't she could potentially try and sub let the room to another student. Some students do look for short term lets due to circumstances

Op: am i being unreasonable?
Me: yes!
Op:You seem so angry. Not sure why. Maybe my post triggered something. Whatever it is, I wish you healing.

A mistake is a one-off error of judgment, not 6 months of sustained lying to someone close to you!

Your post is so cold. Scientists are saying our brains aren’t fully developed until at the very least, mid to late 20s. Goodness, what must it be to be as perfect as you.

This is bizarre. You are the one who spoke badly - the OP has been extremely polite in her response to you.

"they way you speak to people" - the irony!
You must be reading the wrong thread. Or you must be a very unpleasant person.

You are reading different posts. Have you read any updates, the situation you describe is just made up in your toxic mind. It's impossible to know the reasons for such an inaccurate and nasty post, but being charitable, we could assume you have been triggered and are projecting. Of course you might just be a horrible person who enjoys other's misfortune and just makes things up. We will never know, but best to keep it to yourself.

If this is the way you speak to people who disagree with you, no wonder your daughter felt she had to lie to you!

If she has incurred what, at least £6000 to date, let alone rent for the rest of the year£1000, she hasnt got the money to pay,just because she can't tell you the truth, there is either something very wrong with you as a parent, or with her! There's no other explanation!

Hi OP, this was a very long time ago but I also messed up at uni (twice) and didn’t tell my parents. I’d moved 200 miles away and on reflection was unprepared, too immature and also too shy to cope with uni. I ended up in with a drinking/drugs crowd and just drank and got stoned instead of going to lectures and tutorials. The good news is I got a job and found that I much preferred working, learning on the job and having my own money. I’m now a senior manager in a professional services firm. I think uni just isn’t the best option for some people. My son is three years into an apprenticeship scheme and is loving it, and recently bought his first house with his girlfriend. Uni isn’t the be all and end all. Best of luck to you and your DD.

I'm so sorry OP, I can't imagine how tough that discovery was. Thank goodness for your surprise visit.
I didn't mean to pry. Thank you for sharing. Our children remain our children regardless of their age - it never occurred to me that Uni makes no contact with parents (which is quite obvious when I think about it) - and makes me realise how easily this can happen. It's an uncomfortable feeling and makes me wonder if Uni's could do more. I guess until you know what has happened you could cross that bridge later. If your DD was noticeably under performing or not attending etc, is there ever a point where a Uni alerts parents? Surely there is a duty of care somewhere?

Sending you big hugs - i hope your wider family are also giving you plenty of support x

She needs to be able to demonstrate there are substantive new skills if she is undertaking an apprenticeship at the same level as her A levels were. So a real change is probably advised. She will also need to work 30 hours or more which may be tricky currently especially if she hasn’t been able to maintain the few hours of her degree course.

Aw I can see this has been very traumatic for you and her op. She’s with you now though and you can help get her back on her feet. X

@UniversityProblems
I've read all your updates, your OP made me very sad, the thought of your DD hiding this, that she felt she had to keep up the pretence of returning to Uni.
That must have been awful for her and devastating for you when you found out.

I didn't go to uni but I have what would be considered a "good" job with an equally "good" salary.

I work in the rail industry (NetworkRail), no qualifications for my role when I joined and no real interest in the industry.
I started at the bottom and worked my way up.

Dependant on your DD's interest could you look at apprenticeships, entry level roles etc?

We offer "A Year In Industry" to young people for experience, other companies may offer similar.

We also have hundreds of different roles from admin level upwards.

At 20 your DD has time on her side this isn't the end of the world it's the beginning of her new life.

Right now she needs cuddling, feeding up and love and understanding which it sounds like she's getting from her wonderful mother and extended family❤️
When she's ready I'd be telling her to stand up tall and proud "Chin up, chest out" and let's move forward 😘

OP, how did you discover it all, did something make your DD tell you in the end which led to you going to get her?

You sound like a lovely supportive mum. Ignore the nasty poster, absolutely unnecessary.
I have DC coming up to Uni age and this thread has given me some good tips in terms of what to look out for. I'm sure your DD will be fine - she has your support and a loving family which is more important than anything. Good luck to you all