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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you won 10k

113 replies

Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 19:04

Together 10 years, living together (unmarried but engaged), with 2 children.
One of you wins 10k - would you view it as joint money or not?
YABU - joint, and you would plan how to spend it together
YANBU - It’s the individual’s money, to spend how they please

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 05/03/2026 19:50

AnnaQuayRules · 05/03/2026 19:07

Joint. In our case we'd spend it on a lovely holiday

This is exactly what we would do

Original poster
Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 19:50

Walli2 · 05/03/2026 19:47

I think it only matters if you have very different approaches to money. I'd be happy if DP won 10k and put it in his pension, or spent some on replacing the boiler. Not so much if he spent it on taking his friends on a golfing holiday.

Funny you should say that…..

OP posts:
didgeridid · 05/03/2026 19:50

It would be joint money but my husband would spend it before we had it so I'd be in charge 😂😂

Sofado · 05/03/2026 19:50

Joint.

WallaceinAnderland · 05/03/2026 19:47

Legally it's not joint money but if you consider your relationship a true partnership then I would say it is and you should jointly decide how to use it.

If someone does want to share then it's not really a partnership and I wouldn't want to be with them, let alone marry them.

Northstar26 · 05/03/2026 19:47

In our case (we’re not married but also together 10 years, one child) I can’t imagine DP keeping it totally for himself. It would go towards something for our family, savings or a holiday - thought maybe a bigger purchase for himself if we could afford it which I wouldn’t begrudge.

Walli2 · 05/03/2026 19:47

I think it only matters if you have very different approaches to money. I'd be happy if DP won 10k and put it in his pension, or spent some on replacing the boiler. Not so much if he spent it on taking his friends on a golfing holiday.

Birch101 · 05/03/2026 19:44

Varies would one of you squander it whilst the other wouldn't....

If I didn't trust my partner to spend it wisely and appreciate it then I would probably withhold a lot of it and say I won 1k

And yes I would always have a safe pot for an exit strategy if needed. Too many people become trapped.

dadtoateen · 05/03/2026 19:44

Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 19:04

Together 10 years, living together (unmarried but engaged), with 2 children.
One of you wins 10k - would you view it as joint money or not?
YABU - joint, and you would plan how to spend it together
YANBU - It’s the individual’s money, to spend how they please

Joint money…. Don’t understand why anyone would think differently

CheeseNcrackerz · 05/03/2026 19:43

I won 10k a few years ago. We redid the upstairs bathroom because it was needed. If I won again I’d definitely set aside £1k for a bit of a splurge

Original poster
Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 19:43

Twattergy · 05/03/2026 19:40

He's right, technically and legally it would be his even if you were married. The person that wins money owns the money, married or not. What he chooses to do with it and how he treats it is something else. If won £10k I would consider that I have the final choice on how that money is used. E.g. I might pay down the mortgage, pay off my own debt, buy a family holiday, give it all to charity, buy an expensive handbag, put it in the kids savings account...or I could let my partner decide or we jointly decide. Lots of options that depends on how you want to manage your finances either as an individual or a couple.

Yes I realise I may have worded my OP incorrectly. It is more about how you would view it/spend it.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 05/03/2026 19:40

Yes it’s joint.

Twattergy · 05/03/2026 19:40

He's right, technically and legally it would be his even if you were married. The person that wins money owns the money, married or not. What he chooses to do with it and how he treats it is something else. If won £10k I would consider that I have the final choice on how that money is used. E.g. I might pay down the mortgage, pay off my own debt, buy a family holiday, give it all to charity, buy an expensive handbag, put it in the kids savings account...or I could let my partner decide or we jointly decide. Lots of options that depends on how you want to manage your finances either as an individual or a couple.

canuckup · 05/03/2026 19:38

Depends on the household

I'd personally keep it, for reasons I will not go into here

ThejoyofNC · 05/03/2026 19:37

What exactly does he want to spend it on that's so important he can't share it with his family?

Moonnstarz · 05/03/2026 19:34

Joint to pay for things as a family e.g. nice holiday or doing the house up (new furniture for example).

Walker1178 · 05/03/2026 19:31

DP and I have a joint account for household expenses but then separate finances thereafter. I’m pretty confident that if either is us had a bonus £10k it would be spent on holiday/s together or on our home. Neither of us would see it as just ours to do as we please but we also wouldn’t be splitting it exactly down the middle and gifting the other £5k!

MyBadday · 05/03/2026 19:29

When you build a life together things should be joint (or at least discussed together).

Original poster
Moonface29 · 05/03/2026 19:27

MimiSunshine · 05/03/2026 19:24

let me guess, the one holding off on the marriage is the one who’s won £10k

IMO it should be joint but you don’t get the benefits of marriage without the legal ceremony where you sign the contract so it’s solely the person who won it.

Correct.
Except he says it would still be his, even if we were married.
I know I am going to get a lot of comments about not being married. At the time I had no reason to think that we wouldn’t. If I knew then what I know now…

OP posts:
Edinvillian · 05/03/2026 19:26

I won £20k when I’d been with my partner at the time for 14 years, we weren’t married and had two kids. I basically split it. We bought a car each and the rest went on joint things, stuff for the kids.

MimiSunshine · 05/03/2026 19:24

let me guess, the one holding off on the marriage is the one who’s won £10k

IMO it should be joint but you don’t get the benefits of marriage without the legal ceremony where you sign the contract so it’s solely the person who won it.

Tacohill · 05/03/2026 19:21

MasterBeth · 05/03/2026 19:14

It's the individual's to spend how they want and, pretty obviously, they should want to spend it on their partner and family.

This!

Its their/your money but any decent partner would spend it on their partner and kids.

I’d book a holiday for the whole family and give everyone a couple hundred to splurge on what they wanted.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/03/2026 19:17

As far as I'm concerned, if you joined as a couple enough to bring children into the world and become a family, then all financial decisions should be family decisions. Personally I would have gone down to the register office as soon as the pregnancy test turned positive. I really don't understand bringing children into the world without a stable family set up. And unless you have some other legal thing set up to replicate the protection that marriage brings, I don't view it as stable. You're just all living in the same house.

Get married. He should be putting the money towards a nice little wedding day.

MissAmbrosia · 05/03/2026 19:16

In my house it would be ours.

SoSoLong · 05/03/2026 19:15

Joint, but maybe I'd want more of a say in what it's spent on? I wouldn't spend it on myself alone for sure and I'd happily put it in joint savings. But I wouldn't be happy if DP insisted on spending it on a motorcycle, for example.