If you won 10k

This pretty much sums up MN.

Oh wow.

That would be the end for me love

This update just makes it utterly despicable! He actually cancelled the family holiday in order to treat his friends?? Words don’t even cover it.

And yes getting married should be his priority if he loved you.

I mean it does depend a bit. And I’ve seen your update that it is your DP who’s won it, now doesn’t want to marry etc

In a lovely relationship, you’d think he’d want to share it.

If you were asking hypothetically as per your OP, I would have said it would depend if it was the person with the financial power generally in the relationship who won it (ie that person should definitely be sharing it). If one of you had stepped back a bit from work to care for children etc and that had impacted finances, that would be a factor - so if the person still able to work full throttle won it it’s fully joint, if a SAHM or part time worker won it, I’d say they had good cause to see at least some of it as just theirs.

If someone who needed to flee DV won jt, or who was being financially abused, then definitely all theirs!

I would hope in any loving relationship the person winning would to share at least most of the money with their partner, at least in terms of buying something joint with it (whether something for the house, a holiday etc) or investing in joint savings/ paying off a mortgage, if not literally splitting the money/ putting all in joint funds.

I wouldn’t expect a working husband who has two children with their fiancée to say “no this is all going on a jolly for me with the boys/ a bit of new kit for my personal hobby” or similar.

What a waste of space he is! Honestly, LTB!

Oh God!! This is horrible!!
Definitely think long and hard about whether this is who you want to spend your life with.
He could have provided the holiday for you all that everyone was excited for, but he chose to do something that only benefits him?!
What an immature and mean thing to do.
I'm sorry OP 🥺

It would be my money, but I'd do something nice for our family with most of it, and probably try to do an individual nice thing for each of us of our choosing.
I'd hope my husband would feel the same way, and I think I'd be disappointed if he spent it all on himself - whilst acknowledging that it was his to do as he wished.

Sorry to hear this. It's hurtful to you but also really awful that he's willing to let your child down like this. I think I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

I was married when I came Into an inheritance of around 15k. My husbands ideas of how to spend the money involved him, for the good and enjoyment of him. My ideas were to improve our home which was pretty much in an awful state, which would benefit our children, but a newer car which we needed as ours was 16 years old, (and we relied on) do up the garden which was also a state and had never been sorted out. Buy loads of new clothes for all of us, kids and us) basically my ideas were going to benefit the whole family. His ideas were not. I put my foot down and I chose what to buy as my husband hasn't got a clue about home improvements or the kids... I did all of the above things and more. I replaced our bathroom and kitchen aswel and bought a summerhouse for our garden which we all use as a gym.

I think you have your answer.

Personally I would keep quiet for now and assess my financial position and look for an exit.

Hang on, he cancelled your once in a lifetime trip to siphon the money off to a friends holiday that only he could enjoy?

That’s despicable. Even if the money was his to spend as he wants, he should want to spend it on his family. The fact he doesn’t speaks volumes about his actual commitment.

I would be re-thinking the entire relationship at this point and would go and stay elsewhere

I am of the belief that marriage or children mean that you are a family and decisions should be made for the good of the family.

Personally if I won £10k and didn’t have a house it would be part of the deposit, if I had a house I would probably use it to pay down the mortgage and have a small wedding at a registry office.

However if he is planning on using it as a lads holiday with 2 kids then I would be questioning his commitment to the family unit. Both of you should be thinking what is best for the family and if he is acting like a single man, I would be thinking how am I protected in the event of a split and what do I have to do to protect myself and rage dc

Don’t be ridiculous. Perhaps if so many men weren’t financially abusive then so many women wouldn’t be so guarded.

@Moonface29I would say if your finances are already joint and equitable, then it’s joint, if not, then it requires a conversation.

In our household, we both pay the same amount in to cover bills, but the rest of our salaries are ours.

If I won £10k, I’d probably pay off my car finance with half of it, and spend the other half on a family holiday. Whereas DP would probably pay into his pension, or upgrade his car.

Neither of us would bat an eyelid at any of those outcomes.

Technically it does belong to the person who won it, but if I won it I would share it with my partner and make sure we did something fun and something sensible with it; if he won it, I am sure he'd mostly do the same. I'd have a pretty dim view of selfishness on either side if we were ten years in and engaged!

I love the idea of getting £10k for a marrow 😂

Errrrrm, I did win 10k, five years married, I'd just found out I was pregnant right after I quit my job to go SE.

We just reinvested it and considered it an exciting ease of circumstances given that I wasn't getting SMP.

But if I'd wanted to keep it all, husband wouldn't have batted an eyelid. I recently got a windfall from my parents and spent about £1000 on upgrades to the house furnishings as a surprise. My husband admitted that he would have been royal PITA choosing what he liked and he wouldn't have picked the rug but really likes it etc.

I've been lucky to be in a similar situation with a cash gift, we split it - I bought a new bike, husband treated himself to something nice and then we gave our daughter some cash too.

If he is unwilling to marry you and perfectly willing to spend £10k on himself when you have children, that would be the end of the relationship for me. I couldn’t respect him.

I'd say £1000 for the person who won it to spend on themself, on their hobby, clothes, sport, whatever and the rest to benefit the family as a whole - a holiday, or a new car or home improvements.........

So guessing he wants to spend it on a lads jolly. He’s tell you who he is and where you come in his priority’s. Take some time to think through your options, it’s not just about the money

As soon as we had kids, our money has been joint. I couldn’t imagine winning money and not considering my DH and I to have equal say on what happens to it.

We've been together 20 years, one child, not married (and don't intend to be unless necessary for tax reasons). Joint account for household and bills but salaries go into our own accounts.

We would absolutely use the money for a joint expense - probably a new bathroom, as ours needs doing. Maybe put it on the mortgage as we're renewing this year. I think it would be up to the one who won to have the final say, but neither of us would claim all or half.