If you won 10k

DH would view it as mine if I won it and ours if he won it. He has previous for this. I do bring as much to the pit as he does and in instances of a bit of a windfall have always put it into the house somehow: he is very much ‘it’s your money, do whatever’

It would be joint but I'd have majority say on what the money went on.

We'd invest at least half in our business, pay of debts and treat ourselves and kids to something each of us want but can't afford (new x box for OH, camera for me, VR for eldest, probably a nice bike for youngest

I responded only to the original message - I've just had chance to read some of the updates...

My approach would remain the same (that the winnings would belong to wherever the money came from e.g. personal account, personal winnings or joint account, joint winnings) however, in the instance of personal winnings, I cannot imagine for one moment that either my husband or I would go and splurge it on ourselves, without any thought about our joint financial situation and our family. I would be hurt beyond words if my husband's choice was to holiday with friends rather than me and my little boy. I'd be out of there if that was his preference!

Well, you know where you and your dc stand now don’t you?

If the father of my children won £10k and his first thought was not how to treat family but to spend it on himself, I would find it very difficult to continue the relationship.

DH won a car once, worth about the same amount. We sold it and put a deposit on a house.

Given your updates, how other people would deal with the money is irrelevant.

He's made it really plain he doesn't love you, and you are the 'wife appliance' without actually being his wife.

Surely you are worth more than this?

Then he’s an absolute twat.
To cancel your holiday after telling your child about it is really horrible. How can he do that??
Sorry OP.

Joint money.

Joint. We would probably pay off the credit card which would leave £7k. We would probably have a bit of treat money for us & the kids (maybe £2k) & put abut £5k away towards hols for next year.

In our house it would have half joint and half personal like we do when either of us gets a bonus. Some of it would go on family expenses (a holiday or paying of the joint credit card or house DIY) and some of it would be kept by the winner for personal things (personal credit cards or something the person has wanted for a while).
This year I got a bonus (first time in forever). I've put some aside to pay for a Christmas activity for the kids we have wanted to do for the last few year but cant afford usually and I put some into getting a massage, haircut, new dress etc. DH does the same with his bonus every year. Usually a house related item / DIY then something he wants.

I think its a big red flag if he spends the whole lot on just himself no thought for even his kids.

I think I'd suggest taking £1000 each to spend how we liked and putting the rest into savings, whoever actually won it.

I’d like to think that if that happened to us, half would go into the mortgage (our maximum overpayment for the year is 5k) and the other half be spent on paying off credit card debit.
That way it mainly would benefit my partner who is much worse at managing money than I am and so has debts, but would benefit us both due to the reduction in interest we both end up paying.

Joint money and we’d go on a SilverSea cruise.

Interesting. I wouldn't necessarily expect it to be joint but would hope some of it would pay for a joint holiday or similar joint plan.

I think if you aren't married then it would be individual rather than shared money. The fact he doesn't want to share fits with this total lack of commitment not just to you but also to your children. I would give him a get married or I am leaving ultimatum.

This actually happened to me a few years ago. I am married with children. I decided to split it equally four ways, with the teenage children's portions put in their accounts that they cannot access until the age of 18. Both my husband and I treated ourselves to things we wanted and also paid off our small credit card balances off.

together nearly 15 years, not married, split bills 50/50, if I won £10k I would keep it, but then I would probably spend it on home improvements and a holiday for us anyway.

He did win some money once, only £1k, he used it towards the double glazing

Hmmmm interesting

I won 5 k last year and I was up for doing something as a family - but we have really little kids and we do loads of family hols already - my friend was going to New York for a week and my husband told me to just go do that with her for myself - was amazing

but we had nothing needing doing in the house and we’d only been on a big family holiday a few months before so the money and the bathroom had been done a few months before so we weren’t stuck for cash at the time

otherwise I likely wouldn’t have went

If I got my mitts on 10k I wouldn't even tell anyone.
I'd put it in an emergency fund.

So have you spoken to him about why he cannot afford the family holiday? If he was going to use savings for the family holiday and then seeing the win as a bonus and going on a lads holiday then I would see that as acceptable.

This! The 10k is a red herring. His selfish attitude speaks to a bigger problem.

🤣 Correct! (According to mumsnet laws).

Read your update. You need to get your finances in order and leave. He priorited his friends over you. He not going to marry you