To feel smothered and annoyed by love interest

You're not that into her and that's perfectly okay, I doubt you'll suddenly grow strong feelings for her now or feel chemistry, and you won't be able to overcome the ick.

Be honest: if you could wave a magic wand and it was over without having to tell her and deal with her feelings or have a long heart to heart, would you? I'm pretty sure you would. I think you're only continuing because atm it's easier than her blowing up.

Just let her know via message you're not feeling it any longer and although you've enjoyed your time together you wish her well and feel it's best you both move forward separately.

Dear god, OP. I just saw your post about all the things she has in your house. Honestly, I'd just end it now. This will NOT improve in time. It will get even more intense and bonkers. If you stay with her you'll end up resenting her terribly but it will be even harder to extricate yourself.

Please, for your sanity, just end it.

You’re not really a good fit as she wants to see you all the time and you want space. You obv want different things, so maybe just keep the friendship before it goes too far and you ‘split’ acrimoniously.

Definitely don’t do the “cool off” thing. You need to end it. If you’re not excited and happy and loving every minute at this point, it’s dead in the water.

Not to mention the list of cons is just overwhelming obvious that this isn’t going to work.

She sounds like a psychopath! It also doesn’t sound like you like her very much anyway so what’s the problem? Just block her

She's not a good listener. You've told her a number of things, some of them very clearly (e.g. the posting you on social media thing), and she has ignored and disrespected what you said. She's not paying heed to how you feel about things if it's not in line with her wishes.

Unless you are good at saying no, meaning no, and enacting no if she ignores your wishes, I think this is risky relationship.

She sounds absolutely insufferable. A lot of the ‘pros’ you listed could also be explained by lovebombing. Her manipulative silent treatment when she doesn’t get her own way along with the controlling behaviour around phone calls tells me this will only get worse. I agree with pp’s that she is likely to become a nightmare if/when you break up with her. Even if you try to back off gently, expect some ‘emergency’ to occur with her begging you to help.

My advice would be to dump her now and block her everywhere. Make any excuse you need to. Ignore her inevitable hissy fit and get a good camera for your home if she really escalates.

Read your further posts now
I'm sorry but at this stage if you don't break up with her now you will have only yourself to blame. It's ridiculous that you are still trying to get her to back off. The woman is dangerous.

YABU because you are an adult and have agency. Why are you letting someone mither you? Just say no.

TBH I would end it. You're not compatible.

Dumping people is awful. For the dumper and the dumped. But it has to be done. In this case, the break has to be a clean one. Jagged edges will only prolong the agony. Help yourself by reminding yourself that a month ago, you hadn't met this person. You owe her nothing except clarity.

She sounds like a U-Haul lesbian. I'm surprised she hasn't moved in, and she's probably surprised that she hasn't either.

It sounds like you are on different wave lengths. Especially if the chemistry isn't quite right.

More red flags than a communist parade! She's not nice - she's hugely controlling. It will only get worse.

You asked if this is her fundamental personality and then listed several massive red flags that make her sound even worse than your OP. What are you doing here? This is clearly a nightmare and you don't want to be in it. What's stopping you?

Too much, too soon OP! Maybe explain once more that she’s coming on too strong, if she doesn’t get the hint, time to say goodbye.

10 calls a day? Jaysus, I’d be so suffocated. My now DH once sat on my doorstep waiting for me and I had to tell him that I had a life (early days of dating) and felt constrained by his behaviour.

I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is the relationship for you. It will repress who you are and you’re just beginning to enjoy independence. You don’t sound like you’re particularly enjoying this. You don’t want to be with her every minute and the sex isn’t great from what you say. Think about why you’re still seeing her.

Agreed. She's nuts.

OP, you say you've been in therapy to work on your boundaries. I think perhaps you could do with a bit more of that because right now you're being very naive and frankly you sound quite vulnerable to this woman.

It doesn't sound like she's respectful of your boundaries - continuing to post about you on social media after you've expressly told her not to is enough of a red flag to end a relationship at your stage.

If you don't want to end it now, I think you need to be really clear with her re what you want - you can do this kindly, by saying e.g. "if it's ok with you I'd like a few hours to myself now - could we catch up later?" Rather than dropping hints like "well it's been really nice hanging out" which frankly I would not appreciate in her shoes, or agreeing to go somewhere and then just being grumpy. If you've been really clear with her and this doesn't change, it's time to finish it before you get too entangled in it, because it won't end well.

Fuck me, I’m feeling smothered just reading about her!

I got the ick just reading your OP.

I’m pretty easy going / laid back, but it really gets my back up when people act entitled to my time. It makes me feel claustrophobic, but I can deal
with that if they back off when I tell them.

But you are telling her (politely) to back off and she is trampling right over your boundaries. That would be a hard no from me and I’d be giving her short shrift.

Out of interest, what are the sexual icks you don’t think will change? Understand if you don’t want to answer, just intrigued as I’m straight and have got the ick from men sexually, but can’t imagine what a woman could do to put me off. Appreciate you may not want to answer though!

@Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread Crikey, I'm feeling seriously claustrophobic just reading your posts.

Your list has more cons than pros, especially when you consider that most of the pros are what anyone would expect from a reasonable friendship anyway.

She is riding roughshod over your boundaries, expects you to do what she wants, and will not take no for an answer. As soon as you put your foot down, she's going to throw teddy out of the pram and that will just confirm that you've made the right decision in backing off.

Oh dear god she is straight out of the abusers text book

They are always attentive, thoughtful and generous at the start
4 weeks in already its red flag central, usually they mask for longer
She isnt just testing your boundaries. She is stamping all over them

This is extremely worrying , agree that this looks like cluster b. Likely very unstable and has learnt to use " anxious attachment" as an excuse for her behaviour

Oh, this is so ridiculous.

It's colossally obvious that you're hugely incompatible and this is an insane level of angst about someone you've literally only been dating for ONE MONTH.

She's not 'kind and thoughtful', she's clingy, difficult and she ignores your boundaries FFS. She's not going to get any less clingy or difficult. She's a nightmare of a woman and you need to dump her before she suffocates you to the point where it's emotionally abusive.

Your list of 'pros' are minor things. Your list of 'cons' are massive things.

You're talking about this situation as if you have no control over it and it's just something that's happening to you. Why are you being so passive about all this?

I’m going to say it needs to cool off

For fuck's sake, you must be able to see that just telling her it 'needs to cool off' isn't going to help?? It's going to make her a million times worse. You already know she has an anxious attachment style - you think she is going to take 'we need to cool things off' at face value and just chill? No, she isn't. She is going to obsess over it and IT WILL MAKE HER BEHAVIOUR MUCH WORSE.

Just fucking dump her. Jeez.

I'm sorry if I sound incredibly frustrated here. It's because I am.