To feel smothered and annoyed by love interest

Omg, I'd run!

If you can’t tell her face to face, then send her a message or write her a card.
Something like…..

Hi,
I owe it to you to tell you what’s on my troubled mind.

You are kind thoughtful and attentive as well as attractive and I do like you.
What I don’t like is you being overbearing and/or ignoring my boundaries.eg including me on social media posts and having me meet your parents.

I like my own company very much for the moment and don’t want to lose that so seeing you once, maybe twice a week is as much as I can message.
I know you prefer more frequent contact than that so I’m wondering if we are at all compatible.
Your increasing need for a more intense friendship is something I find just too suffocating.
I really have to slow things right down and have more time to myself.
I’m just not happy with how things are at the moment. It’s too much too soon.

I do understand if my preferred snails pace friendship isn’t what you are looking for and if you want to leave things all together rather than make the adjustments.

Please don’t make plans for me to join you on your upcoming trip. I really need some time to myself now.

Maybe just text her and say something like:

”Hi X, I wanted you to know that I’m really enjoying getting to know you and spending time with you for the last few weeks. Before we started dating, I had made a real effort to start enjoying my own company and it’s important to my mental health to spend some time alone just pursuing my hobbies, relaxing and sorting out life admin etc. Going forward, I am going to start spending 1/2 of my days off/evenings off per week making sure I keep that going and spend some time alone. The other 1/2 days/evenings per week I really want to fill with fun plans with you, maybe a pub quiz/sip and paint/ dinner/ film night or whatever - let’s get some dates in the diary for nice date nights! What do you think?”

If she was a man you would be told to get out now

She can’t change, and won’t so you need to end it.
A new relationship should be exciting and fun. It shouldn’t make you feel like this, now or in the future.

She sounds unstable, manipulative and, if someone had posted these behaviours in a man, everyone would be telling you how dangerous and stalky this person is. You've been dating her for only a few weeks and she has trampled on every boundary you've set. She is not a good person, she might not even be a safe person, for your mental health if nothing else. Telling her to cool it a bit is not going to work. She's already shown that she does not respect what you want. She is only going to get more enmeshed and more possessive. Get rid of her now, bluntly and unambiguously.

Omg, i would end it now. Insecure attachment is an understatement. I wouldnt engage with this at all

This is going to get so much worse OP unless you put a stop to it now!

Anyone who says you’re ruining the “vibe” (or who uses that word at all) is being undercover manipulative.

We’re all free to say you don’t want to do something. You’re not responsible for a “vibe” you didn’t want. I’d bin this one.

You are on the right track. You are acknowledging to yourself what the problem is. That's the best you can do until the right one comes along.

Oh god, no. You don't need this weird clingy borderline psycho shit.

Ditch and run like the wind.

You've only been dating a month, yet she's carrying on, as if you're in a long-term relationship. You seem to want a casual arrangement, and nothing particularly serious. Clearly, a casual arrangement isn't what this woman is looking for. She wants a full blown relationship with bells and whistles. You aren't on the same page at all. Being lovely, is great, but she's obviously too intense for you, and it's now irritating.

You've tried the softly softly approach, and she's not listening to you. I think you need to be honest with her...we don't want the same kind of relationship, so it's better we don't see each other again, because we're wasting each others time.

Walk away. Block. Don't see her again. You don't owe this woman anything, especially after only a month.

Someone who tramples all over your boundaries is not kind and lovely. Her behaviour is shocking and entitled.

I could not handle a relationship like that. You don’t even want to be in a relationship! She is steam rolling all over your boundaries. She says she can be jealous. This is only going to get worse. Time to dump her and get your agency back! It sounds utterly smothering.

You are being unreasonable to even consider continuing any relationship (or otherwise) with this person. As PP said, I would bin and move on. So many red flags.

You’re already second guessing what she is trying to do with meeting parents and analysing her motives. At the start of a relationship with someone you’re into you should want to spend time with them and in most cases, it’s easy and not anxious. I would say this isn’t going to work out.

This a hundred times! That expression sums her up perfectly!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It sounds like love bombing.

all you need to do is text her and say

'this relationship is over. please arrange to collect your belongings at x time'

no sorry, no asking for space like you need her permission, no leeway no nothing.

and you say you have had therapy to work on boundaries. sorry but it has failed.

You're incompatible and you know it.
Move on and don't waste her time - it's not fair.

im not sure how me spending 4 days and 4 nights consecutively every week constitutes to me not wanting to spend time with her? I know married people who see each other less! Once or twice a week would be great.

I absolutely understand this @Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread my OH & I don't live together, I have a son (8) who lives with me & he has a son (15) who lives with his mam, we see each other pretty much every weekend when my son is with his dad, we're together a good few years at this stage & this really works, we talk to each other during the week but I can't say that when Monday morning comes along & he closes the door behind him it's a slight relief & like a recalibration of "now I'm in mammy & teacher mode" for the week, I love him & I know he does too but I can absolutely understand your feelings of being smothered ESPECIALLY this early on

She is very full on not least that she wouldn't leave, moving rooms & making you have to be borderline rude is not cool

You've already tried to say relax not least about the social media posts & she hasn't so I'd have to agree with pp & say she's not the one for you, good luck & yeah I second getting a ring doorbell too 💐

I agree with this.

But the longer you leave it the worse she’s going to be.

As a pp said, keep it all about you. “This isn’t what I’m after at the moment, all the best.” Don’t criticise her. Don’t give her ammunition as I get the impression she has the potential to turn quite nasty.

Just be pleasant and breezy and grey rock her.

Suffocating.

She will probably dump you after a few months of this intensity. It’s kind of typical behaviour.

Yeah, you might like things about her but there clearly are way too many things you don't (extremely reasonably!) for this to work. She does sound incredibly possessive and boundary-busting, I would wager she would quite likely become controlling and abusive if you were to continue. Run!