To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

Exactly as long as they both concent. Its also why there are things like sexual heath clinics for teenagers. And why its kept confidential. Why teenagers are taught about safe sex.

The could do this at home anyway. All they have to do is sneak off to the park/field/other. Talk to your son about being safe, make sure he has all the information he needs and be there for him to talk to you if he needs too.

if he wants too he will. That’s all I can say

Total over reaction to want to cancel the holiday! I’m surprised you’re shocked they are a couple to be honest, sounds like they have grown up together and this relationship has happened pretty naturally. It may last forever, might not. I’d enjoy the holiday because next year if they have broken up they probably won’t want one

Exactly, you have to be over the age of consent to be considered mature enough to give consent

Why would you cancel? They will do wha th runway regardless at least on holiday you can ensure they are safe

There is an age of consent for a reason

Someone underage is incapable of giving consent.

I agree. With you.

He’s lied to you because he knows you overreact. If you want your son to be open and honest with you you need to accept this is a normal part of growing up, he’s kept it from you and told you why and only you can change your reactions. Keeping secrets is never good and he doesn’t feel like he can confide in you that would be my biggest worry at his age, go on holiday but make sure they aren’t really alone and talk to him about safe sex, consent and appropriate age

I can understand why this feels awkward, especially with the holiday planned. But if the kids already get along and you normally holiday together, cancelling might create more drama than necessary. I’d focus on open conversations about relationships and safety rather than punishing them for liking each other.

It's not generally considered a prosecutable offence when they are both of similar age, the legal ramifications kick in if one is say 17 and the other is significantly younger

So is he. This is generally not considered a prosecutable offence if the teenagers are the same age, it's if, say, a 17 year old is having sex with someone considerably younger.

They're 14, they might have split up by the time your holiday comes! These things fizzle out quite quickly, usually. Then it's going to be more awkward because they are exes 🙈

I wouldn't cancel the holiday. This is all normal teenage curiosity. And I agree with pp, the more you try to stop it the more attractive it becomes to them

Of course you would.

OP is a good mother - so the holiday won’t be happening

There's a difference between having an agreement about checking his phone usage and snooping personal messages.

If they are already having sex then you haven't been able to supervise them 24/7 at home either so a holiday doesn't make much difference!

If you believe him and they aren't having sex but just a normal teenage bf/ gf situation then 'punishing' them and cancelling a holiday seems very unfair.

I would prioritise your relationship with your son so he feels like he can tell you things and not hide them (because he thinks you'll over react!)

Honestly, they will find a way if they are determined, you'll just force them into lying, deleting messages and having sex in unsavoury places!

Yes, it is illegal. They are both under 16.

If you consider yourself a good female role model, you should be engineering a, no pressure, chat with the girl. However this is a lot of pressure because if one wants to split, they may not, because of the adult friendship fall out. You need to make it clear to both of them that no sides will be taken. Then talk it over with her father and decide if it makes a difference to the holiday. Let's not pretend that some Dads deal with their daughter's sex lives on a completely different level to their son's, so perhaps don't mention the condom to her father, but discuss it with her. She doesn't need shaming, don't assume you know how her Dad will view this.

So is he.

Fed up with posts like this that make up the laws regarding teen sex to what they want them to be not what they are.

I don't see why the holiday needs to be cancelled, why is sex more likely then than any other time when you are not around?

Are they year 9 or year 10 ?

I can’t believe some of the responses on this thread. They are 14, not 16 or 17, 14! The girls DF needs to know, not least because if the condoms didn’t work the DP of the girl always ends up doing the heavy lifting with any future baby. It’s hardly sweet when it could result in a 14 year old having an abortion. Tell the DF all the facts that you know and make a decision together about the holiday.

I would say to tackle this before you get there. Nothing worse than a big show down on holiday which might spoil everyone's relationship.

Then, at least you can go away having set boundaries. Involve the girl's father of course.

For a moment lets assume that they in fact aren't having sex. Is there any reason they shouldn't be going out together and why didn't they feel able to tell their parents this? Obviously if they are that complicates things but I get the impression you wouldn't be happy with this relationship even if they weren't.

It parenting, not babysitting

As long as your not going on holiday where underage sex between kids will land them I. Jail.

I think it's great that you are going through his phone OP, and trying to make sure he is safe. I know a lot of mums who do this, and i think this is what responsible parenting is.

I would tell your ds to let his gf know that she had until this Sunday to tell her dad about their relationship, if not, you're going to tell her dad yourself. The dad can't be the only one kept in the dark about this, that'd be very unfair on him. He'd also feel that you have betrayed his trust. I think the children are having sex or are planning to, which is not on, and he is lying to you. If he was genuine, he wouldnt have denied the condom was his, in the first instance. This is all sorts of wrong, and needs to be nipped in the bud by both parents, together. Both their futures will take a downwards trajectory, if they are allowed to (literally) fuck around at 14. A good role model will not allow this. And the dad, as a single parent, especially, needs to know, so he can keep an eye on his daughter, and make sure he doesnt have a teenage pregnancy on his hands. Don't let your DS pull wool over your eyes. I think, both adults need to discuss together what to do with the holiday plans. I don't think it's going to be a very relaxing holiday, now that their relationship has come to light.

Yanbu. Unless you’re going to lock them in their rooms at night (obviously you wouldn’t) then there’s no way you can keep an eye on them 24/7 so I think a holiday together is too much risk.
People wouldn’t let a 14 year old boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over at each other’s houses and going on holiday together is essentially the same thing - temptation and opportunity night after night.