To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

I wouldn't agree to go on the holiday unless it was in an above board fashion and your mutual children were open about the fact that they are dating. That would be a crappy thing to do to your friend.

Illicit relationships are often more attractive for that very reason so the cold light of day may also make it less appealing than sneaking around being "romantic"

I would have thought that having "the talk" on holidays re consequences of unwanted pregnancy irrespective of whether you think they are sleeping together would also be a bit of wake up call.

Our local safeguarding board states:

The age of consent or the legal age to have sex in the UK is 16. The laws are there to protect children and not to prosecute under 16s who have mutually consenting sexual activity. Any sort of sexual contact without consent is illegal, regardless of the age of those involved. Children under 13 cannot legally consent to any type of sexual activity.

The point is whether sexual activity is consensual- and I am not sure why only OP’s son could be prosecuted?

You should still go. He may have tried it on and been too embarrassed to tell you 🤷‍♀️ But isn’t it better that he practices in private so that when the time comes, he’s confident and no rips occur. Especially small ones that could go unnoticed…

If they can be together while on holiday then they can definitely be together while not on holiday. I would go, I would tell the Dad and I would keep a close eye.

Well no-one’s going to disagree with that - but some kids, who know they can trust their parents, choose not to tell them nonetheless.

Sex doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it brings with it emotions that can be a lot to handle at that age, and kids need support and guidance to deal with them as well as optimal info on contraception as opposed to teen myths from the bike sheds
Hence much better parenting to build a trusting relationship with their parent so they feel they can be open up to them about it rather than making them feel terrible and secretive about their choices.

A sample of 1 isn’t really enough
Of course it isn't, but posters are making generalisations here without enquiring on the maturity of these two teenagers, so it goes both ways.

And 15 is a whole extra year of life
Or just one day 😁

A sample of 1 isn’t really enough. And 15 is a whole extra year of life. I grew up in London and loads of young teens were having sex around me. Some were mature enough to cope some weren’t. While it all seemed fine at the time, I learned the consequences of early sexual activity from experience. Older and wiser I now see the drawbacks of sex at that age. So my advice to my kids is very different to the advice I gave my friends at the time.

Sex doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it brings with it emotions that can be a lot to handle at that age, and kids need support and guidance to deal with them as well as optimal info on contraception as opposed to teen myths from the bike sheds.

Wow you’re fighting really hard to justify why it’s ok for 2 kids of 14yrs to be having sex
Each generation endorse different values, however, people are the same with similar feelings.

I'm in my 50s and having sex at 14 in my generation was considered young but not rare. They were usually the kids who were the most mature. My best friend was just turned 15 when she had sex with her boyfriend. It was completely consensual and they knew what they were doing. She went to her gp and asked for the pill. They seemed soooooo grown up to me! No trauma at all. They were together for 3 years. Their parents were middle class caring parents. She didn't get pregnant, they separated when they went to different uni. Both had new relationships, married and happy.

So why are things so different nowadays and All kids assumed to be way too young to emotionally cope with having sex?

The holiday is a side issue, you need to discuss this with her dad given that they’re both minors. Mortifying for them both, but necessary.

Then see how her dad feels about setting boundaries, going on holiday together.

It’s understandable to feel concerned, but cancelling the holiday might make the situation feel more dramatic than it needs to be. At 14, it’s quite normal for teens to start dating, and since they already get along well, it may be better to keep things as normal as possible while setting clear boundaries and having open conversations about relationships, respect, and safety. Rather than hiding it, it might be wise to gently mention it to your friend so you’re both on the same page as parents, but in a calm way that doesn’t make the teens feel they’ve done something wrong for simply liking each other.

BrainyKraken
Go on the holiday
You've more than likely really earned it
But
Have eyes in the back of your head!

I don't think you should cancel without at least speaking to your friend first. Would you like someone to cancel a holiday you were going on without even speaking to you first?

Double post in error

Well you said the other parent is a close friend so just be straight about what you found then the decision is mutual. If you don't go they'll understand why and if you do you'll both keep a close eye. Consequences of actions for the kiddos.

Realistically, it is more likely the father who decides to cancel the holiday. Its his daughter who will have the potential knock on problems.
& there is no way you can go on this holiday without the father knowing his daughter may get pregnant by your son, & you knew.

Go on the holiday

On holiday, realistically you should be supervising them. I wouldn’t leave my 14 year old unattended in a foreign country while I, say, went to the pub. We’d be doing this as a family and sharing a room and I’d notice if mine went missing. You use the term ‘friend’ but are you and the dad proper friends or are you euphemistically using the term? Unless you and dad are sneaking off to shag on holiday and using the kids as entertainment for each other, none of this should be a worry.

As a friend though, yes, I’d tell him what your ds told you. I wouldn’t go into detail about the condom because you truly don’t know if that means anything (my dd did the condom and banana thing in school the other week so really could be he’s embarrassed but being honest). The greatest risk is that they will break up before the holiday and then it will be a lot of drama and grumpiness the whole time.

You should tell her dad.
I'd still go on the holiday.

I have the law exits to protect underage teens from adults
Its not in the public interest to prosecute two 14 year olds for having consensual sex with each other

Mad how times have changed... 40 now but at 14 I was having sex with my 17 year old boyfriend and clubbing at least twice a week. My mum however knew about all of it because I was honest (and she couldn't really stop me when she did the same as it was my own money) - if she hadn't 'permitted' it I would have found a way to do it anyway and then our relationship would probably have become incredibly damaged.

@MyDeftDuck the guidance across all of the UK is clear - sexual activity between children who are close in age and understanding should not automatically result in prosecution. Crown Prosecution Service (CPS), 2021

Do feel free to actually read up on it yourself.

I assume on Tik Tok where all the other bullshit is.

There is no way they would end up on the SOR, why makes such stuff up?

Some of these responses are crazy.

No 14 year old is going to prison for a relationship with another 14 year old.

The law is there to protect children from abuse or exploitation. It is not designed to unnecessarily criminalise children. Guidance across the UK makes it clear that sexual activity between children who are close in age and understanding should not automatically result in prosecution. Instead, a range of factors should be considered to determine whether it would be in the public interest. E.g violence or coercion.

I would not want my 14 yo having sex because of the risks it carries, nothing to do with the law!

Equally I fully understand that teenagers are starting to get "urges" for lack of a better term. It would be great if we could encourage them to explore it safely and not make it a shameful "YOU DID A BAD THING" conversation. However I fear I would pull a Violet Bridgerton and not be able to get a word out.

I want my children to grow in to happy healthy adults with happy healthy attitudes to sex, and that is going to start at puberty

Welcome — Teen Health 11 - 19 Service teen health has lots of practical non judgemental non-pearl clutchy advice for teens, I would suggest you and your son have a look at it together if possible. Go over why sex is risky as well as some of nicer things about sex, and why perhaps being a bit older makes more sense. Snogging is just as fun at that age!

Read up on it for yourself