To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

I do hope that the DD wasn't pressured into anything. Let's face it, it's usually boys doing the pressuring. And the poor girl doesn't even have a mother to confide in.

She's an underage child who deserves a holiday without being expected to have sex. You should withdraw from the holiday.

OP, do the decent thing and tell her dad. You have no idea how having sex at her age might have affected her. It might even be an unhealthy bid for affection, since she has no mum. Your son won't be prosecuted. Do your part to safeguard this young girl from things she might not be ready for.

I think prosecution happens where an older person, even someone who's 16, say, can be prosecuted for having sex with someone who's 13. I read about it yesterday due to this thread, and having sex with a 13-year-old carries a possible life sentence for the older party, even if they are young too.

Example: some of the charges in this case are because the perpetrator had sexual activity with a girl aged 13-15 when he himself was under 18.

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/clyxrprv5n2o

Some states in the US have what's referred to as Romeo and Juliet laws:

Key Details Regarding "Romeo and Juliet" Laws:

• Purpose: These laws aim to stop the prosecution of teenagers in consensual, age-appropriate relationships, preventing them from being labeled as sex offenders.
• Age Requirements:
• While they vary by state, these laws generally apply when both partners are minors, or one is slightly over 18 (e.g., 17 and 19) and the age difference is small, often defined as 3 to 4 years
• .
• State Variability: Over 30 states have adopted some form of these exemptions, but they are not uniform across the U.S..
• Exceptions: In states without these laws, such as California, all sexual activity with a minor is considered statutory rape, regardless of how close in age the partners are.
• Penalties: Without these laws, individuals can face felony charges, mandatory sex offender registration, and severe long-term consequences.

Personally I feel there should be deterrents for children having sex. Their parents should be fined or the kids should be made to do community service in the school holidays, or something. AOC laws exist for a reason, not only to stop exploitation but also because children are too young to deal with all the practical and emotional consequences of sex. The consequences should be scary enough to stop underage boys from pressuring underage girls for sex. The consequences are clear for adults doing that, but randy underage teenage boys need some fear, if you ask me. Maybe the threat of military school. 😄

Holidays are supposed to be fun and relaxing and if you have to micromanage them to stop them from sleeping with each other at every chance they get then yes, I wouldn’t go either

When I was 14, I used to think I was so much older than I was and now that I’m so much older I think 14-year-old are just children. so yeah, he’ll probably hate you if you stop him from seeing her, but you need to either put a stop to it otherwise you’ll have a teenage pregnancy or teach him to be respectful to women so that their relationship lasts. I don’t know.
He’s slept with her now so it’s too late

Can you find any case precedent fields a prosecution in these circumstances though? I cannot and seriously doubt it would be. Which would be prosecuted?

As I explained up thread, it's not a dichotomy between jail or no consequences. There are grey areas. The legal situation puts the parents and each child in positions where they could face a lot of censure from various authorities.

ETA. I wrote:

Although both are committing a criminal offence, it's very unlikely either of them will be charged for statutory rape, although they could be, in theory. Children under 16 cannot consent to sex, which is why it's still statutory rape even if both consent. They're both rapists, technically.

Of course that's ridiculous, but the real issue is that each is leaving themselves open to accusations of statutory rape from the other if sour grapes occur. Not to mention the fact that the adults are leaving themselves open to Social Services involvement if they are seen to be allowing these two children to have sex and doing nothing to stop it. Imagine they go to a GP for the Pill. They could report the parents if the kids say that the parents know about it, as it's a safeguarding issue.

So no, the children won't be thrown in jail, but there's absolutely potential for hassle due to the AOC. Honestly, who needs it? Just tell these two that they are breaking the law and they are too young. Ground them. They've lost their privileges.

They're both 14, I thought the OP said.

Twist things? You think they're not having sex? If so, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

They are both children ,she's the older child ,stop trying to twist things
You have nonidea of the facts .

The lawe exists to protect vulnerable minors from being exploited by adults not to punish two 14 years from having consensual sex.

It would be sexual activity with a child which both of them are culpable of
And it wouldn't be in the public interest to prosecute either of them

Most Americans are lovely. Almost 70% of the electorate did NOT vote for Trump. And I'm sure far fewer than 30% of the electorate would have voted for him had they known what he would do. His approval ratings tumbled after ICE started, tumbled again after the two murders by ICE, and have fallen again after Venezuela, Greenland, and now Iran. He ran on a promise to focus resources on America and not abroad.

I know there's a contingent of crazy far-right Americans, but most aren't.

I think the last sentence is the key to this whole dilemma

Breaking her son's trust? He's broken the law by committing a criminal offence! So has she, except he had a much better time than her with far fewer potential consequences.

Don't cancel the holiday.

Have a serious talk with DS about sex, consent and the age of consent. Include talking about statutory rape in very black & white terms - someone who is under the age of consent is not considered capable of making a free decision to consent and therefore anyone who has sex with them is committing rape even if the young person is appearing to consent. If they are convinced that they will wait till they are older before they start shagging then it's fine to still holiday together.

Of course it’s not ok.

But telling the dad is breaking the son’s trust. She’ll regret that forever if she does it.

If they’re already having sex they’re going to do that whether they’re on holiday or not

OP, you’re neither minimising nor over reacting. Be concerned, talk to him about how sex at his age is both inappropriate and very risky, let them enjoy the holiday but keep an incredibly close eye on them.

They are children, so the parents are obliged to stuff that genie back in the bottle or face safeguarding checks from Social Services if they find out.

And I agree - I would be furious at the friend under the circs you imagine. Actually, OP would be out of luck with me altogether, because if I had a DD who was 14 and I found out that her boy had penetrated my sweet, innocent child and exposed her to pregnancy and depression and cervical cancer and emotions well beyond the scope of her years, I would raise the fucking roof, to be honest.

The male has the active part, we all know how it works, and we all know that PIV feels significantly better for males than females. We all know that he's getting his most sensitive part thoroughly stimulated from all sides which is the precise reason he's guaranteed an orgasm, whereas her relevant nerve centre is some way from the action and her orgasm is VERY FAR FROM GUARANTEED. PIV is NOT equal the vast majority of the time, and I do so wish that society would stop pretending that PIV is this marvellously equal experience for both sexes. It CAN be, but when it's between adults and usually when the parties are experienced and when the female speaks up for her pleasure. Not for nothing is the common female reaction "Is that it?" after losing their virginity, whereas the man feels like he's glimpsed heaven. So I do blame the boy more, actually. He had far, far more to gain than her, especially from penetrating a child, since I highly doubt that he has the faintest idea how to make it good for her. On the other hand, all he has to do to get off is stick it in. These are the biological and mechanical facts that, for some reason, we don't like to admit. And then she's left with the worry of pregnancy and hoping her period shows up. Just what evert 14-year-old girl should be focussed on!! Yeah, I would go mental if I was her dad.

This is child sex, since they are WELL under the age of consent. Teenage sex is 16-19.

I said son because I was addressing the OP and it's her child, who happens to be the son. I've said on other messages on this thread that both of them are committing a criminal offence. No sexism here - you can stand down, soldier! 🤭😄

Although both are committing a criminal offence, it's very unlikely either of them will be charged for statutory rape, although they could be, in theory. Children under 16 cannot consent to sex, which is why it's still statutory rape even if both consent. They're both rapists, technically.

Of course that's ridiculous, but the real issue is that each is leaving themselves open to accusations of statutory rape if sour grapes occur. Not to mention the fact that the adults are leaving themselves open to Social Services involvement if they are seen to be allowing these two children to have sex and doing nothing to stop it. Imagine they go to a GP for the Pill. They could report the parents if the kids say that the parents know about it.

So no, the children won't be thrown in jail, but there's absolutely potential for hassle due to the AOC. Honestly, who needs it? Just tell these two that they are breaking the law and they are too young. Ground them. They've lost their privileges.

Although my threat to call the police was not an idle one, I didn't give any serious thought to what they would have done. Thinking about it now, I imagine nothing or separate chats with DD and the boy. Certainly not a prosecution.

you are being very prudish about teenage sex so I thought you are an American

What do you imagine the police would have done?

Written for teens https://lawstuff.org.uk/sex-health-drugs/age-of-consent/.

When we went out for the evening leaving my DD at home, aged 15, with a boy aged 15 who wasn't quite a boyfriend and wasn't quite a platonic friend, I said to both of them, injecting levity: 'Some things are not legal until you are 16. If you do those things at 15, you will be breaking the law and I will report you to the police'.

I did not delude myself and knew they would do what they liked, as anyone would at their age, but being a bit outrageous and embarrassing is better in my book than being furtive and evasive.

Lots of people assuming the kids are having sex based on a bit of condom wrapped in the laundry. did I miss something?

of course the dad needs to know but unless I missed a post there is no confirmation that they were having sex.

OP I wonder if you feel it’s a bit incestuous because you have been a female role model to the girl and your friend has been an uncle like figure to your DS. But it’s not incestuous is it? What is your relationship to the girl’s father?

Her dad absolutely needs to know @BrainyKraken This is not a childish thing like a dare to skip afternoon school that you might turn a blind eye to one time.

These children are playing condom roulette with a pregnancy risk.
There must be several places the two of them can go for guidence and contraceptive advice, like Doctors surgery or local clinic.

I am not a cool mum and find 14 years old to be very young. But see that the Genie can't be put back in the bottle.
If a friend of mine condoned and enabled my 14 year old child in a sexual relationship by keeping it secret, I would be furious with that 'so called' friend.