To cancel holiday with friend after what I found out?

Don't cancel the holiday. That feels really unfair and could backfire.

Gather your feelings, get to a calm place and then tell your friend, the dad. I don't think this is a big deal. If they desperately wanted to sleep together, they will find a way. So don't shoot yourself in the foot.

Have a good think about how you can keep an eye on things, rules, and some way to address the fear of sneaking into rooms. I'd plan it all with the dad friend, agree joint approach then both tell the kids together.

Ha ha. Really wanting an update about how the dad of the 14 year old girl takes it.

I'd be really upset if I found out my DC was having sex at that age...

But reading your post and my first thought was if they did have sex at least they were sensible in using a condom.

Your DS will have girlfriends so I'd let the relationship run, you know her so it's bound to feel a bit strange.

I don't think I'd cancel the holiday but I would let the girls dad know, he may already, but it would be with my DS knowledge that I did so.

The only problem I can see is if they split up in future how that will affect the friendship between you all.

Yes I looked it up since I posted, 13 and under is the prosecutable age.

OP's son and his GF are 14.

What's the accommodation set-up @BrainyKraken A suite/condo with bedrooms or adjoining hotel rooms?

Regardless, why does the kids' relationship need to be a secret? Isn't it kind of sweet how it came to be? Why not tell your ds that, ask for details and share his happiness? Let him know other parent should know as well. Chat with the dad about it. Honestly, I can't see the problem, you all know each other really well, so it sounds like an ideal first love situation.
Make sure the kids have all the info they need and that you've had the talk with your son. 🤷‍♀️

Prosecuted? Not sure how true that is

Why should she trust him? He lied about it not being his condom.

Total knee jerk reaction from you - he will just hide better now. Why not have a chat and try and see if you can come to a compromise about not having sex until obvs the right time - he’s very very young and it’s illegal - you trust your son don’t you?

At that age I remember getting condoms in PHSE we were learning how to put them on a banana. & all about safe sex. Some of my classmates took some of the condoms at the end of the lesson. So he could well be telling the truth about that.
Why cancel the holiday? I don’t see any reason to. They won’t be sharing a bed, will they. You could let the girl’s parents know they’re possibly seeing eachother and let them keep an eye out too. But at that age they’re still pretty childlike. What’s the harm in letting them spend a nice few days together, under your watchful eye.

Just tell the dad everything you’ve written here and make a decision together about the holiday.

No need to keep secrets if no one’s done anything wrong and no need to make decisions about the holiday by yourself.

It’s better to model honesty and openness rather than secrecy and shame.

What's the issue, @BrainyKraken? Why do you feel that you need to cancel the holiday?

You're also snooping in your son's phone, which isn't ideal.

Parents are supposed to check their children's phones. The parents who don't are the reason why governments are bringing in under 16yr bans 🙄

OP - tell your friend that the kids are dating as he might want to cancel the holiday to protect his DD. And I agree with pp, the children are having sex and you need to deal with that properly.

Of course you tell your friend the dad.

the kids having sex is not ok.

Sorry, what?

Are you American or something?

He's told me not to tell her dad

I bet he has

I'm guessing that when he finds out his 14 year old daughter is sleeping with the OP's son, the holiday might be off...

Generally agree with going on the holiday but keeping an eye on them, though there may be some caveats to that advice.

Regardless, I would also tell your friend. He needs to know his DD is dating, and who.

Two children are having sex with each other.

Why can't you all see that this is wrong?!

You didn't find out by accident, you went looking!

Seems an over reaction to cancel a holiday just because the kids are bf/ gf. Presumably they are supervised, with you and her dad on the holiday, not like they have their own room and lots of opportunities for sex? There's no way I'd have been risking sex with both parents in the vicinity!!

Yes I think dad needs to know, unfair if he's the only one who doesn't, but can't see why it's a big deal?

Are you saying it's forbidden for your 14 yo son to date your friend's 14 yo daughter?

If so, why? They're the same age and in a safe environment?

If it's about the condom wrapper, well, - assume you're not banning condoms as that would be counter productive.

You're also snooping in your son's phone, which isn't ideal.

Cancelling the holiday is a bit of an overreaction. And you have responded in the exact way he thought you would. Is it surprising that they have become close when their parents have had them spending so much time together?

This is an excellent moment make sure your son is all across safe sex, consent, trust etc. I know he is only 14 but that's the age when hormones and curiosity explode together. He's going to do it anyway whether you like it or not so all you can do is make sure they are safe and educated.

If they're going to be having sex it's better that they're being safe and in a safe place. You obviously shouldn't encourage it and should have a frank talk with him about consent and waiting until he's older because of the potential legal, physical and emotional risks.

I believed him and I think I still do

He lied to you about it not being his. But now you belive him that he isn't having sex with anyone?!

Two fourteen year olds having sex is a very serious matter, OP. You are minimising this. There are very serious legal ramifications.

Going on holiday is not the issue here. You need to face this. He could be prosecuted.