My neighbour keeps bringing us food - too much?

@FlyingPi , I understand you.

I grew up with this. My mum was an excellent cook and baker - constantly supplying the neighborhood, friends and family with food. Also had friends, family and neighbours do same occasionally.

Now, I do the same - occasionally.

But I couldn't have a neighbour do this every week. It would quickly start to stress me out. I had a colleague at work who did this. The first time, i was pleasantly surprised and appreciated it. By the 4th week, I just had to say it was too much for me.

I guess for some people it would be nice and they like such. For me, it doesn't feel nice (even though it's a lovely gesture).

I'm loving this thread especially everyone's stories of sharing food. It's such an important connection for us as human beings and even more important in a world that is becoming scary and hostile.
My neighbour loves to bake and we are willing recipients of her efforts. She calls herself my kids' fairy godmother as she doesn't have any of her own then gives them spending money with strict instructions to spend it on sweets and not anything sensible 🤣 I've sent over biryani on Eid which she loved. It heartwarming and i love it.

It’s a culture thing! Very similar to Italians who believe you must feed a guest. Hence why you need to take food to an Italians house.

my friend is Aisian and she’s always cooking me food!

I’d find it so hard to say no, but I’d probably try to mention that you’re vegetarian. Can you freeze it and pass onto friends or colleagues? My husband often comes home with bhajis and samosas from a fella he works with, whose mum sends him in with it all boxed up!

Blimey, what a problem to have.
Wish my neighbours would keep turning up bearing bhajis and spring rolls! 😁

I had a Filipino pupil whose mum would bring me home cooked 'packed lunches' with touching regularity; I loved her, and by extension, her son. When he aged out of our setting, she brought in a feast of innumerable dishes, sauces and condiments for the entire staff.

I have a Moroccan family next door to me who do this, started with some food on EID and has been pretty regular since. I think it’s lovely and the food is fab but do feel guilty as I’m not a good enough cook to reciprocate and don’t want them to feel I am making a fuss/creating an obligation by getting them a present. My partner did offer them West Ham tickets once…….

My mum does this for her next door neighbour. He lives on his own and his children have all grown up and moved away. He gets dinner cooked by mum on Eid, Christmas, Birthdays, during ramadan, random Sundays etc. She doesn't expect him to reciprocate but she enjoys cooking and having people enjoy her food. He takes their bins in, parcels if they aren't in, checks on on my dad , trims the hedge between their houses etc.

I don't do it for any of my neighbours. It's just not a habit I wanted to get into and I don’t cook the kind of quantities my mum does. If I've made samosas I give them to my neighbour to freeze as her son likes them.

They are unlikely to expect you to reciprocate.

It's a teaching in the Quran, to feed and look after your close neighbour, and taken quite literally by many. I had the pleasure of this in my last house for a few years, and my neighbour would knock with food at least once a week. Once she insisted I came in to her house for a cup of tea, I expected to drink the tea with her and chat, but she insisted I sat alone at her dining table while she went off and cooked me a neverending stream of small plates of food and absolutely insisting I don't go, and keep eating, I can't remember how I managed to leave in the end, just that it was way past my comfort zone. I do remember in the middle of my feeding she served fish fingers and chips for one of her children and I realised I wasn't getting samples of the family dinner but my own personal banquet. I used to get them tins of chocolate like Celebrations for Eid and for Christmas, and we did things like ask if they wanted anything taking to the tip when we were going and they would ask for favours from us readily like lifts places, so I quickly got comfortable with the plates of food at the door, but I made sure not to accept an offer of a cuppa again. Enjoy, I really miss them!

That is really quite normal. I would love it!

Giving food is something I do as well.

If I have excess, I pass it on

I do know my neighbours well enough to know who's not going to be offended or threatened and will accept it with the grace that is is given

But then my neighbours always share their bounty as well, We call it being neighbourly and looking out for each other

BTW this period in my life was also my heaviest but my god the food, the gorgeous home cooked food, was totally worth it.

I’ll take them OP!

We once briefly lived next door to an Indian family who always brought food over. We are Jewish and are equally as obsessed with feeding people. It became a bit of a (almost competitive) feedathon because we both kept thinking “have to return the favour” 😂

I really miss it actually, my advice OP is to enjoy it and maybe chuck the odd meal their way if you’re able to

I think it’s lovely but also too much. And I do think her weight loss surgery is relevant inasmuch as she gets such pleasure & joy from baking & cooking but is obviously no longer able to eat it. And you’re kind of being expected to - I’d also feel bad throwing it away & not reciprocating. I’d also find a weekly contribution actually a bit intrusive. Not that she means it in this way & it is compared to other neighbourly issues not a bad problem to have!

She really would be better off contributing it to a food charity so no wastage & guaranteed grateful recipients but how do you go about suggesting this? I think the gift for Eid is a great idea.
There’s also the issue that if day you were dieting yourself or having to restrict food for any health reasons receiving a constant supply of possibly (delicious) but high fat /sugary foods quite difficult.

A girl in my halls at uni was like this. Some of my flatmates weren’t keen on “foreign food” but I absolutely loved it. She was very happy to do it as well. At the time I was a horrible cook so I never offered her any food in return I just tried to be a good flatmate in other ways like sometimes doing her dishes, letting her use my staff discount at the pub I worked at, and making her cups of tea. If I were you I’d just try and be a good neighbour, help them with anything they need that plays to your strengths.

You would miss out, I have eaten the most amazing food. My most current neighbours of over a decade do this, but expect nothing in return. We do have nice chats and every few months a cup of tea but nothing demanded.

My last 3 houses have had Asian neighbours and all.three did this. So wonderful. I don't reciprocate other than with the odd slice of cake!

I have a couple of sets of Asian neighbours who occasionally gift me with food, I think it is lovely and I really appreciate it. They always give me something at Eid too

What a lovely, heartwarming thread. Frankly just the thing I needed to read after five days of increasingly awful news and death and destruction. At a small scale, we can get along, we are better than the shit being meted out by horrible men out there.

OP, take it in the spirit intended! If your kids like it then I honestly don't see the problem. Just aim to make her a cake soon or the occasional small gift of flowers - daffodils are a nice thing to pick up some for friends and neighbours at the moment. I think we should all be open to opportunities to foster connections and friendliness, rather than worrying about 'obligation' or that someone else has cooked the food.

Our lovely neighbour is from Hong Kong and she brings us homemade dim sum. It’s absolutely delicious and we return the favour as my husband is Italian so whenever we cook anything Italian we’ll send some over

I can't think of anything worse, I'm really weird about hygiene and other folks cooking.

I tend to hide when bday cake appears at work especially when little snotty 3 year old Oliver was involved in the decorating 😆.

I would feel really uncomfortable about this. I like my neighbours to be people I smile and wave at and who I feel I could bash on their door if there was an emergency. I have watered plants and fed cats for neighbours. But other than that - little contact, which suits me. This is the British way!
I can totally see how it might be nice if you're more unclenched than I am though.
I don't know what I'd do in the OP's shoes - she obviously feels a bit like I do. I wouldn't want to feel obliged to buy presents for people after they've done me kindnesses I didn't ask for and have half-heartedly tried to stop. She obviously doesn't want to be rude.

Easy to say but I can see how it gets annoying very quickly. As the saying goes too much of anything is bad.

Once in a while is fine but while I appreciate her get sure I would very quickly tire of it if she does it constantly and regularly like OP has said.

Smiling because my parents had Indian neighbours that did this although not once a week. Just go with the flow. If you make nice cake or something, take some over. Everyone likes sweets. Maybe get your kid to make something.

My DH and I used to live in a flat with Muslim neighbours. They would often knock on the door with a plate of food for us. We are vegetarian, but I did eat the delicious seasoned rice when it was offered! I used to weed their garden patch which was next to mine, but other than that I accepted what food was offered, and ate whatever was vegetarian. They were very nice people.