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Original poster

Would you be hurt by this?

110 replies

ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 19:48

A close friends young daughter said something strange to me near Xmas.
She heard us talking at a dinner table about saying goodbye to people after they pass & seeing them & i said going into see my Father was so hard & hurt me so much . She then commented to me “Not another sob story is it (with my name)??
I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away.
Tried to speak to friend about it she said shes too young to understand what she said & theres no point speaking to her about it now it’s done 🤨

OP posts:
Peacexbliss · 04/03/2026 20:34

ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:32

Haahhahaha Im sorry what

when did anyone say they were the only one???

it was a conversation speaking about mutual experiences amongst friends your mad

and how can an 8 year old be sick of hearing sob stories make it make sense

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And you come across snappy all about you.
Most of your replies sound nasty, are you one of them that like it all about you and your feelings.
If a 10 year old as said it say something.

DysmalRadius · 04/03/2026 20:33

I don't think there's any way you can be sure that it's something she heard her parents say about you. Kids pick up phrases all the time and try them out to work out what they mean - I got it into my head that 'fellatio' was a fancier form of 'fellow' when I was a kid, and I'm sure my parents never used the word in front of me (or each other probably!) at all, let alone in that context. I think I must have read it somewhere and got the complete wrong end of the stick, as it were.

If this child is often exposed to more adult conversations, then she has probably heard lots of things that she wouldnt have the context to understand and it can be hard to gather the real meaning behind a term that could just be descriptive if you don't understand the snark.

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:32

PineappleMelon · 04/03/2026 20:31

Does this not make you think you tell too many sob stories OP?

Makes me think their probably just like you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:32

Peacexbliss · 04/03/2026 20:30

They know full well what they are saying, because maybe they are sick of hearing sob stories.

I have said the same myself to people, that bang on about things.
Op your not the only one that has had to say goodby neither are you the only one that as seen a dead body.

Haahhahaha Im sorry what

when did anyone say they were the only one???

it was a conversation speaking about mutual experiences amongst friends your mad

and how can an 8 year old be sick of hearing sob stories make it make sense

OP posts:
PineappleMelon · 04/03/2026 20:31

Does this not make you think you tell too many sob stories OP?

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:30

dhomhnuill · 04/03/2026 20:26

I have a 10 year old girl. I find they can be very 'sassy' and at school the girls really do influence each other and there can be some nastiness and one upmanship so it could be something shes heard in her peer group too and not neccessarily the parents

Makes sense they can be quite nasty to each other these days !x

OP posts:
Peacexbliss · 04/03/2026 20:30

They know full well what they are saying, because maybe they are sick of hearing sob stories.

I have said the same myself to people, that bang on about things.
Op your not the only one that has had to say goodby neither are you the only one that as seen a dead body.

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:29

EvangelineTheNightStar · 04/03/2026 20:25

Well you’re (apparently) an adult, she’s 8.

you are coming across as precious, attention seeking and dramatic! “How dare people think i tell sob stories!!” And then are vicious about a child!

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Grow up lol
why would anyone want their apparent best friend speaking about them like that
this child knows what their saying so don’t play that their innocent children can be capable of being nasty
being involved in a conversation where others at the table spoke about the same situation isnt attention seeking it’s a conversation

OP posts:
Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:28

JLou08 · 04/03/2026 20:26

I think your friend is right in that a 10 year old wouldn't really understand it but I mean that as in a way that they will not really appreciate loss and not having fully developed empathy. Your friend is very wrong not to talk to her about it though, talking about it with her, that's how children learn. My DC said a few insensitive things as children, even younger than 10. I spoke to them about why they shouldn't say it and how it makes people feel. If your friend isn't having these conversations with her child there's a good chance the child will grow into quite a nasty teen. These parents are the type who raise bully's.

That’s what I thought…. Everytime they say theres no point you know what their like etc it’s letting them away with the behaviour every single time & teaching them there is no consequences to cheeky behaviour x

OP posts:
JLou08 · 04/03/2026 20:26

I think your friend is right in that a 10 year old wouldn't really understand it but I mean that as in a way that they will not really appreciate loss and not having fully developed empathy. Your friend is very wrong not to talk to her about it though, talking about it with her, that's how children learn. My DC said a few insensitive things as children, even younger than 10. I spoke to them about why they shouldn't say it and how it makes people feel. If your friend isn't having these conversations with her child there's a good chance the child will grow into quite a nasty teen. These parents are the type who raise bully's.

dhomhnuill · 04/03/2026 20:26

I have a 10 year old girl. I find they can be very 'sassy' and at school the girls really do influence each other and there can be some nastiness and one upmanship so it could be something shes heard in her peer group too and not neccessarily the parents

EvangelineTheNightStar · 04/03/2026 20:25

ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:15

Oh but it’s okay for an 8 year old to laugh and say not Another sob story is it? Okay

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Well you’re (apparently) an adult, she’s 8.

you are coming across as precious, attention seeking and dramatic! “How dare people think i tell sob stories!!” And then are vicious about a child!

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:25

EvangelineTheNightStar · 04/03/2026 20:21

This, you actually said that to a child? To point score?!
that’s horrendous

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What stated the obvious that seeing someone dead isnt nice? They’ve heard a lot worse and they know what their saying

OP posts:
EvangelineTheNightStar · 04/03/2026 20:21

Tumbler777 · 04/03/2026 20:14

Dinner table discussion about going to see dead bodies and how upsetting it is, wouldn't have a discussion like that in front of a 10 year old.

Then, to quote you "I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away"

If someone I knew spoke to my daughter like that it would be the last time I saw her.

This, you actually said that to a child? To point score?!
that’s horrendous

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:16

Tumbler777 · 04/03/2026 20:14

Dinner table discussion about going to see dead bodies and how upsetting it is, wouldn't have a discussion like that in front of a 10 year old.

Then, to quote you "I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away"

If someone I knew spoke to my daughter like that it would be the last time I saw her.

Also thats kinda upto the parent… not me. Their very open

OP posts:
Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:15

Tumbler777 · 04/03/2026 20:14

Dinner table discussion about going to see dead bodies and how upsetting it is, wouldn't have a discussion like that in front of a 10 year old.

Then, to quote you "I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away"

If someone I knew spoke to my daughter like that it would be the last time I saw her.

Oh but it’s okay for an 8 year old to laugh and say not Another sob story is it? Okay

OP posts:
Tumbler777 · 04/03/2026 20:14

Dinner table discussion about going to see dead bodies and how upsetting it is, wouldn't have a discussion like that in front of a 10 year old.

Then, to quote you "I was shocked as shes under 10 but I said to her well it’s a horrible thing to see you’ll understand one day. & she just went away"

If someone I knew spoke to my daughter like that it would be the last time I saw her.

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:13

Marwoodsbigbreak · 04/03/2026 20:10

I would have assumed the child had heard her parent or grandparent talk about you and referenced you and “another sob story “

Have you had a run of tough experiences?

I would say we not have and she talks about her terrible childhood etc as well in front of them

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 04/03/2026 20:12

Sorry, but I think your friend or her partner has used that phrase about you.

It would make me question what she is saying about me and would also make me think twice about what I said to her in future.

My nephew mortified my sister one day. They went round to see a friend of hers, and my nephew apparently looked round carefully then said "it's not that messy mum". My sister had obviously commented on how untidy the friend was and my nephew had overheard her.

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:12

Robynxoxo · 04/03/2026 20:07

Your friend is obviously bitching about you. Children mimic their parents.

Thats what I thought :/ which is horrible

OP posts:
Marwoodsbigbreak · 04/03/2026 20:10

I would have assumed the child had heard her parent or grandparent talk about you and referenced you and “another sob story “

Have you had a run of tough experiences?

Robynxoxo · 04/03/2026 20:07

Your friend is obviously bitching about you. Children mimic their parents.

Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:03

Sweetcorn100 · 04/03/2026 20:00

You know your friend more than us, does she seem there for you often? Is she a good friend? Maybe child has heard it said by someone else and it’s not about you. I definitely wouldn’t lose a friendship over it, just be wary of who you tell things to x

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Sorry what do you mean be wary? This is someone who’s meant to be a best friend yeah so I wouldn’t be able to avoid talking about close things really
they were a close friend but this has made me think otherwise plus being let down with other things that were important to me x

OP posts:
Original poster
ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 20:00

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 04/03/2026 19:58

The child might have heard that anywhere and not even particularly in the context of you. A grandparent maybe? It's the kind of phrase my MIL would use!

I get you but she knows what it means in the context of me looking sad talking about it something sad and she knew all about my father passing… never thought of that maybe something someone older would say yeah

OP posts:
Sweetcorn100 · 04/03/2026 20:00

ScottishHaggis85 · 04/03/2026 19:57

That’s what si immediately thought and the friend said she doesn’t use that phrase and her dad mustve said it round her :/

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You know your friend more than us, does she seem there for you often? Is she a good friend? Maybe child has heard it said by someone else and it’s not about you. I definitely wouldn’t lose a friendship over it, just be wary of who you tell things to x