To be ashamed of becoming a cleaner

Cleaning is a vital, skilled and dignified profession. It is bloody hard graft and I take my hat off to you! Genuinely!

@Jigglywigglypuff

If this helps… my parents moved from South Wales to the South of England when the mines closed - no jobs. My dad was lucky to grab a job in West Sussex so we all relocated. My mum was a SAHM with me and pregnant with my sister. We escaped one economic collapse to run into another one under Thatcher. My parents’ mortgage trebled… my dad was already working long days, so my mum had to look for jobs around childcare. She did stints at the local playgroup, cleaned the school and the local church hall, and then in the evening pulled pints at the local pub.

And I will tell you what it gave me as a kid - a thorough understanding of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and doing any job going is the best foundation for being a resilient person. My parents never hid their troubles from us and we all then pitched in. I had a newspaper round at 13. I’m 47 now! Don’t know where it all went wrong with my sister because she’s a nightmare! But honestly, the respect I have for my parents is immense. And your kids will feel the same. You’re doing a damn fine job - you really and truly are.

With kindness, you need to get over yourself. It's just a job, and what you need to do to get by, times are hard for everyone. My dad once delivered pizza for 6 months after a redundancy, and then went into another senior management job without worrying what people thought of him, he had rent to pay and kids to feed!
I got chatting with a cleaning lady at work, and she told me that there is a shortage of reliable staff, she's never out of work and is starting her own company to keep up with demand, she's putting her son through uni with her hard work, and likes being busy.
You're doing very well x

OP, hold your head up. My mum and dad married young. He worked and she raised the kids. When they grew up they realized they were ill suited. Mum asked dad to give her a year to learn how to work and budget and everything. She started at the bottom. I remember her working at a dry cleaners, she baby sat, worked in various shops. As a kid, apparently - I don't recall this, I felt down about the lack of money, my dance lessons were cut, my clothes were the cheapest, Mum made her own work clothes. Mum was fiercely independent and Dad was clueless, so she and I lived in what she could scrape together by working all the hours she could find. I didn't get it as a kid, but as an adult I'm incredibly proud of her and what she achieved. She taught me so much. It's easy to say it, but it really is about how you live your ethics and values.

Cleaners earn much more than minimum wage around here the good ones charge quite a bit of money nothing to be ashamed about at all!!!

My mum was a care assistant for old people. A job which is minimum wage & generally looked down on.

I was so amazingly proud of her for looking after old people who had nobody else to help them!

All roles in life have equal value. It’s only the pay that varies.

1 - Nothing wrong with being a cleaner. Don't know why you would think there is.
2 - It is a gig, and it pays. Result.
3 - It isn't where you're from, it's where you're at.
4 - Fuck other people's opinions. People are the biggest idiots there are.
5 - Providing for your family. Result.

I could have written your post 5 years ago. I too went from a comfortable middle class lifestyle to having almost nothing (post messy non married breakup), and having 3 kids to support.

I went from having a cleaner to being a cleaner for the exact same reasons as you, and yes I hated it too. I hated the fact that I was spending my days cleaning other people pubes off their toilet for £12.50 an hour. And I’m embarrassed to admit, I there was a element of shame; my mum friends all had professional jobs, but it wasn’t just the job, it was shame that the questionable choices I’d made (in terms of choice of partner, having children without being married) had landed me in this situation.

However, my kids were older than yours (8,10 and 12), and I promise you, they gave no shits about the status of my new job. It just wasn’t an issue. They were supportive and proud of me, and still talk about it now. It felt more like a team effort, and they never mentioned what their friends might think, it just didn’t come up. So try not to worry about that.

Anyway, it was a means to an end, and I did it because I had to, and there was no other option at the time. Alongside cleaning I did a course to retrain, and am now self employed doing a job I love and earning a decent salary. Hang in there. You’re doing what you need to do right now, and it won’t be forever. No one will think badly of you; they’ll more likely be impressed by your drive to do what is necessary. And if they do think badly, that says more about them than you!

I was also a part-time cleaner when it was just me and ds1. One of my clients actually had daughters at the same private school that I had attended. Not going to lie- that made me feel a bit shit.

No-one of any worth, whose opinions are worth listening to, is going to think poorly of you for being a cleaner. You shouldn't either.

'Those who mind, don't matter; those who matter, don't mind'.

As an aside, at the age of 57, I'm now going to become a PCSO. Some people hate them, too. I don't care about their opinions either.

They are jealous. You are working, I'll bet you don't have debts you cannot afford, cars etc on lease, not living above your means. I've been a cleaner when mine were young, DH was on shift, the job fitted in perfectly.

No shame in any job. The people ignoring you probably have all sorts of financial issues. We lived in an area of Hampshire/Surrey and the saying was "Fur coat, empty fridge, no knickers"!

You are doing what you need to, to keep your children safe in an abuse-free home and keep a roof over your head and food on the table. If you were my friend or indeed my cleaner (don’t have one, but if I did) I would be so proud of you and say hi to you every time I saw you.
I had a big downshift in income after divorce, had to claim benefits for the first time in my life and worked in a minimum wage job for the first time in over 20 years too. Like you I’d lived in a nice house, with a nice income and a comfortable life. I now have to watch every penny and don’t have luxuries. But you know what? I’m proud of surviving, of providing for my kids and re-building my life. Eveything I have I earned. Theres a lot of satisfaction in that.
You are an amazing woman and mum. Hold your head up high.

I got back into work after a break by being a cleaner (holiday cottages) and working at the local pub, kitchen, bar and weekend cleaning. I'm graduate educated and worked at that level before. (As I do now, but only part time because I'm ancient.) Not one of my friends said or thought anything that I was aware of except, 'Good for you,' The kids didn't blink, and the only effect it has had is that now they know how to leave a holiday cottage in a decent state and why it matters.
Good for you. I bet you wouldn't judge anyone and no one worth bothering about would judge you.

In the society we live in, everyone gets judged.
Stay at home mums get judged by working mums.
Mums who work long hours get judged by mums who work part time hours.
Mums who work part time hours get judged by mums who work full time.
I work in a very hierarchical system; healthcare assistants get judged by registered nurses. Registered nurses get judged by GPs. GPs get judged by hospital doctors.
Traffic wardens get judged.
Estate Agents get judged.
Teachers get judged.
Lawyers get judged.
Bin men get judged.
Builders get judged.
What I'm saying is, Everyone judges everyone else all the time.
So, you might get judged for being a cleaner. So what.
I get judged by many, many professionals for being a registered nurse; I've had many people patronise and pity me for my occupation, or who have asked me if I'm a nurse because I didn't do well at school (I'm degree educated). I've been in polite company and had people shuffle with embarrassment when I've told them my occupation.
People make ignorant assumptions and judgments all the time. It's the world we live in, unfortunately.
So if you feel like someone is genuinely judging you for being a cleaner, what you've got to do is laugh to yourself about their pathetic ignorance and feel really proud of yourself for knowing you're nothing like they are. Hold your head up high, revel in the fact that not only did you LTB but you're now working to earn yourself some independence and have been clever enough and astute enough to work out a job you can do that fits around your DC. For that, you should be applauding yourself, not worrying about the pathetic judgement of others!
You go girl. You're a fighter. Look at what you're doing. You left an abusive husband so that you can ensure a safer life for you and your DC. That is brilliant role modelling. Be proud of this. Be proud of what you're achieving. Be proud that you're making a happier, better life for you and your DC. Be proud that you're doing this alone! Be proud of your resourcefulness. Be proud of your courage, your resilience.
This is an 'at the moment' situation until DC are older, and you're making it work for you.
That is brilliant and clever.
Stay strong. Stand tall. Be proud of yourself.
Never ever let the shallow judgement of others pull you down.

Your story is similar to my mum's. I 🤔 no she's wondering woman. Raising kids alone is so hard. Well done for doing what you need to. There is no shame in being a cleaner.

Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind!

I have noticed that our office cleaner mostly gets ignored. It seems unkind and I admit I have to force myself to say hello, and thank you for your work. I think part of the reason is a kind of guilt which I suspect we have because cleaners confront us with the fact that we are a structured, hierarchical and unequal society and so we prefer to just past. Maybe what you are getting sometimes isn’t judgement OP, but just the guilt and cowardice of those who don’t want to look at these facts.

@Jigglywigglypuff

I did mine in the evening for similar reasons. They’re teenagers now, they’re all doing incredibly well. I put a lot of time into them and worked jobs that enabled me the luxury of time, attention etc and it’s paid off. Three well balanced humble kids. I’ve since moved on, got a degree and a different job and it feels a million years ago since I did that job.

Same. She’s brilliant and very very efficient. I wouldn’t cope well without her and I tell her so frequently. You are an example to your children and if I had ever heard one of mine say anything derogatory about any job I would have been down on them like a ton of bricks.
Go you!

I’ve always loved my cleaners and thought they were brilliant. Kudos to you for working and supporting your kids. Chin up, no one can make you feel small. If they judge they are not worthy of your time or efforts. Sadly you will get some idiot employers who think they’re better than you but that is their problem.

A few of the mums in the village I live in clean as it fits around the childcare.
I think you’re smashing it by picking yourself up and setting such a good example to your children.
Also, this isn’t forever and you can consider your options once things are a bit more settled. Alternatively, business may boom and you could have your own little empire!
Good luck and take care

Do you know how much having someone who cleans my house improves my life! I love it after she has been, genuinely it makes me smile. You’re probably worth your weight in gold to someone. Thank you for doing what you do.

OP, you are amazing.
Escaping an abusive relationship and putting your children first.
Working to support your children in working hours that suit their current needs.
I have friends who are cleaners and friends who are professors and I value them equally.
I am proud to say that my mum was a cleaner.
Hold your head up high OP you have every right to