To be ashamed of becoming a cleaner

Excuse = extremely

I absoultly know this feeling all too well. I was a senior nurse and the same as you left an abusibe relationship. My eldest was diagnosed with autism and I had to give up work to care for him. I also found a cleaning job that worked around school hours. I felt pretty crap about it at the time too. But ultimatly it gave me some money to ensure the kids had all they needed.
Be kind to yourself, you've had a rough time and your doing all you can to provide for your family. You have every reason to hold your head up high.
As my Son got older and less dependant upon me I returned to Nursing, I've been back 3 years now. You will have other career options as the children get older, it doesn't need to be forever if its not what you want. Focus on one day at a time x

Cleaners, along with bin men, builders, shop workers, electricians joiners, dinner ladies, etc etc etc are the absolute blood and veins of what keeps a country going! Do not feel and shame about providing such an excuse important service. You should feel the total opposite.

Your kids grow up and will see you as a total hero, and your ex as a worthless piece of shit.

I'm actually more afraid of my cleaner's judgement than she is of mine! I can only imagine how beautiful, neat and clean her home is and then she walks into my hovel!🙈

Mate, it’s a grafters job. All kudos to you! All the cleaners I know are doing pretty bloody well for themselves

You're not a failure! You're teaching your kids resilience and you're building a new and good future for them.

I'm sorry you've come across clients that don't value you. My cleaner is a saviour. She makes it possible for me to work FT and I really appreciate her. Quite honestly what she does in 3 hours is borderline wizardry and I'd be lost without her.

If the pandemic taught us anything it's that the most important roles are the unglamorous ones. Without them everything falls apart.

Only absolute wankers would judge you negatively for working as a cleaner. I was a cleaner myself for 4 years, and I have a very respectable job now. My mother was a cleaner and I’ve employed cleaners. Don’t be ashamed of doing what you need to do to support yourself and your family. Big hugs to you!

I would judge you - but I would judge you positively as I think you've been strong and a good mother. You deserve respect for your choices.

I know loads of local mums who are cleaners. My cousin did cleaning when her kids were little. It's a brilliant FLEXIBLE job. It just makes good sense.

Don't be ashamed for a second. You're working hard and earning money in a job that allows you to be available for your kids. You should be PROUD.

My dad always told us growing up that it makes no difference what you do in life, the only important thing is how well you do it. He'd say that, if you want to be a window washer, do it, be the best at it, and you'll be very comfortable financially. He's a millionaire.
We had a cleaner when I was growing up who was so meticulous and hardworking that my parents couldn't bear to let her go despite the fact that she was thieving non-stop! Their solution: they hired someone to stalk her throughout the house as she cleaned. Imagine being that good of a cleaner that someone would still want you to come despite the fact that you were so untrustworthy that someone else had to be paid to watch you! Now think how much she could have earned if she'd been trustworthy.
There's absolutely no shame in being a cleaner. It requires a lot of skills if you're to be time-efficient and perfectionistic.

Please hold your head high. You and your job are valid and worthy. Anyone who looks down on you is nasty - that’s on them. These days you can’t (shouldn’t) make assumptions anyway. I am comfortably off - I work part time as a gardener. I am always a bit mucky. I do occasionally have some quite sniffy customers, but I just know they are arseholes and they actually know nothing about me.. The last cleaner who came to my house drove a very expensive Mercedes , I couldn’t afford a car like that.
A separate thing, I really hate when people say MY cleaner or MY gardener - perhaps that is just a me thing though.

The people who judge you for being a cleaner, are the same people that would judge you if you didn’t work at all, if you worked a high flying job in the city, or anything in between. Their opinions don’t matter. But you also can’t do anything to change their thoughts. All you can do is whatever is best for you & your family. It is honestly incredibly freeing when you stop worrying about what other people might think x

In my nearly 60 years of marriage I’ve had four cleaning ladies. As each retired they recommended the next to me. We have remained friends. I know their children and grandchildren. I have been fortunate in my life and I hope I have helped them . My present lady will probably retire when her state pension kicks in but has said she will continue to come for coffee. She checks up on us by email. 😁 when she’s on holiday.

My friend makes more through cleaning than I do, no shame there at all!
She has found some great jobs cleaning for Air B&B hosts, she said there was some sort of app where jobs pop up and you can accept or not (sounded a bit like Uber or Deliveroo!), maybe look into that for a boost too.

There is no shame in honest work. You're worried about being judged because you're judging yourself; you are ashamed of yourself for being a "lowly" cleaner. Don't be. If you are smart, you will take this as an opportunity to learn the truth about people. The ones who treat you with respect are the ones worthy of respect. The ones who look down on you are betraying their own moral shortcomings. Your children will not be ashamed of you if you are not ashamed of yourself.

All jobs are valuable. Cleaning is an essential skill.

You should be proud that you’re providing for your Dc, and you should also be proud that you have escaped your abusive ex. Well done! You’re clearly a strong, resourceful woman.

Please don’t be ashamed. There is no need to. And it’s up to you to bring your dc up to accept that all jobs are valuable, and not to be snobs.

💐

What those people don't see is your strength and courage. They fail to realise that they are all only one divorce, mistake or catastrophe from being in your shoes. So please don't give a second thought to what others think of you. Be proud of yourself for instilling real values in your children through grit and determination. It will get better.

@Jigglywigglypuff

you should definitely look at working for yourself. It's much more lucrative than being self employed under an agency.

I'm in Hampshire & the Nextdoor (app) area I'm in has lots of cleaners (self employed & looking for others to join them) I'd rather pay a cleaner direct than go through an agent.

I don't know how to word this, but as a person who has become disabled overnight I could do with some help at home. Not personal care, but not just a cleaner that comes in to an empty house & cleans it. I want someone who is happy to 'help' with random things like changing my bed (mainly putting the duvet cover on, or maybe putting a couple of (light) boxes in a top shelf (because I have vertigo and stepping on even a small step isn't a good idea) Now the difficult part to say/write, I'd like someone where the verbal exchange is easy.

if there was someone advertising locally whose advert was written in good conversational (not book perfect) English & seemed happy to 'help'/be flexible re the job id call them immediately.

a nice photo is good too. Some of them are more like adverts for only fans 🙇🏻‍♀️

Be proud that youre working. Good for you ! You never know, you may find a way to expand and get a helper and grow it into a business in due course as you sound like someone whos keen to work. There will always be a need for cleaners as more and more both adults in a household work. Good cleaners are cherished ....you could also diversify into organising/decluttering help. Look through youtube...plenty of examples. Can work around school hours. Good luck !!

No - you should be proud that you are so determined to get back on track. Please don’t feel ashamed as there is no need to be.
My mum was a cleaner and she was treated pretty well I think. I have a cleaner and I think I treat her (and the ones before) very well.
I wouldn’t dream of treating her poorly, when I make her a drink we chat about our families etc.
In fact one of my cleaners at work became a good friend and we would meet for coffee now and again.
Hold your head up and continue to do a good job.

This comment nails it!

You are an excellent role model to your children. You left an abusive relationship. That is no mean feat! You are working hard to provide for them and you are doing a job that is just as valuable as many others.

Sod what anyone else thinks. Be proud that you are a strong independent woman and bloody brilliant.

Some of the nicest people I have known are cleaners ... get a grip, get over your silly prejudices and crack on with life ... know your worth and charge appropriately.

Well not ALL jobs. I used to know someone who was an engineer for a bomb company - she was literally contributing towards murdering children in Ukraine.

Much better to be a cleaner though, at least you are making a real contribution - and good cleaners are hard to come by.

You said “my kids would absolutely loathe that. They are very uncomfortable around people they don't know”

You are uncomfortable being a cleaner, it’s not what you envisioned or are qualified to do and no amount of reassurance that it’s a perfectly fine job for this season of your life will help with that.

But at the end of the day, you’re trading your own discomfort for your kids’. You’re putting yourself outside your comfort zone so you can put their happiness first. I don’t think that makes you a failure, I think it makes you a successful parent and a brilliant human.

A good cleaning lady is like a gold dust - we’ve been unable to find one since our last one retired. We cherished her and we would never let her go if it wasn’t her own decision.

Would you be able to work for yourself? The money would be much better and I don’t think you’d be short of clients - a few of my friends have excellent cleaners who have no space to take us on.