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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am, but think I'll probably still do it.

30 replies

Binding · 04/03/2026 17:57

I do some part time work. Occasionally I take on some extra. I don't especially want the extra hours or money, but if I'm free I'll do it to help out.

Last time, I took on something outside of my normal role and, imo, was unfairly critised. It wasn't perfect, but it was a decent first attempt imo. It wasn't constructive feedback, it was "having a go" criticism.

So, I've been asked to do another one. This is also outside my usual role, but closer to what I usually do. I could do it, but I'm not inclined to help out after what happened last time.

But, the person who gets the headache if I don't, isn't the person who criticised my last effort. That person will, however, overview it again.

OP posts:
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MrsChristmasHasResigned · 05/03/2026 19:16

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:14

Yes exactly. If they'd said, really appreciate your efforts, but it could be improved by xyz, I'd have been happy.

What they did was send an aggressive email about how disappointing it was, and copy in 4 other people, both senior and junior to me.

It really wasn't that bad either. The changes were minor and easily fixed.

Show quote history

I was in favour of raising it with the person asking you and the critical manager. But then I read this and thought, hell no. I would say no and explain why.

mum2jakie · 05/03/2026 18:48

I wouldn't do it - they can bollocks.

MJEBinAthens · 05/03/2026 18:32

If you are having to pitch in and do extra work that you are not qualified for or trained to do, that means your dept is most probably grossly understaffed.

Also, whoever assigned you the job should have outlined their expectations and closely monitored you at all stages in doing the task.

The fact that you were then criticised for a passable job (provided any changes required were indeed minor) is bad personnel management.

The worst thing is that other personnel were copied in on the criticism.

I would have responded to the email outlining the above points (and would have copied in all parties).

JLou08 · 04/03/2026 18:59

It's not at all unreasonable to turn down work that you're not contracted to do. You would be entitled to turn it down for any reason at all.

godmum56 · 04/03/2026 18:52

see I have no idea why people do stuff to help out. if you don't need the money, do it if you want to, don't if you don't. Simples. Me? I'd probabaly not do it or have put your overseer back in their box the first time they were rude to me.
PS I voted YABU for the agonising over it.

Sidebeforeself · 04/03/2026 18:49

Createausername1970 · 04/03/2026 18:45

Find that email.

Do a "reply all" and add in anyone new that is involved this time round. Change the subject line to reflect the new project.

Say "thank you for considering me, but after the unnecessary criticism I received last time, I don't think it would be appropriate"

Show quote history

Nah. Don’t sink to their level. Just say no, without an explanation or an apology. You have more important things to do.

Createausername1970 · 04/03/2026 18:45

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:14

Yes exactly. If they'd said, really appreciate your efforts, but it could be improved by xyz, I'd have been happy.

What they did was send an aggressive email about how disappointing it was, and copy in 4 other people, both senior and junior to me.

It really wasn't that bad either. The changes were minor and easily fixed.

Show quote history

Find that email.

Do a "reply all" and add in anyone new that is involved this time round. Change the subject line to reflect the new project.

Say "thank you for considering me, but after the unnecessary criticism I received last time, I don't think it would be appropriate"

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/03/2026 18:41

"What they did was send an aggressive email about how disappointing it was, and copy in 4 other people, both senior and junior to me."

I would turn it down, making it absolutely clear that my reason for turning it down was due to the unwarranted criticism received last time. If there was a chance to turn it down in writing, I'd do that, attaching the aggressive email. And CC the fucker in.

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:34

Do you need the money? If not, pass

Anonomoso · 04/03/2026 18:31

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:27

It's a one off thing that doesn't really fall on anyone's shoulders. Colleague is FT and will just have to find a way if I don't, but it's quite a big thing, at least a full day's work, to fit into an already busy job.

Show quote history

Based on that I'd give this one a pass, chances are the minute you accept and help out it'll be playing on your mind from start to finish.

Original poster
Binding · 04/03/2026 18:27

Anonomoso · 04/03/2026 18:22

Would this be to help your colleague with a heavy load while they're doing another task?
If so I'd tell them you're happy to help if they're snowed under but not with this particular project as it's not something you normally or really want to do.

Be honest with them, maybe they dread doing it to so are passing it on.

Edited

It's a one off thing that doesn't really fall on anyone's shoulders. Colleague is FT and will just have to find a way if I don't, but it's quite a big thing, at least a full day's work, to fit into an already busy job.

OP posts:
Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:25

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:25

Yes, it's something I'd do on my non working day (with appropriate pay) to help them out. Not part of my contracted hours or job description.

Eta, officially no repercussions, but I guess they could have the hump over it.

Edited
Show quote history

So overtime? In that case, if you don’t need the money, just pass on it.

Original poster
Binding · 04/03/2026 18:25

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:23

So this is just a voluntary piece of work that you are entirely free to say “nope, don’t fancy doing that” with no repercussions?

Show quote history

Yes, it's something I'd do on my non working day (with appropriate pay) to help them out. Not part of my contracted hours or job description.

Eta, officially no repercussions, but I guess they could have the hump over it.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 04/03/2026 18:23

No. Don't do it unless you want more of the same.

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:23

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:22

Yes, but even if the critisim was justified there are ways to deliver it.

And in any case, if I'm rubbish maybe it's best I say no anyway.

Show quote history

So this is just a voluntary piece of work that you are entirely free to say “nope, don’t fancy doing that” with no repercussions?

Anonomoso · 04/03/2026 18:22

Would this be to help your colleague with a heavy load while they're doing another task?
If so I'd tell them you're happy to help if they're snowed under but not with this particular project as it's not something you normally or really want to do.

Be honest with them, maybe they dread doing it to so are passing it on.

Original poster
Binding · 04/03/2026 18:22

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:20

Last time, I took on something outside of my normal role and, imo, was unfairly critised

”IMO”

well sure, but…. Your opinion of your own work is irrelevant

Yes, but even if the critisim was justified there are ways to deliver it.

And in any case, if I'm rubbish maybe it's best I say no anyway.

OP posts:
CactusSwoonedEnding · 04/03/2026 18:20

YANBU. Apologise to the person who will get the headache but tell them that the unnecessary attack you received from (name) last time you went the extra mile to do something outside your usual area of expertise means that you will not be doing anything similar where that person is involved - Clarify that while constructive feedback is always welcome in a spirit of constant improvement, you don't have to take people having a go at you and being insulting when you go out of your way to help.

Curleddown · 04/03/2026 18:20

Last time, I took on something outside of my normal role and, imo, was unfairly critised

”IMO”

well sure, but…. Your opinion of your own work is irrelevant

AudiobookListener · 04/03/2026 18:18

I wouldn't do it.

  1. I wouldn't want to get a reputation for substandard work. People won't remember the reason.
  1. I wouldn't want to be seen as a pushover/doormat, as I don't think it's helpful for one's career.
Original poster
Binding · 04/03/2026 18:17

Anonomoso · 04/03/2026 18:15

But, the person who gets the headache if I don't, isn't the person who criticised my last effort.

Did they in anyway make comments in your defence when you were being criticised?

No, not really, apart from a supportive eyeroll, but they're significantly junior to the critisiser and it wouldn't have gone down well, so I don't blame them.

OP posts:
Climbingrosexx · 04/03/2026 18:16

I would say I don't feel comfortable taking on that role as I am not qualified, You have put it out there then so if hey pressure you they can't be too surprised or critical if the result is less than perfect

Sidebeforeself · 04/03/2026 18:15

Binding · 04/03/2026 18:14

Yes exactly. If they'd said, really appreciate your efforts, but it could be improved by xyz, I'd have been happy.

What they did was send an aggressive email about how disappointing it was, and copy in 4 other people, both senior and junior to me.

It really wasn't that bad either. The changes were minor and easily fixed.

Show quote history

That’s really bad. I’d be quite hurt by that

Anonomoso · 04/03/2026 18:15

But, the person who gets the headache if I don't, isn't the person who criticised my last effort.

Did they in anyway make comments in your defence when you were being criticised?

Original poster
Binding · 04/03/2026 18:14

Sidebeforeself · 04/03/2026 18:11

No I wouldnt be doing it again. Not because I cant take criticism etc but the person who “had a go” didnt appreciate my time and effort

Yes exactly. If they'd said, really appreciate your efforts, but it could be improved by xyz, I'd have been happy.

What they did was send an aggressive email about how disappointing it was, and copy in 4 other people, both senior and junior to me.

It really wasn't that bad either. The changes were minor and easily fixed.

OP posts: