Cash gift from parent - sharing with spouse

Except your case would not be the reverse because you are caring for your children.
A variable not present in the OP's situation.

What does he bring to the table? He is absolutely taking the piss. How entitled. I'd stop paying for everything if I were you. It does not sound like he appreciates it!

Hopefully youre not married ans can get rid of him at any point?

Of course he should. He would feel better for it too. It's bad for anyone's self esteem to be so financially reliant on someone else and he does have a wafe, just not as big as OPs.

This doesn't look like a partnership to me, it looks like a leech + host setup.

Sounds like the change in his circumstances is actually changing the dynamics of the marriage. He sounds like he is slowly being infantilized. She pays the bills and so calls the shots and he whinges as she puts it. This is not the ingredients of a sustainable marriage. They need to find a different formula that isn't going to resentment.

This. It sounds like a free holiday isn't enough, he wants "cashback" as well! CF!

So you are already paying for everything and he's trying to get his hands on even more of your money. What a grifter.
People will exploit you if they can, especially the men. This is what life has taught me.

I'd ask him to remind me how much he contributed to the holiday cost as you will reimburse him exactly that.

It was a gift from your relative, moreover it was a gift given on specific terms, to pay for the holiday not for general spending/treats.

Whether your financial arrangements are otherwise fair or not is another issue. (I say this as someone who is married with semi separate finances and it works well for us.) On one hand he's got a good deal, lives for free and spends his salary without having to contribute even proportionately. On the other hand if you have vastly more spending money and a different lifestyle he can't afford as his wages are very low "through no fault of his own" then that is rather more uncomfortable. Is there any reason he can't look to improve his income?

How long has he been on this “very low wage” job and how much does he take home?

Fair enough he lost his previous job but he can’t be bringing home a few hundred quid a month whilst you do full time work, pay for everything! You say you’ve been burned before… you don’t want to make the same mistake, do you?

Is he pushing and going out of his way to find another full time job?

Except in the woman's case she would have typically been responsible for the cleaning and the mental load and not have spent her days in the pub and having an affair.

No way is half that money his - YANBU. By the sounds of it, you not only funded the trip, but also pay all the bills. He is a CF.

Helpful

In effect you are already sharing it, as you both went on the now free holiday.

I know, he’s taking the piss!

The money was clearly to reimburse the person who paid for the holiday. So it’s effectively paid for the holiday and then you have (if you like) put the money you had originally spent into savings.

He doesn’t get a free holiday plus a cash gift!

We would share but first marriage, both earn well and we share everything financially. I’d imagine everything is a bit more calculated second or third time around.

Do you have children?

I understand being burned in the past, but if you’ve married this guy and he’s not just a partner but a life long husband then I think joint account.

What I don’t understand is why he is paying nothing? Why not a percentage of what he earns at least?

We have received cash gifts off in laws before and husband always puts it in the savings or towards something that needs doing in the home - I’d never expect half of the money to dwindle on what I want so you’re not being unreasonable here.

When you say low wage, do you mean a full time minimum wage job? Or if he’s doing hardly any hours part time bringing in a few hundred quid that needs to be stopped right now and he needs to job hunt

Separate finances works well for us too. We have 3 young children.

Tbf, this is Mumsnet, the place where posters unanimously believe that anything the husband acquires should be shared (PP about someone’s husband winning a sports bet, anyone?), but if it’s a gift to the wife, it belongs to her.

He’s a cheeky devil. Cheeky and greedy.

I’d be hurt and upset by this OP.

He's got a bloody cheek … he’s not grateful that you cover all the bills, he still asks for more. Mind blowing!

Well, I'll say one thing, your husband has some guts. How flipping entitled is he to ask for half this money?? You paid for the holiday, you pay for everything and it's your relative not his!
Tell him to go do one. And even though you've popped it back into savings, you don't have to justify what you do with the money with anyone so if you did want to go buy something nice, just for yourself, it's yours to do with what you want.

We have completely separate finances (been married 10 years but older) - he has children, I don't. It works well for us - we each pay part of the household expenses. The only thing we split is holiday finance. We take it in turns to pay when going out.

You'll be in the same position afraid if this marriage ends. There's no yours and mine in divorce.

I usually read everything before replying, but I'm being swamped by a deluge of married people claiming that since op is married she should give her partner all her money. It's irritating me because they're completely missing the point. Op could listen to these bizarre people, and go and get a shared account tomorrow and he could clear it out. And then presumably they'll be happy? He's a working man who wants his wife to pay all his bills and give him spending money. Op is doing MORE THAN sharing. She's paying for everything. Personally I don't see how she can recover from this, I'd have to divorce him. But not before putting all her money in her name into a property and giving it to someone she trusts.